Breaking SS6's mini-spouse habits.
Hey all,
Just looking for suggestions on how to break SS6's constant need for mom's attention above all others and needs. He's inbetween SS9 and SS5 (x2). The others are needy, but this kid has an intense desire to be the center of attention at all costs at all times. I'm talking about hanging from the bunk bed bars to running around the store yelling at her. He screams when he's not paid attention to, and does not take to her punishments. Example, he's been punished for this behavior before and he takes it, cries, then does it again. He hits her on occasion when he's not listened to or doesn't get his way, and now he's told her he gets scared shes going to die whenever he's dropped off at the BD's for the weekend. He also has a habit of crawling all over her when she and I are trying to have a conversation, despite her demands to not do it and punishment thereafter.
Thoughts (helpful ones, not the "run away" ones) on how to handle him? I realize he's not my concern, but he's starting to interfere with my personal relationship with her, and it's not like she isn't trying.
Yeah I wasn't sure what to
Yeah I wasn't sure what to call it. I mean, he's echoing his dads behavior because he saw that it worked so.... coulda gone either way, I guess.
Thanks for the advice though. I guess what Im looking for is techniques that others have used that actually work.
I hear you. In fact, this is
I hear you. In fact, this is why I broke up with her a while back. All of her kids were acting like animals and I called her out on it, told her that we will never be together until she gets them in order. And aside from SS6, she has. She's made her own steps towards being a better parent, and I can respect that. My problem is that this kid does not listen whatsoever to anything other than his own internal urges. She's spanked him, shes punished him, she's grounded him and taken away things. Nothing seems to change his pattern of behavior. Short of sending him to military school, I'm at a loss on what to suggest. This is her deal to handle, but I'd like to offer her some advice on how to approach it. Whether or not she takes it is up to her.
Time to many up, grab this
Time to many up, grab this little shit by the scruff of the neck, drag him to his room, get in his face, poke him firmly in his chest a few times while giving him the firm message that he will not hit his mother, interrupt adult conversations, or behave like an animal. Close with .... and if you do it again I will turn you over my knee immediately and spank your ass!!!!!
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Your bride needs to step up and deliver to this kid a consistent zero tolerance message. If she does not step up then you are going to have to do it for her.
Good luck.
Believe me, I want to.
Believe me, I want to. Thankfully for him, he's only around me once a week or so. It's the times she's alone with him that I hear most of this going on, aside from the climbing thing, which I plan to address the next time he does it. What pisses me off the most is that he follows it up with a huge hug and "I LOVE YOU!" right after in an attempt to manipulate the situation. He's a little shit, and he needs to be set straight.
Mom needs to let skid know he
Mom needs to let skid know he will not be spoken to until he stops screaming then let him scream his damn head off, don't speak to him or even look at him while he does it, shut his door and leave him in there screaming, once he finds out his ways of getting attention aren't working he will switch to a different gear. Let him know if he climbs on her he will get spanked, and when he does it, she needs to spank his as*.
He's getting what he wants so
He's getting what he wants so he keeps doing it. He has to stop getting what he wants.
Also I think it could help if she could
a) tire him out (physically)
b) teach him some appropriate outlets for getting attention
c) help him learn to self-soothe
I would certainly limit if not eliminate that kid's access to electronics. Have him play a lot of physical games, instead.
Also work on his mental development like reading, art, math (puzzles and riddles), and storytelling. And definitely social skills.
Teach him he can get his mother's attention for appropriate amounts of time at regular intervals -- not constantly. He can do this by using good social skills: Mom, I made a picture. When can I show it to you?
He's only six so you say, "that's great...in ten minutes when I've got the casserole ready to go in the oven." Then you've bought some kind of interesting timer and teach him how to set it.
You have to set this up in bite-sizes that make sense to his 6 year old brain. So he experiences success with the new rules and begins to find them comfortable and rewarding.
Good luck.
hummm Mum is the problem,
hummm Mum is the problem, she's not firm enough with him. She allows this and then complains about it....
the kid is 6, he gets away with it all thanks to Mum.
If he hits her she should simply take his hand, slap it hard and say, if you ever hit me again you will be sorry understood....
if he screams in the shops cause he can't get his way - she simple needs to leave her trolley, grab him by his collar and go home - he gets nothing, next time he stays at home.... until he behaves.
climbs all over her when you try to talk to her - she needs to pick him up and put him in his room and tell him, this is your punishment for being rude, then close the door, he can scream and cry as much as he wants, Mum needs to be strong and consistent with her punishments. He's 6 he will learn
I know this may be a cop-out,
I know this may be a cop-out, but he may need evaluated for impulse control too.
The behavior is combo of middle child's and manipulation. I would talk to her and just point out the behavior and come up with facts that reinforces the behavior you wish to see. Minimize the punishment.