10 yr old SS has no respect for me
O.K. I am new to this site and just wanted to get some advice before I explode. I have been married for 5 years to my husband we have a 6 year old daughter, a 3 year old daughter and a baby boy on the way. We have a son 10 years old (my step son). He has ALWAYS had custody of him and we started dating when his son was 6 months old. The Bio mom sees him once or twice a year when we fly out to California to visit my family. She calls once a week to talk to him but other than that NEVER involved and no Support what so ever.
I have ALWAYS considered him OUR son...He has called me mom I have supported him since day one, but he is now 10 years old and for the last year he has been really weird towards me. He is soooo disrespectful, does not listen to me, and everytime my girls say something nice to me he has to throw in how his REAL mom is just as good if not better. Which I dont care, she is a dead-beat no threat here, it's the disrespect that i hate.
And my problem is he is turning his DAD against me. We fight sonstantly and its all over him. Its like his dad feels sorry for him all the time and takes his side with everything. My SS has started making up lies to tell his father so we fight like I say he sucks at sports and I tell him he's an idiot...I have NEVER put this kid down, but its like he wants us to fight.
When his dad confronts us both in a room I find myself pleading my case and hoping my HUSBAND will believe me...I was in tears the other day...I cannot do this much longer...HELP!
Normally I would just write
Normally I would just write this off to normal childhook behavoir. The kid is becoming aware he has some leverage here and is using it. Normally a united front with your husband would soon end it.
But the real problem is with your husband. Talking to him isn't working so its time to get help. Find a good, licensed, family counselor and go. If husband won't go then go alone and take it from there. Hopefully he can be lured in later.
You will find the money well spent in just a few sessions and if not find a new one who can give you the help you need.
I agree, you should
I agree, you should definitely try to get your husband to see someone with you to try and sort it all out. My ss is 9 and he show very similar behaviour - absolute disrespect for everything I do and tells lies about me all the time - but never to my partner, he tells them to his mum. Of course he has real issues so the bm and I talk regularly and she knows he lies about me just as he lies about her to me.
But, the reason ss doesn't tell my partner the lies is because my partner will get him in serious trouble if he lies about me. We are a united front, so it makes it easier - that's what you need to do! I hope it works out for you. I think a 3rd party is definitely needed though. We needed that as well in discovering that my ss was just lying constantly about everything - so that probably helped me with my partner's support.
The kid is probably seeing you as being such a great mum, he wishes that his real mum was just as great too and then in his 10yr old mind being nasty to you. Trying to turn you into her so he can feel better about his own situation. I'm sure it will be just a stage... but you need the understanding of your partner to get through that stage.
Good luck!