First time dating someone with children. Three teenagers
Hello.
i looking for some advice.
ive currently met someone who has three teenage children. He has them every weekend, Friday night to Sunday night. We both work long hours and full time and I sometimes see him in the evening after work, but I often work till late and he often works away during the week.
As he is currently saving up a deposit on a house, When he has the children every weekend he takes them around his dads house as I live in a bed sit and there is no room at mine.
I used to stay at his dads so I can can spend time with my partner on my day off. Unfortunately his father is very rude and has taken a dislike to me and made it very vocal. I now will not go round the house as I'm not welcome.
I now have no days off with my partner, I only see him when I am very tired in the evening after work. We have not been dating long (under a year) and when he is with me he receives moody texts from the children's mum. I do really try with the children but I get the sense they would prefer it if I where out of the picture,
I feel that he does not have room or space in his life for me at the moment. He keeps telling me it will work out but I don't understand how we can build a relationship in this. I really like structure and I have none.
i tell him my concerns but he doesn't get it, I just feel he lacks space in his life for a relationship.
I do not have children, am I being selfish or is this what comes with dating someone with children? I've never dated anyone with kids befor and I'm just a bit lost about my place in this,
He's not available for a
He's not available for a relationship with you as he has 4 or 5 other people he listens to. Shame on him for not correcting them on how important you are to him. Maybe you really aren't after all. Actions speak louder than words and his don't line up. It will work out are famous LAST words. Make those his last to you unless he has a plan to make room for you and makes it happen.
Back off and find better things to do. See if he changes his schedule for you. See if he can put down that phone while with you. If he refuses to make those simple changes, you have your answer.
Welcome to the site!
You are not being selfish at all, just realistic. If you are feeling this way, in what should be the honeymoon phase of your relationship with your boyfriend, what are you going to feel like a year or two down the road? You are dead right he lacks space in his life for you - and unless he makes some, this relationship doesn't look like it has a future. He says it will "work out" - what is he actively doing to try to make this happen? At present, less than nothing - he is not listening to your concerns, and is not insisting his family treat you with respect. I'd throw this one back.
This guy is in no place to be
This guy is in no place to be dating. I don't blame his father one bit for not wanting to be saddled with yet one more person in his home every weekend. Shame on your BF for doing that to his dad. How would you feel if 5 people descended on your home every weekend?
Of course the kids don't care for you either.. their mother likely is feeding them some of that.. also.. they are used to having dad to themselves.. and it seems like he has precious little time anyway..
This guy does not have the bandwidth to date anyone. You don't have long invested in the relationship.. I would back out gracefully while you can.
The problems here don't 100% tie to him having teen kids either.
1. He doesn't have a home suitable for his family.. much less one more person (you). He isn't financially stable enough to provide for his own kids in other words
2. He has poor boundaries with his ex to tolerate constant interruptions and engage in back and forth with her.
3. He blows off your concerns.
4. He doesn't insist that his family treat you with respect.. (kids or dad).
He just wants to pigeon hole you into the cracks of his life where he wants you.. which aren't large.
He doesn't have time or resources to date anyone. He needs to get his life in order first.