So we just had the skids last weekend (Feb 7-9) and talk about deja vu!

Everything was fine until Sunday while DH was at work (always on their last day with us). SD10 told me that SS12 (who has ADHD was playing with BS2's sippy cup and spilled some milk on her pants. Now, you can say it was an accident, but this is SS12 we're talking about - there ARE no accidents! So, like I do with my own kids, I took away a privilege - well, not really TOOK it away, I just pushed his computer time back and let his sister go first. In any case, he was TOLD why he was given the consequence. Now, I thought this was a reasonable punishment, but boy was I "wrong".

So in usual fashion, SS12 starts saying stuff like "You're a fat pig" and "Someone's gonna get punched". So, I just thought he was mad at his sister for telling on him or whatever. But THEN, I hear SS12 telling BS6 that "Your mom is gonna get punched out by MY mom" :jawdrop: :? :jawdrop: So then I was like "OH! So this is about ME!" He threw in a few threats to his sister, as well. I tried to ignore it, and I told SD10 to ignore it. BUT the more we ignored his rantings, the more he kept going on! He then started breaking BS6's crayons and whipping them around the house, which I asked him to stop. Of course, he didn't. Then, he started throwing BS2's little stuffed animals towards SD10, one of which hit ME...so then, I LOST it! I told him firmly that that behaviour would NOT be tolerated in the house. SS12, being the way he is, just gave me the middle finger! :jawdrop: He continued with his "My mom hates you" and "My mom is gonna punch your ugly face" and "I wanna call my mom" and he was banging and kicking the walls, and he called BS6 a "dog". THEN...THEN! He started trying to purposely HIT ME! :jawdrop: I can tell you right now that I was LIVID! I mean, who did this kid think he was?!? Now, I know you're not supposed to get into it with children, but I draw the line at physical violence. I told him how he's not going to intimidate me and that his behaviour is very disappointing, etc. He just would NOT back down. So, finally, I put my foot down and told him that he was not welcome to join us when we go away to the cottage this summer - after this very same incident back in December, DH told the kids that if they were good, he'd take them with us (we do not reward bad behaviour). So, anyway, nothing worked...until DH came home and saw the mess SS12 had made, throwing things around.

DH had a conversation with BM and told her that SS12's behaviour was not acceptable, and that she needs to ground him. DH couldn't do much because they were going home that afternoon, so he left it up to BM to discipline him. She told DH that the behaviour was a cause of SS12 going off his meds (because they caused seizures). Now, I did some research, and yes, certain ADHD meds are known to cause aggression and irritablity in kids with ADHD. But how much of the behaviour can be blamed on the meds? Isn't there SOME degree of accountability that has to be taken? BM said that she's dealt with the same behaviour before, but what has she done to try to fix it, other than take his Playstation away? I mean, can you blame ALL of it on the meds?

His behaviour is getting increasingly worse - last time, it was just name calling and threatening. This time, there was physical violence (not outright hitting - yet! - but there was intent, and the force with which he was throwing things could have really hurt someone!). I have a 2-yr-old and my first priority is his safety, not to mention the safety of BS6 and SD10. SS12 is about my height (5') and growing, so pretty soon, I won't be able to "handle" him. He's quite irrational at times (he has a few anger issues), so who knows how far his behaviour will go - and I'd rather not find out. I told DH that if he acts like this again, I'm going to call my MIL or FIL and have them take him out of the house until DH gets home. Or DH can take him to work with him at 4am in the morning. Either way, I can't have SS12 in the house with me if DH isn't home.

I've noticed that he does this sh*t only when his dad is at work. And I'm pretty sure he treats his mother this same way, mainly as a result of how SHE treats HIM - she responds with things like "The next time you talk to me like that, I'm gonna smack you in your mouth" (I heard this during one of their FB video chats). The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. In fact, it's still ON the tree and growing mold! I have a sinking feeling that he's going grow up to be a wife beater who is in and out of jail if something isn't done about his behaviour and/or his medication :? He's just a very disrespectful child, and not in the "4-yr-old kid who doesn't know any better" sense of the word. This is flat out "juvenile delinquent" disrespect! I don't know what we can do, short of not getting the kids for awhile. There's only so much that DH and I can do/say, and BM has poisoned SS12's mind against us so much that he doesn't feel he needs to listen to us.

Has anyone dealt with violent skids? What did you do about the situation? Has anything worked in terms of discipline and house rules?

Anyway, thanks for reading and NOT JUDGING! *Rant over*

*A few points:
1. SS12 has been in counselling before, not sure about if he's still in it (judging from the way things went down, I think it's safe to say that he's not!)
2. SS12 and SD10 WERE in hockey a couple of years ago, but not anymore (BM couldn't be bothered, or it cost too much) - SS12 needs to be in organized sports to learn what teamwork and discipline mean
3. BM has moved the kids TWICE in the last 8 months; she couldn't afford the rent in her last place, so she moved them back to their old complex and they are now living with her friend, the friend's BF, and their 2 kids in a 3-bedroom townhouse
4. BM has recently taken up pot-smoking (probably why she couldn't afford her rent!), and used to leave the kids alone for an hour to go to her neighbour's house to smoke; when SD10 tried to get her to quit (because her behaviour after she smoked wasn't tolerable), she responded with "It's none of your business, I'll do what I want!"