I know I just need to be patient but this doesn't seem fair.
So basically right now DH works 6 days a week. We have moved in with my FIL to save $ for our own house and we have a child of our own. Also I'm in school full time, even over the summer. DH has two daughters from a past relationship (never married...the second is a result of a one night drunken mistake AFTER they broke up). The kids come here every.weekend. Their BM drops them off early Friday morning (now that school is out) and doesn't pick them up until late Sunday night. Overall they're pretty well behaved but they are really clingy. FIL is "supposed" be looking after them when they're here but it always falls on me. He's an old man and never had to raise kids before. They always want to hang around me and the baby. DH is almost never home. So I have three kids all weekend, every weekend, by myself with very little if ANY help. PLUS I'm taking classes online, taking care of the house, dinner, etc. and doing an internship. It's wearing me down fast......When we had our own place DH would only get them every other weekend and that was great. This situation SUCKS.
I feel bad for the kids because their mother is a piece of shit that does nothing but work some crappy job, party, sleep with randoms and dump them off onto anyone she can. When they're dropped off they're almost always dirty and hungry. On DH's ONE DAY OFF a week we don't get to spend any time together as a family (him, myself and OUR son) because his other kids are here and usually up his ass. I pretty much just take care of them when I'm alone...then do my own thing when he's home and stay out of their way. I know they need to spend time with their dad but it does get lonely when I'm always alone, and when he is here we can't even go shopping together and hold hands because the kids are ALL OVER HIM.
My biggest issue is just that, if he isn't even home most of the weekend WHY ARE THEY HERE?
DH says it's because FIL wants them here and doesn't want them in daycare...We've already gotten in so many fights about this. BM even tried to leave them here until Monday nights. Luckily I was able to shut that down. Bitch no, you don't get Child Support AND only have to parent 3 days a week. Are you kidding me?!
DH keeps saying he's going to cut back on his hours so he can be here on the weekends but he's been saying that for 3 months now. I'm getting impatient and pissed off. I feel guilty for feeling this way but really...I feel like both the BM and DH are taking advantage of me and making me play Nanny for free. Maybe I should start asking for some $$$ for this babysitting job. BM gets paid and she hardly sees them.
If he used to get them every
If he used to get them every other weekend, why is he getting them every weekend now?
Don't feel guilty about how you feel, it does sound like you are being taken advantage of.
If FIL is not going watch them and your DH is not there to watch them and spend time with them, they don't need to be there.
Time to put your foot down, they are not your responsibility.
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If his parenting time is EOWE then he needs to tell her EOWE NOT EVERY WE.
So why do you "have to be
So why do you "have to be patient"? Explain that to me as I am confused. Seems to me for the past THREE months you have been patient.
Perhaps your dh is exhausted and just cannot face a battle with ex, fil over changing the schedule or perhaps he enjoys having allthree of his children under his roof every weekend so he can see them. I can understand it and it appears you have sympathy over this issue BUT hes not getting any or much quality time with them if hes working most days, the same can be said for his relationship and your ds! Not to mention how you are understandably sinking under having three kids every weekend, your own ft and you keep the house AND study. You need to tell him you are struggling, you need to explain to him it cannot and will not continue. I would inform him you will not be available and you are giving him notice to change the schedule, as currently you have waited 3 months for changes but you are unable to wait further.
Please do not feel guilty, not only may dh and fil use that as a weapon to blackmail you, but remember you too need time to build your own dreams and a career, have time with ds and your dh.
I had a similar situation
I had a similar situation where my In-Laws lived under the same roof and my DH and they were of the mindset that SD was better off at the house than wherever her worthless BM *might* leave her. Of course, BM took advantage. This came up in therapy and it was finally put to a stop. My DH had to tell his folks no more taking SD on BM's parenting time. The reason our therapist gave, that finally got thru to DH was that kids "know" when they're not "supposed" to be somewhere. Your skids likely realize that they switched from EOWE to EWE, and they might even feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Your FIL doesn't want the kids in daycare? Well, who's kids are they? And if HE wants to be BM's daycare so she can go live it up on the weekends, then he can move out and provide all the childcare he wants for BM. Your feelings are valid. Those kids are not your responsibility. The extra time that they are at your home is not fair to you or your son. The fact that you and your DH never have a single night where you can be a married couple is not okay.
Your DH needs to stand up for your marriage and stand up to his dad and stick to the original agreement. For fucks sake, it's not like he's even spending time with them...
You are expected to watch
You are expected to watch mini-wives every weekend? Oh hell no. Not your kids, not your problem.