If I already know I cant stand my Fianceé s daughter, should i even go through with our plans of getting married??

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Okay I hope I get some feedback on this issue.

First let me provide some important info. I am a mother of two kids myself a little girl who is 7yr old and a 5yr old son who has been clinically diagnosed with "Autism" So its not that I don't have a heart or patience for a child. My fianceé has a daugther who just turned 6 but OMG throughs tantrums and anything else to get attention whether its good or bad attention. I can't tolerate her falling on the floor and whining, come on if my 5yr old son w/ autism doesn't do it there's no reason why she should!! His reason is he fought so hard for her and he only has limited time w her, so therefore he feels like he shouldn't be "strict" on her.

I feel terrible because I don't want to be the terrible stepmother, but the little girl always taunts me and my kids. Almost like the cat from Cinderella, makes us to look like the bad ones. His ex uses her to dangle over his head and he jumps every hoop. I on the other hand can get along w my ex husband and I actually get along with his girlfriend. So its not like I'm a bitter and hateful person.

Should I even continue this relationship or just cut my losses lose him and move on. Because seriously I can't imagen having a fight every single Wed and every other wknd when he gets her and she purposely gets my daughter in trouble and bothers my son and throws her tantrums. HELP Please

Me, personally, I would cut

Me, personally, I would cut my losses. There is no reason to put up with the ridiculousness.

hmm. No I wouldn't. If you

hmm. No I wouldn't. If you already know there is issues, walk away. It really doesn't get much better and it will just lead to issues with you and dad.

I walked away from XBF even

I walked away from XBF even though he wanted to get married. 2 out of 3 of his daughters ( or should I say the wife- oldest one, aka Bulldozer and the baby- 6 year old miss perfect in every way)would make my life miserable as long as I stayed. Of course it was all me, all in my head, I was the crazy one.

It was very hard, but I have never been so right in all my life! Now I can't believe what I put up with and that I allowed myself to be treated like that. If he's blind my mine was, cut your losses and let them move on. Then you can help console the next woman that tries with him, cause that's how we all find this place! LOL!

I walked away from XBF even

*Insert Auteur's assessment

*Insert Auteur's assessment questions of guilty daddy here.*

Somewhere Auteur has a great list of questions. Will have to find them for you.

but... "he only has limited time w her, so therefore he feels like he shouldn't be "strict" on her."
This is your first red flag. If you don't have a disciplined child now, its just that much worse later.

Thanks Ill read into that. I

Thanks Ill read into that. I am not perfect but I will say that I am trying my best to raise my two little ones upright and that means discipline need to be implemented not out of madness but out of love. In the long run all he is doing is setting up failure for her in her adult life, because reality is that everything in Life has consequences.

I really appreciate this too,

I really appreciate this too, because my bf's son is almost the same way. he's so spoiled, because daddy doesn't want to be strict, or feels guilty, or whatever, but if he doesn't implement some discipline now, it's gonna be REALLY hard on this 3 year old when he starts school. I would really love some help on how to deal with this. if we get married and have a child, i don't want our child to be that spoiled. spoiled with love, not with laziness, if that makes any sense.

Thank You , Thank You sooo

Thank You , Thank You sooo much, its true if I don't let my kids act this way with me I'm not gonna start letting this little girl to get the best of me. Who I feel bad for is my kids (they Love him dearly when she's not around) and him because whether he sees it or not the ex (who crossed her legs around him to get pregnant and told him shed make his life miserable) is keeping him on a leashthrough the little girl and every woman will be running away from him............

I'm normally a patient loving woman but since this little girl I've become bitter and mean. So perhaps its a good idea to cut my losses.

Hugs and good luck!

Here it is Courtesy of

Here it is
Courtesy of Auteur
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

Damn you beat me!!

with proper acknowledgment

with proper acknowledgment though

YES TO ALL of those Auteur

YES TO ALL of those Auteur questions!!! what do i do about it?

