If it were me, I would politely make "other" plans with friends or your family and stand strong. If you don't want to go, then don't get pressured in going- be polite, but be firm. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it's not in your best interest to keep that going. That's like adding salt to an old wound.

When I broke up with my X years ago, his parents and I were still pretty close. They were my 'surregant' parents and I was the daughter they never had. So, it took a year, but I eventually weined them off of me and vs. I didn't have the heart to just vanish from them, but I certainly didn't want to hang out with them either...lol. So, I started to pick and chose my 'events' and slowly did more with my family instead or by myself. I started to drop off the Holidays too, because they would be presistent in having me over 'with the family'. So, I understand where you're coming from.

When I started dating again, they got the idea, but my MIL always joked around... "make sure you give me plenty of time before the wedding so I can get a nice dress." It always felt alittle ackward, but they were really good people who felt that they failed their son and in some way, were trying to make it up to me.

I just suggest that you start to be strong, and plan on doing things with your friends and family more. Let your X take your son and be done with it. lol. I by no means think that you are being rude, just the contrary. Sometimes I think it's almost better when the two X's are fighting because then the line has been drawn.

It takes time to get over the hurt feelings of separation and divorce, and mingling with ex-in-laws, I feel, can limit your progress in moving on.

In my situation, dh and ex gf broke up 2 years before I came into the picture, then we fought for custody b/c she is seriously unstable, she was able to keep custody, but there were a lot of hurt feelings. Then a year later, she started dating someone she geniunely loved. I swear total transformation occured, b/c she went from being unstable, and unreasonable, to bending over backwards to support my dh as a father (unfortunately this relationship only lasted two years and when it ended..she returned to being unstable and unreasonable).

During this 2 year relationship of hers, it was nice for us...we combined bdays parties for ss, we went to her families house for Easter and Christmas one year...and really we had fun. We joked, and laughed, and just plain had a good time, and even ss was happy about it.

Right now, it doesn't sound like you have any desire to be there, or be around your ex. There is nothing wrong with this. It just either isn't you, or if it is..you are not ready for this. I think that it is a nice gesture to not treat you like a b*tch, or backstab you, or treat you poorly simply b/c you are an ex, so I would embrace their kindness. But do so in a manner that is comfortable for you, like instead of family get together's...maybe coffee with ex-mil only. If the idea of mingling with their family get togethers makes you uncomfortable, nothing wrong with it, just make your own plans, and do what makes you comfortable.

I guarentee that your ex's gf or fiance..whatever she is..is embracing you as a future friend, b/c she wants what is best for your son. She recognizes that you are a likeable person, and I think that it is incredibly self-less for her to set aside any uncomfortable feelings she may have towards you as you being the "ex" to provide the best possible scenerio for your son. You don't have to be her friend, or agree with this, but I know I have extended a lot of kindness to my dh's ex for this very reason...the problems that I do have with her is that she really isn't likeable when she is single...