I got help with another problem on here yesterday which worked out very successful, so thought I would ask another question.

I split from my son´s father when he was almost a year old, as he was aggressive, unreasonable, drank too much, did not contribute financially and was not interested in changing from the single lifestyle after we had a baby. He was a loving father to the baby yes, but not a responsible one.

I moved to a place 1.5 hours flight away, and did everything I could to keep in touch (for the sake of my son), but bio Dad never called back or replied to letters. He said he could not afford to visit (it was NOT expensive!), so I paid for his tickets in the end when my son was about 2. I decided not to do this again and if he wanted to see his son he would save the money, and as a result, he has never again visited us.

Six years have passed now, and he has never once visited, never once called and never sent me a penny to help. He does send a card once a year for birthday or Christmas, but I know his Mother does this for him. Yes, this man is a complete deadbeat!

He is though, not a 100% bad guy, just lazy and irresponsible, and my son was desperate to meet his Dad and his half brothers and sisters, so I took him to visit 6 months ago. They got on well, the bio Dad was very living and attentive to my son, and my son took an instant liking. The half brothers and sisters were lovely and spoiled my son a lot. My son loved being part of such a big family for the day, and cried when we left them. He often says he wishes his Dad lived here now, and he has put them on a pedestal.

However, the bio Dad still won´t be bothered to organize a visit, and once I even called to let my son talk to him, got told he was in the shower and would call back and 4 weeks later he has not bothered to call back. What kind of a person does not call back their own child?

I am worried my son will feel this is personal, that he is not good enough, and that there is something unlovable about him and would like advice on how to handle it and how to explain this to him.

Should I facilitate the meetings by making the trip myself? or should I just wait and allow access if the bio Dad ever bothers?

I am also considering applying to sever parental ties to this man, as I am concerned that if something happened to me, my son must stay with his stepfather (who adores him) or my parents (who helped raise him)