Would your DH be open to getting family counseling and getting her some individual counseling?

i am sooo sorry I know how you feel sometimes I feel like telling hubby that if he doesnt talk to the brat that I want to leave. but I love him so much. I want a kid of my own but I am afraid of hubby treating our kid like crap just to make the brat happy.
I hate my SD. try to seek some couple help because its not fair. he should see what shes like I am trying to make my hubby see

Sapnaf - it's more than she is just 6... That child is clearly acting out. And yes, I understand your frustration, being pregnant and all, but you are the adult... whether you like to hear that or not. And in reality, you will be probably saying that about your own child someday (ie...they are only x years old so...)

But it doesn't matter if she is 3, 6, 9, or 15... her anger and her acting out are getting worse.

You have the compassion and empathy and experience to understand WHY she is acting out, I am sure. You said that your husband didn't ask your permission to bring her into your home and have you watch her, and I am guessing that you probably somewhat agreed with his assessment that the child should be with you. Is that a correct assumption?

She does need therapy. You need to get your husband to open his eyes to the problem and understand that his daughter needs help. The way I think you can achieve this is to point out the bad behavior when it happens... but not in an accusatory or mean mode, but rather, coming from a place of worry and concern. Example... Instead of "Your daughter is a brat and there's something wrong with her because she is hitting herself...".... I would be more likely to pull my husband aside and say... "I'm really worried about X. She's hitting herself, and I am afraid that she is going to hurt herself. I don't have any experience in a child hitting themself and banging their head against things... can we please see her doctor?"

Best of luck to you. I know it's not completely the answer you wanted, but I hope you can get that kid to her pediatrician at least... and see what they have to say. Sounds like the little girl is going through some stress of change of households, and FEAR of being abandoned and ignored and not loved because you are now pregnant with DH's child.

I don't see it getting better without any action at all. So hopefully your husband will listen to you!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

yes, therapy would be best, for all of you.

if your dh will not agree to it, get it for yourself and think of your unborn child. from experience, your sd may very well try to hurt the baby, to get to you. please, seek help now, with or without your dh.

good luck (((hugs)))

Therapy Therapy Therapy. She's acting out. Big changes have been made in her life, she needs to be able to deal with them. Nip this now or it will get worse (TRUST ME).

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

She is definately acting out. Not sure if BM is in the picture much or not but sounds like that is probably the root of the problem. And with the new baby coming that could be compounding the problem. My BF wants to have another child but I have the same fears as you about our baby being hurt. BF Daughter is extremely jealous of me. I have seen my BF daughter kick an animal that got up in her fathers lap. One time we were over at my sis's house and she had her grandson. My BF wanted to hold the baby and as he was playing with the baby, the look in his daughter's eye frightened me to the point that I made an excuse to take the baby off his lap. I may have been overreacting but my instinct told me different.
Get this little girl some help if you can...her actions are not normal.

I can really feel your frustraiton! I have a 9 year old SD who is spoiled beyond words and I hear all the time but she is only 9...I have been hearing this since she was 6.
I agree with everyone that you need to see someone. This child is crying out to have limits placed on her. DH must realize this, he is the key if she is going to live with you. BM is an important factor as well but you can not control what goes on when she has her. (That has been words that I keep reminding myself) With you she sees you as an outsider, even though you are the one doing the majority of the care giving.
I witnessed what no limits to a child does in my own situation with my SD being mean to the family dog, tearing up my BD stuff and just being flat out rude to me and BD. I have also worked in the School Setting with Emotional and Behavioral students on all levels and have seen that the majority of my children came from homes where no limits were placed on them. In visiting with these parents about their children most feared not giving into them because they were afraid that they would not love them anymore. Others just did not see any need, to selfish to give up their time for the kids. My students and I had some very rough times when we first meet but I simply set the boundries, held true to my consequences but also rewarded good behavior very highly. As my students learned that the limits where not going to be swayed one way or another they began to conform and appreciate them. They would do thing to please because of the positive attention. I have been the same way with my BS and BD (by the way my BS is an Asperger Child and no one would know). My DH watches me with my kids and has told me when he is in a happy, loving us mood how proud he is of them and me. I have tried to work with SD just as I do with my own but she has learned that DH can be played. So hands are tied until he understands.....and so are yours. I hope that all works out for you espcially with the new one on the way and DH takes the role he needs to.

why are you the one responsible for the girl?

She is your husband's daughter and he should be the one to discipline her. Now, don't get mad...but really she is only 6 and needs your help not your hate. I am not judging you either - I met my SD when she was 9. I was fortunate and we got along well until purbery hit! So I know what it's like to be frustrated, resentful and angry. And to have a DH who enables rather than parents. I get it.

It's up to the parents to discipline and up to you and DH to set up some basic house rules. When a kid acts out - there should be consequences. Counseling is part of the solution and I would suggest it for the family.