I apologize now for what will be a long blog...
I need help. First,this is my first time ever doing anything like this. I never vented this way, but my mom recently passed and she can't listen or give me advice no longer..... I am a parent to my son 6 and a SD who is 10. I have been with my husband for a little over 5 years. I have a wonderful relationship with him. I do have a huge problem though. My sd10 has no respect for me. The only time she shows any kind of compassion for me is when she wants or needs something. I have been a part of her life since age 5. She has always has behaviour issues which we put her in counseling at age 9 for bc they keep getting worse. Her BD has primary custody. Her BM sees her Wed and every other weekend.
Saturday, our weekend, was horrible. She woke up and asked me how to wear a headband. I explained how and showed her how to put one on. She then ripped her ponytail out of her hair and broke the headband in half, then stomped on it all bc she stated," You don't even know." I walked away bc I thought maybe it was just too early. I then told my SD she needed to get ready for softball practice. She asked if she could wear shorts which I replied, " No, you will be sliding and you have very pretty legs and when you are 16 and want to wear shorts you will appreciate the pants." She stomped off and yelled at me that I was the worst parent ever. Shrugged it off again. I made breakfast for everyone. We sat at the table to which SD10 replied BS was annoying. Shrugged off even though it hurt BS6 feelings. Not ten mins. later she stated the same thing as if no one heard her. BS started to cry and looked at me and stated, "Mommy I didn't even do anything." I gave him a hug and asked her what if I called her annoying. SD10 started to cry and shoved her food to the ground and ran to her room. SOFTBALL practice was horrible. She mouthed the couch the whole time. Coach asked what was wrong with SD10 which I replied I don't know. On our way home we passed a house that SD10 BM's boyfriend lived in when he was younger and BD pointed it out. She didn't acknowledge him so he stopped talking about it. She threw her DSi down,(189 dollars) so I told her she needed to give it to me (SM). She threw it at me which I told her it was uncalled for. She then replied, "Fine next time I will unbuckle and bring it to you then I might open the door and throw myself out of the car. I started to yell at her bc of her behavior toward the family in general, but I stopped bc stress isn't good for our baby due in OCT. I did however tell SD10 when we get home she needed to clean her room and go to bed bc I didn't want to deal with her attitude for the rest of the day. When we pulled up to the house she then pushed my BS out of the van scrapping both of his knees. I told her she was grounded from her DSi. She replied," I don't care!" Then SD10 turned around on the steps and said," What are you going to do about it." So I turned the other way bc I was so angry. Her BD told her to go to the room and not come out until asked. I then heard a bunch of screaming while trying to clean up my BS6 knees. She started to throw stuff which made me mad since I have paid for the majority of things in her room. I told her if she didn't want her WII(what she threw) I am sure I could find a little girl that would appreciate it. I then asked her what the problem was. (I was extremely angry at this time) She said nothing. As I(SM) was walking away she stated," I tell you what the f*** is wrong." So I turned around and looked at her like she was going to say something and she replied nothing except for some mummbling that I couldn't understand. She then started to grit her teeth and shake and stated I ought to hit you. I threw a cup that was in my hand, not at her but at the wall behind her. The cup then ricochet off the wall hitting her in the eye lid. (Totally not my intention at all) leaving her with a red area above her eye. I left the room and started to cry bc I've never been so angry. I did apologize to her for hitting her with the cup, but still stand behind what I said to her which was the she was being very disrespectful and no one deserves to be treated this way. As we ate dinner she looked across the table at me and told me she was going to go to her councelor in the morning at school to tell them that I punched her in the face. I told her I was tired of the attitude and if she thought someone better could raise her then she should pack her stuff.

So for all of this I am guessing I am asking what do you do? For over the past 4 years her attitude and disrespect grows. The hugs and the "I love you's" are further apart. I feel like a horrible parent bc I dread the days my SD is with us and love it when she is with her BM. Our home is so calm and relaxing. I love my husband and feel as if this is my one and only, but I am not sure how much longer I can deal with the attitude, disrespect, and poutings like a 2 year old. I hope there are other parents that have been here. If not, I am sorry I wasted your time.