You've got a Disney Dad on your hands. He is doing this child no favors by not disciplining him. Life does not work that way and people do not want to be around selfish, bossy and misbehaving children. They do not thrive. Worse, they don't have the skills to leave the nest when they become adults. Also, if the child knew there would be consequences there would be far less disciplining in the long run.

How great a partner can he be for you if he is choosing to allow a 5 year old to be rude to you and disrespect you? I think it's great your setting boundaries. His feelings are hurt? Aren't yours when the child acts like a brat, mouths off to you & he does nothing? I think it's perfectly acceptable to not spend time with a child who is rude and disrespectful & that's before your health concerns are taken into account. Take care of yourself first. Let the rest fall where it may. Best of luck.

The problem isn't the son, it's the man.

Your BF refuses to parent his child and uses excuses for his laziness. This is never going to change and if you stay with him, your health will continue to deteriorate.

Thankfully you do not live with him and you have been smart enough not to have any kids with him (Hint. If he's a shitty parent to his 5 year old, he will be a shitty, permissive parent to any kids you have with him).

End the relationship and move on. However, if you choose to stay with him......

1. Stop bringing them to your family dinners. Take them off the guest list tout-de-suite.
2. Limit your time with him during skid weekends. Spending only a few hours here and a few hours there with the two of them.
3. Double up on birth control. You do not want to get pregnant by this man.
4. Understand he is not a good boyfriend. He is lazy and is looking for someone to raise his kid for him on his weekends. A scapegoat if you will, so he he looks like the good guy while you're enforcing the rules.

Bottom line, this will not end well the longer you drag it out. The kid is your BFs son and will always be a part of his life. So you have to decide if the stress of the kid is worth being around the BF.

Sorry to hear you are having to put up with this; I agree this is a Disney Dad situation and you may never get him to see the damage he is doing to the entire family. I know from personal experience that your disorder will only get worse, and I wonder how much of it is tied to the ss?

Allow me to give you a glimpse of your future with this little bully, should you decide to stay... I'm sitting here in my room alone, trying to avoid the house full of noisy Skids and their SOs (who appear to hate me as much as the skids do). They seem hell bent on making me as miserable as possible... for which I am eternally grateful as I also have the flu. Having hubby go upstairs and just asking them to close the door, not to STFU mind you, just close the door, has prompted an endless parade of the noisy twits going up and down the stairs, yelling and laughing at the top of their lungs. That'll teach me to get in the way of their fun, I guess.

I finally gave up and retreated to the bedroom so I could have some peace and quiet, but can STILL hear them, ACROSS the house AND upstairs. The funniest thing (and I say that tongue-in-cheek) is that there is a bathroom upstairs but they are coming all the way down to use the one outside my bedroom door. They are making sure to stomp their little feet as they walk by, too. Priceless! I guess they want to make sure I don't escape them entirely.

I so much want to go up there and tell them what I think of them, that they're nothing but bullies and self-centered a-holes, but I know that it will only make me look worse than I already do in their eyes. Before I escaped the bedroom, my husband was sullen and distant from me because I can't take the noise (splitting headache, anyone?) emanating from his pack of little angels and he can read it in my body language.

Do yourself a favor - take care of yourself FIRST; your BF isn't, and probably won't. He won't ever understand how painful it is for you, or why you have these feelings. He is so busy feeling guilty for his own mistakes he thinks he is preventing another one. Take it from me, all the sacrifices you make, all the cheeks you turn, all the times you try just a little bit harder to be the adult, it will never be appreciated. I know it's a bit hypocritical of me to say "leave" when I've done the opposite, but had I known then what I know now... I probably wouldn't be here right now.

Don't end up like me, an emotional prisoner in my own home, ready to cry because I have a house full of entitled, self-centered brats who could care less about my needs or wants. I love my husband with all my heart - he is a different guy when not catering to these people, but the anxiety never goes away.

Whoops, double post!

I need to copy and paste my stock answer to this post that seems to appear every 2 months or so. *sigh* Ok, here goes: your man, who is "loving" "kind" , and "there for you" is a beyond shitty parent who is raising a monster. It'll only get much, much worse. You will NEVER win this war. It's a shame, I've seen a lot of women on here leave due to lazy parenting, who do these men think will keep them warm when they are old???? Good luck and God bless, whatever you decide.

I would say get out, fast. There will always be someone else to fall in love with. I know that sounds harsh. If I had known what I was in store for when I met my DH, I would have never called him back. Don't get me wrong, I love DH, but I had no clue the misery his kids and ex would bring to my life and my kids life.

You have a glimpse into your life that I wish I'd had. I didn't, they were on their best behavior, now they are feral animals.

LEAVE, seriously. He's only 5 and it will get so much worse. Not to mention the EX drama that will ensue.

This is a nightmare that you are never going to wake up from unless you let him go.

He has made it clear that he is not interested in disciplining his son and he is not all that concerned about YOU and how this is affecting you and your health. It will get much worse.

sometimes he gets him for extended weekends or other random days if his bio mother decides she wants to get rid of him for awhile.

What happens when BM wants to get rid of him for more than awhile?

It's been less than a year, he's shown you who he is (which is NOT "the best partner ever"),
cut your losses and move on. You will be much better for it.

Consider taking a different path for your life. NOT with this BF; not at this time. You sound young, still enmeshed with your own family of origin and resent his previous obligations. Disagree with some other posters ... I kinda think BF and his occasional son need someone with a better "fit."

Especially with anxiety issues ... you need to get yourself into a place where you do not have additional stress. Please do not ask a father to abandon his son and choose his GF.

Good luck

It's obvious you really love your BF, so to suggest that you "just leave him" is unrealistic. If he's a good man that treats you well, and you guys have a good relationship, then I think there's hope (if not, at least the experience will be invaluable). Have you talked to your BF about your role, and what he's comfortable with as far as discipline? It takes a village.

I don't know how long your BF and the BM have been apart, but in my experience (i used to be a teacher) kids naturally don't want to be brats. There's usually something else going on..meaning, it's not personal.

Personally, i can understand that your BF feels guilty..whether it's right or not, it's how he truly feels..and it definitely doesn't justify his laissez-faire parenting style. But my opinion is that if he doesn't step up, especially when the child is with you and/or your family, then maybe you could. It doesn't have to be all dramatic or public, just a consequence like timeout (1 minute for every year they are old). Give a warning, "if you do xyz (take that toy, yell at nephew, etc), then xyz is going to happen (you'll go to timeout)", and FOLLOW THROUGH...but ONLY if your BF is okay with it. I have more to say about this, so if this is something that might work for you, let me know and I'll elaborate.

My last little suggestion is sometimes it helps to tell the child your behavior expectations BEFORE you get to your family's house using age-appropriate language, of course. If you set the bar, kids will usually try to meet it (a little incentive doesn't hurt either; ice cream, piece of candy, etc..hehe).

Hopefully this helps. Take care!