If you can't stand her now,

If you can't stand her now, how would you stand her a life time??? If you are to be a SM to her, how are you going to do anything but be a woman living in the household having to put up with her behavior...?

R U N N O F

R U N N O F T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh heh "oh brother where art

heh heh "oh brother where art thou?"

Wow I have to tell you

Wow I have to tell you this......get out. I married a man and have 4 step children all with severe mental issues. One is living with me now and he has a deep hatred towards women so you can only imagine what I have been through. I never liked my DH's kids, thought they were trouble makers. They come from a home where there is no discipline, no rules, no boundaries, no consequences because the BM just doesn't want to take the time with them.....and because of it they are awful. I thought however that I could help them and maybe help them to be on a better path in life....boy was that ever a huge fantasy of mine. My DH and I are fighting like cats and dogs right now because of my SS15 that is living with us (for more info visit my post Help Needed). I stayed because I love my husband very much....... but when I married him I also married his children so to speak and all the problems and baggage that they all have. If you are feeling like this now its best to just cut your losses. You will only grow more resentment and anger if you stay and it isn't good for you or the others involved in the long run. Good luck to you I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

Cut your losses. I too have

Cut your losses. I too have an autistic boy and stress affects them tremendously. The only reason I have stayed is because DH is the bio-dad of my son...otherwise I would have left years ago.

Hell NO! Don't get married

Hell NO! Don't get married b/c your problem IS your SO!!

Never ever get involved with a guilty daddy. 99.9% of the time they stay a guilty daddy for LIFE! And that spells YEARS of MISERY for you with a capital "M!"

Ask yourself these pertinent questions before going through with ANYTHING:

1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children? Afraid that they might go "running back" to the BM?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.

Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?

Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.

How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?

RUN! I actually liked both

RUN! I actually liked both twins before I said "I do". First time I asked them to not do or to do something I got (example: pick up your dirty dish & take it to the sink): You can't tell me what to do you aren't my mother, or this is my house and I can do what I want here. After 2 weeks of being married BM decides we can keep them full time & she collects child support. I never wake up from the nightmare called my life now. DH tries to be neutral (HA HA) and let us work it out. I have no power in my house when skids are present. None. Zippo. Needless to say neither skid said Happy Mother's Day to me this year or the past 3 years. ALthough I cook dinner, wash their clothes, clean/clean/clean, take excellent care of their husky and Dad.

Have you tried telling him

Have you tried telling him how perilously close you are to ending the relationship because of his lack of discipline? Sometimes it takes a 2x4 in the head for a man to understand the seriousness of the situation. If you haven't tried talking about it, my suggestion would be for the two of you to go out to a neutral place, a restaurant or something and give him the "State of the Relationship" talk. Explain to him that in the end, its gonna be your head he's sleeping next to when his daughter grows up and begins her own life without him. Try to compromise. If you find that he is not open to some of your suggestions or is not willing to try to get her in hand, then I would say that you've done all that you can and you should move on.

I wouldn't go through with

I wouldn't go through with the wedding. Get out now. It will not get better. I personally don't believe that there is only one true love for each person. You will find someone else. Do not continue with this. Really, Just say no. I wish I had had the guts to call off my wedding, so that I wouldn't have wasted so many years of my life.

I will tell you right now, if

I will tell you right now, if I had had any idea of what I was getting into I never would have married my DH. RUN NOW! Its not the issues that your possible SD has thats the biggest problem, its the issue of your soon to be DH not understanding that you do not condone this behavior and wont allow it in your house. If he doesnt want to be strict on her now at 6 y/o, your issues will only get much much worse as time goes on. If your possible DH was supportive and showed he was willing to set rules and follow through for his daughter I would say you should maybe chance it, but with him not willing to set limits at all at the age of six I say you should get out now while you still can. Save yourself tons of stress and even worse heartbreak later on, you have enough on your plate with your own children.

Move on with the quickness!!!

Move on with the quickness!!! it does not get better especially when the Father allows such to go on.

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If I already know I cant stand my Fianceé s daughter, should i even go through with our plans of getting married??