Now what? And how old is old enough to clean up after themselves?
My BF son has moved in with us. I now work from home. So he is 14 and literally all he does is play video games and scream while playing for some reason. My office is right beside and I have to ask to keep it down. Thing is he has decided to let him do online school, so he will continue to be home all day with me. I have asked for him to have him do a few things, literally take the trash out every day, wash his dishes through the day and clean up after himself in the kitchen, and clean his bathroom once a week. Apparently I am expecting too much. BF doesn't understand that this is all stressful for me. I don't have kids and we had an almost perfect relationship before this, but now there's little arguments all the time and I'm getting resentful. I already have to split my time with BF, hear about BM's antics, and deal with the changes in my home and day to day life. He doesn't understand how everything seems to revolve around SS now and it sucks. I was very happy the way it was. I want to get back to the relationship we had, and I feel I can't discuss it without him getting defensive and thinking in pulling a "me or the kids" act, which I'm not. I just wish he could see that this has changed my life and routine and is affecting our relationship ( including sex life) but he doesn't see it. So I just end up feeling resentful and put out and less at home in my own home. Therefore I become the asshole when I haven't changed anything. I just don't know what to do and how to cope
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If you took work out of the house what would happen
Would SS still be doing online ? Let his dads know his kid is too loud and your job performance is down. That you'll be renting a work space as to not lose your job. And no you can't wait to see if SS shuts up and maybe get fired.
would he still be left home alone to do school ? He's old enough to be vaxxed or what not so off he should go. Socializing is very important and you have no time to babysit to make sure SS is doing school work.
Good luck. Not sure how long you've been with bf , but you will have many more problems to come if your bf seemingly refuses to parent. I'd get my own place if I were you.
She shouldn’t need to rent a workspace because bf can’t
Raise his son to be respectful of others.
Oh no she shouldn’t have to but if she
Wants to be in this relationship she'll have to take a major stand. As in I won't be at home take care of your own kid.
So what should she do ? Ask calmly for the father to take care of his own child and hope for the best ? I'm pretty sure she's done that or she wouldn't be on here.
It's just arguments and mental strain and hate towards the step mom; because lazy dad doesn't want to do the work of parenting.
When I said get your own place at the end, I meant like own home. These scenarios don't ever seem to end up working out all that great. Feeling highly pessimistic tonight I guess.
It's worth a shot to talk it out I guess. Try to get your point across and see if your husband makes real changes. Good luck OP, I hope he does.
Oh and he does see you’re affected
He's just choosing to do squat about it. Raise a fuss if it's worth it to you to try. But just know it might not and bf is a crappy parent who chooses to keep his son happy over you. So he has made a choice. Is it one that you can live with ? Assumingly not as you're here venting. Step life is difficult in the best of situations.
I have always worried about
I have always worried about this happening to me. I know if SD14 moved in with us our relationship would suffer.
14 is plenty old enough to clean up after himself. Going from seeing a kid once in a while to having them every day is huge. Your BF is letting all the house chores fall on you. Your life has changed a lot since SS moved in but has it changed for your BF? Other than not getting laid? You doing all the house chores insulates him from any change. Would he even consider having SS live with you if he didn't have you to pick up the slack?
You need to have a talk that they BOTH need to step up and help out. Him moving in changed things for them for the better but worse for you. Your BF needs to see and understand this. You are not his maid and nanny, he is the parent so he needs to act like one, not let it all fall to you.
Who does the home belong to?
Who does the home belong to? Were you even consulted about the kid moving in? Where is his mother in all this?
And is his father also
And is his father also working remotely? I dont' think it's fair to saddle OP with the oversight of this kid and trying to make sure he is keeping up with his classes. when she has to work herself.. and it's not her kid to make that happen.
You can't work and supervise a child
It just isn't possible.
Tell your SO that the child has to attend in person school and that you are not a baby sitter. Do not back down on this point.
Then disengage. If the child makes a mess, your SO has to deal with it. If the child doesn't do chores, then SO picks up the slack. Child has a request, you respond "Ask your father"
I agree with this. Your work
I agree with this. Your work is going to suffer for this. Do not let this continue. If your bf decided that his kid would do remote schooling, then he can damn well do it from your bf's place of work, not yours. He can't? Oh what a shame! Tuff, this kid is his responsibility and not yours - if he can't work with him beside him why should you be expected to? Because your work is less important than his? Seriously? Because that's what's implied ... Because his kid is no problem? Maybe not for him but he is for you.
If he won't take his kid with him then the kid goes back to in-person schooling.