Stepson Showed Up Uninvited to Christmas
Forums:
This is purely a venting post so please excuse my emotions. My 28 year old stepson refused to answer my messages about coming to Christmas dinner and then walked into our home this afternoon like he belonged. There was no place setting for him and he showed absolutely no remorse for his disrespect. I hate to say this but I HATE him. I am disgusted by his face and my skin crawls when I hear him speak. Please someone tell me that I'm not alone in my feelings. Please.
You are not alone
There are a lot of us in your position. Ok maybe hate is a bit much for me but a strong, visceral repulsion is better. Just relax and let it go, as it's too late to do anything about it. I would not invite him next year and I would tell my husband why. If he shows up again, uninvited, I would start planning Christmas away, maybe in a vacation spot or overseas. Heck, this year we went away to a farm cabin (so much work for me with cooking, etc) just to avoid my sister in law at my in-laws, who is a flying monkey for his kids and their gross mother. They can shove it for all I care. Best part is my husband knows it.
You are not alone
Oldest Stepson makes my skin crawl as well. I don't hate him; I don't invest that much emotion in him. Did you pull this stepson aside and tell him that he was rude and he better not pull that c*** again? Better yet, did his father put him in his place? Have a plan in case he shows up uninvited to anything in the future. I've had to set boundaries with OSS because he's very self entitled and arrogant. I know the word gets used too much but he really is a narcissist. It's over, nothing to do now but make a plan for future BS. He sounds like the type that will do it again.
Get away for the holidays - I
Get away for the holidays - I just had DH's family and it was a lot of work unappreciated and at one point I said after the 100th demand, "I am NOT the hired help." Older adult SKIDDO didn't come but we had to talk to him yesterday and all I mustered was a "happy holidays." The other part of what i would have liked to say is "hope to not see you soon."
Why was your door unlocked?
Keep it locked, if he has a key, re-key the locks.
Next time, do not let him in. Keep the door chain hooked so when you crack the door to tell him 'Oh, you did not answer us when we asked if you were coming so we do not have food or a place for you. Maybe next year. Buh-bye.' he can stand outside in the cold or wander off. His choice.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
Letting him in then feeding him just re-enforces his crap behavior. If daddy whines about it, tell daddy he can go visit with his spawn as he walks away but he has invited guests to entertain and he needs to be back in no more than 5mins.
Grrrrrr.
SD Same Behavior
You have my sympathy. SD liked to do this every Christmas I had a Christmas Eve dinner. She never would RSVP and show up or not show up until the year I did not set a place for her or a friend if she brought one. She arrived late, dinner was in progress and there was barely room for her and her friend. She got everyday plates and utensils and made it awkward at the table I set formally. She did RSVP after that. I was surprised too. She is obstinate/defiant about invitations and always keeps me guessing--drove me nuts until I let go. i understand how you feel.
You're definitely not alone.
You're definitely not alone. I hated my ex-SS and he also made my skin crawl. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. I completely ignored him. He acted entitled and then was a hateful little pr&ck even after he got his way.
I would not invite him to holiday dinners again. I second Rags' suggestion of how to handle his unannounced visits for dinner. Or, I also like the suggestion of spending Christmas on a getaway somewhere.