Having second thoughts. What's wrong with me?
So if any of you have read my previous posts, you'll know that I've been pretty torn between whether not to break up with my boyfriend of almost two years. He has one 6 year old son and its been a journey that has been very challenging sometimes. I have appreciated every single ounce of feedback you all have given me so far. Its been very needed during this emotional time.
Earlier today I was talking with an old friend about the situation and she agreed that I would very likely be better off by leaving and that I need to focus on myself for awhile and get back to my own life and what I want in my own future. I felt refreshed after our chat but then shortly afterwards I felt immensely sad. I felt like I had just gone and betrayed BF somehow. I felt like "Oh wow, this is really it. This decision to leave is really closing in." and then I got all these flashbacks about the good times and all the times he had me howling with laughter and now I just feel like breaking down and crying until my tear ducts dry up completely.
Its a full-on case of dumper's remorse and I haven't even called off the relationship as of yet. All I'm suddenly seeing is the good times and what makes him so good. Why do I have this urge to just say fuck everything and stay, after all of the soul searching I've been doing and all of the signs pointing to "Run now while you can"? This is killing me!
I keep thinking thoughts now like "His son really isn't THAT bad" and "But he's SUCH a good man and has been there for me time and time again, thats hard to find in anyone" and "What if I regret this so much in the future? What if he really is the one and I'm just too stupid or blind to accept things as they are?"
Help? 
Rip off the bandaid. Stop
Rip off the bandaid. Stop torturing yourself.
Please, please do not sign up for this. The sheer volume of unhappy step parents on here is all the proof you need.
RUN!
I've been thru this more than
I've been thru this more than once. When you are not happy - you have to leave. I now have a great DH. Sure his adult son is an ahole - but I don't have to have any contact with him.
Maybe that's just what
Maybe that's just what happens as part of growing up? Maybe he was a great boyfriend, but you don't want a boyfriend anymore, you want a partner to build a future with. And you see that he's not that man.
Of course he has lots of wonderful qualities, you wouldn't have fallen for him or stayed with him if he didn't. But he seems to be missing the qualities you need in a partner you can build a future with.
I've read all of your posts.
I've read all of your posts.
How about taking a break? Is that feasible? I can't remember what your living situation is. If you don't live with your boyfriend, how about telling him you need a month (or two or three) just on your own. I think you'll gain more clarity if you take some time for yourself and be on your own.
Really considering this
Really considering this break, Peony. And thank you for reading my posts. I don't know if I've mentioned it but BF and I do not live together. He tried countless times to get me to move in with him during the first year, but I kept declining and pulling away. Looking back, I had to have had a strong gut instinct even then to know better than to do that just yet.
Thank you all for helping to
Thank you all for helping to provide a little clarity right now. I've considered asking for just a break but I always swore i'd never do that in a relationship again because it gets too confusing and sometimes hurts even more than just completely breaking it off. But I'm not totally dismissing the option.
moeilijk, I think you have a point, I think I'm looking at the big picture now and a future with this situation just doesn't seem fitting. It hasn't fit with me for awhile now but loving the BF as much as I do, it just makes for a miserable situation all around.
I saw where someone said on a different thread on here that stepfamilies go against everything natural - that its kind of an abomination. Words couldn't feel more truer to me at this point in my life. I hate it. I hate that I didn't get my chance at a clean slate with this guy who was almost the one. If only we could've met a few years earlier... But I know, thats horrible to say. He definitely has no regrets about creating a child, nor should he. its ultimately ME who has the problem. No wonder step parents often feel so lonely.
Thank you Sally, this is very
Thank you Sally, this is very helpful. I will be working on that list as of today. And I think this is a situation where I really should ask for some time off while I work through this. I'm in this vicious cycle of letting my priorities and responsibilities go by the wayside because I've been too depressed and stressed to do much of anything. Then the weekend comes and he's like "You're coming over right?" and even now that he's not getting his son this weekend, its still a lot for me right now.