Struggling with wanting to slap the skids silly -Vent
So my SS 16 turned 16 on Saturday. He was told in the fall (well for years, really) he must have a 70+ in each class in order to join the ski club, and he failed with that showing us a 57 in history at mid term. I was so proud of my husband for sticking to his guns and not letting SS 16 go to ski club. He warned him he had to get his marks up with his 16th birthday approaching if he wanted any support regarding his license and a future car. So what did he do? He did even worse! Finished the course with a 56. Then he had the nerve to fish around with my husband the other day about paying for half of his driver training course etc. Once again, I was so proud of my husband for sticking to his guns. He told him that he had been warned he had to get his marks up and hand his work in, and he refused to do it so he was on his own. SS 16 didn't even ask his teacher if there was any extra work he could do to bring his mark up until exams, when she told him it was way too late. He had gone the whole semester not handing in work or handing in mediocre work, but I guess he figured charm alone would be enough to get by. (thanks so much for teaching him that life lesson BM)
On the flipside, my son 15 has blown us away with his work this year. His first year in high school, and he has been consistently an A+ student the whole time. He has worked hard, he does his homework every night, he asked for help when he's at school and has even skipped lunch in order to work with teachers. And we didn't ask any of this of him - it's just his work ethic and personality shining through.
So I am frustrated, because I feel a twinge of guilt every time I brag about my son in my husband's presence, who is doing so amazingly well. And yet I cannot follow up with a positive sentence about my SS 16 because he isn't doing anything. And honestly I DON'T want to!
And I am frustrated, because SS16 was given the same resources as my son - and he refused them, even told me that he knew what he was doing and didn't need my help. We went through the same thing with SD 18, who couldn't be bothered to get her license, turned her nose up at every opportunity that was presented to her, and now she is living on her own in an apartment in a nearby downtown recently dumped by a boyfriend who couldn't take her drama either.
I have tried twice now to talk to people about how frustrating I find this, but you know how that goes. They all think as step parents we're just big old meanies. Don't we understand that they're just kids? I call bullshit on that. My son is just a kid, and he's not pulling any of this crap. I'm so sick and freaking tired of hearing that these kids need special treatment. That is just bullshit. My son is a child of divorce as well, he just happens to have parents who don't subscribe to this line of nonsense.
We aren't talking about a kid who tried his very best at school and just couldn't figure it out. We're talking about a kid whose teacher consistently said that he doesn't hand in his work, his work isn't complete, and he is never prepared for tests. He is a mediocre kid doing mediocre things and obviously getting mediocre results but he wants the treats that come with hard work.
And I hate, despise, that I am supposed to pat him on the back, pretend that the crap he's doing is okay and that he should be applauded for it? Why would we applaud not doing your work? Why am I a bad parent for expecting him to get his work done? What the hell is wrong with having expectations of handing your work in completed? Since when is it okay to not do your assignments? What kind of kid are we raising if we teach them that it's okay? They're never going to get jobs and hold jobs down with that kind of thinking.
Some days I seriously wish that I could speak face-to-face with intelligent people who have been through this kind of garbage who would never say that there is something wrong with me for wanting better for these kids.
Sigh, and now I return to my disengaged place of happiness, I spend a lot of time here now. Thanks for letting me vent.
- Sparklelady's blog
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Comments
lol First: There is
lol
First: There is definitely no comparing them. They are different animals. But I think I was pretty clear that he was only asked to actually complete his homework and hand it in, not be an A+ student. (Plus he is perfectly capable of A's but that's another story not related to this vent)
Second: it's just below the box you type your comments in… "Allowed HTML tags"
It's a whole different
It's a whole different situation if the kid was trying as hard as he could and still getting mediocre or worse grades. But it isn't a matter of how smart the kid is or how fast he can learn. It's laziness, pure and simple.