My niece is an SD, she's 36 and very independent.
We aren't actually related by blood, it's long and complicated but I've been in her life since she was 2.
I love her like a daughter and treat her like one. I have overstepped lots of boundaries with her parents but in the end it's all worked out. We are very close, closer than she is with her Mom in fact.

Some background.
The man she grew up with and called Dad is not her BD. She didn't know her BD at all while growing up, they were a country apart. About 10 years ago she connected with her BD and they formed a relationship. He never had any more children. She tries to visit him and his family every second year or so.

Her stepdad and her Mom divorced about 20 years ago but she remained close with him. They would meet for dates, lunch or dinner, she'd keep him updated on what was happening in her life. She still thinks of him as her Dad. He's the one who raised her.
She had a 1/2 brother but he's passed away.

So stepdad remarries and his new wife wants NOTHING to do with her. She's not too keen on his son but accepts that it is his bio and lets him come over for visits. She has stated on many occasions to both my niece and others, including me, that her husband isn't the father and niece needs to stop thinking of him as one.

When her brother died, it brought everyone closer. For a moment or two in time.

Now that there is no BS, stepdads wife doesn't think he should ever call niece or have contact with her. She can't understand why he would want to see her or her son. To her they are not his family.

Now my niece isn't the best SD, she's been a pain in the ass, she's said and done some incredibly stupid things. Most of the boundaries I've overstepped with her have been to parent her when her parents were so involved with their own crazy lives that they let her do whatever the h*ll she wanted.
She was spoiled, entitled, resentful, hurtful, angry and vocal.
She was also a kid who had two parents who would rather fight with each other than look after the best welfare of the kids.
At 16 she came and lived with me for a year.

She has also grown up. A lot. She's got a career, she supports herself and her child, she's a loving caring person.
She's not the same brat she was from 16 to 20something. Becoming a parent herself help a lot in that department.
She's only asked him for money once, it was to pay her rent and she repaid him the next day. She was a day late and $600 short. She didn't have overdraft and would have had an NFS for the one day between rent being taken and her pay being deposited. I would have lent it to her but I was out of town.

The problem
Yesterday she was here and called her stepdad to ask about something. He told her that he and his wife were going to be in our town on Sat. They were coming to get some supplies and to visit with family. They live about 2 hours away.
She's a hairdresser and works every Saturday, she has for the past 11 years.

He said they'll be with his wife's kids and grandkids in the evening, could they maybe do lunch? She is fully booked and won't even be taking a lunch.
I told her to ask how early they'd be here, maybe they could meet for breakfast?
Nope, they aren't getting here till after 10am.

She was so hurt. She knows she's never had a great relationship with his wife but she's been cordial and polite. She's even apologized for her behaviour as a teen. She never lived with them and rarely visited.
She has always tried to maintain a relationship with him.

Had he given her more than 3 days notice she might have been able to not book a client over lunch or she could have tried to finish her day earlier.
He's not allowed to leave his wife's family to visit with her. Wife was in the background saying "don't think you can dump me and my family to go visit with her!"

Now I know that it is HIS responsibility to maintain a relationship with my niece, his SD, but when his wife is so vocal about him not being her father and going out of her way to make it difficult for them to have a relationship.
Well, it's hard for to me to watch.

Mama bear in me wants to smack some sense into him and make him realize what he's missing out on. He lost his only bio child but he has one here who wants desperately to be part of his life. Even a very small part.

I also wish she could see how hurtful she's being. I wish she'd let it go that they aren't bios and allow them some time together.