Both sides of the fence are AWFUL!
Im not sure where to even start.
I am a step-mom to two adult women, and two adorable grandbabies. Which means, my hubby is step-dad to my son and daughter. There is drama EVERYWHERE!!!! Im not sure whether to run away or lose my mind.
My husband hates my son. My son is 12- and holy cow he is a handful. He is bipolar/ADHD, and hormonal on top of everything. He has an attitude from he!! and, Im not sure if its just a teenage thing....but the whole world has to revolve around him. On the flipside, Im his mom. There is nobody in the world I love more than this little boy. For as bad as he can be, holy cow he is the most generous and big hearted little man. The flips are amazing night and day, and Im certainly not defending his bad behavior.
It has come to the point where all of the interaction between DH and DS is awful. DH orders him around and of course will never do anything right. DS flips him attitude and is defiant. I argue with DH- telling him to let me be the bad guy, the one who has to discipline and remind, and all the other life stuff. Will DH listen....OF COURSE NOT. Then I argue with DS telling him that he is expected to treat DH respectfully no matter what- because we are the adults. Will DS listen....OF COURSE NOT.
Then on the flipside, SD lives with us. She is 28 and has the two grandbabies with her some of the time. She is a recovering heroin user, and just blew off drug court last week so AGAIN, she has a warrant for her arrest. In addition, she again took my debit card to get cash to pay for a drug debt where the guy was harassing her. It takes everything I am to keep my bounderies, be loving and sympathetic, and deal with this situation. Luckily I love her, and her me, but its hard anyway!!!!!
I often compare the two- his daughter and my son. They both have issues. Yet, I am so good to SD, treat her as my own, and ultimately have become very close to her because of this. Is it really too much to ask for DH to treat my son decent? I get that its hard. Im in the same boat. I had years worth of SD calling me every name in the book and stealing from me etc.
IM AT MY WITS END. At the end of the day my 'mama bear' instict is going crazy. Do I leave, do I stay, do I...ugh I dont even know what to do. Help????
Advice please????
Jo
I can't agree with the logic
I can't agree with the logic of comparing a 13yo BP/ADHD child to a 28yo adult who chooses to be a junky. Yes, addition IMHO is a CHOICE. If you have an addictive personality, STAY AWAY FROM YOUR ADDICTION!!
It is also time for your SD to be OUT, OUT, OUT. I would have had her ass in prison for stealing my money to pay a drug debt the first time she did it.
DH needs to step up and be the adult with your DS. I find it very interesting that he is tolerant of his junky daughter but chooses not to be tolerant of your son who has legitimate problems that are not of his own making.
Wow! :jawdrop:
I am sorry for your
I am sorry for your situation, but how loving can your stepdaughter really be, if she stole your debit to pay off a drug debt?
Your focus needs to be off this adult SD, and on your minor child, who seems to need the attention. If I were you? My DH would back his ass off my kid, especially when his 28 year old junkie daughter was mooching off of my household.
I have to ask, is your DH worthy of your kids respect, to start with?
I completely agree with the
I completely agree with the point that my focus should be on my son. With his challenges, the majority of my focus is on him. Two years ago I had to make the devastating choice of putting him in a residential treatment facility. He needed some intensive med management and behavior management and therapy. I could only see him 4 times a week for short periods and family therapy. At that time, DH came with me. We went through many classes on how to parent him, because its hard and it is not like you parent other children. Anyway, to make a long story short.....we have been around the block and back with my son.
Now DH just says that he is being a defiant brat. That he could control himself if he wants to. I think to some extent that is true, but not completely. Im scared everyday for his future. But its as if all of the therapy and training went in one ear and out the other.
Its only been the last 6 months or so that we are trying to be more supportive of SD because she has been clean now for almost a year (her missing drug court was not because of a relapse)- and she is drug tested 5 times a week. As a stepmom I am trying to....oh heavens I dont know what Im trying to do. I dont want to be the 'bad guy', and my DH has no backbone.
We had WWIII at my house this weekend because my son put cubes of ice on the carpet for the dog to chew. The same day was when SD told us she had used my debit card. Now, maybe Im biased but I think the ice thing should be a no big deal issue compared to the debit card thing.
I told DH I was moving out in a month, once I could save the money. My head says its the right thing, but my heart is struggling with it.