MSD29 aka the convicted fraud crimminal has renewed her car registration and the sticker is coming tomy address....
....where she does not live. She has moved to another state. She seems to think she can keep using my address. I suspected she had not changed her address on her drivers lic or auto registration when I kicked her out last April. So now I know for sure she did not.
She sent a text asking DH to forward the sticker to her when it comes. (he doesn't hear from her unless she wants something). She said she had to renew it but will transfer itto the new state. I highly doubt that she will. WTF. She knows I RTS any mail that comes here for her. DH is not home during the day to get the mail.
I googled it and it is illegal to not report your correct address. There is a time period after moving to take care of changing it. She did not bother to change it when she lived in this state. I don't believe she will transfer it. I do not want the liability of anything coming back on DH and Me. Btw- her conviction was for Insurance fraud and identity theft.
I do not have her new address at this time.
It will start another round of crap with DH when I send the registration sticker back to the DMV.
This is the car that DH paid for that she is supposed to pay back. No sign of that happening yet after ten months.
I have the vehicle title here. It is in her name but came to our address because the car was bought when she was staying here for five weeks. She may need it to register the car in the new state. DH did not make her sign a promisary note for the money for used car or the rest of what he spent on her after bailing her out of jail. So I have no doubt that she will blow us off on paying it back. I had planned to keep the title until it was paid back. Likely she will just get a duplicate if needed. DH doesn't ask her when she plans to pay it back. Yet just last night he says to me again, we need to start saving money. I didn't say it again....but usually when he asks me why we didn't save any money last year I remind him about the thousands he spent on her. If something happens to DH there is no paperwork on the money she owes us. I guess I should just count it as gone now.
I just want to never hear of this girl again. Hard to do when she continues to use my address.
I will Return to sender the vehicle sticker when it comes in the mail. I will not allow the fraudulent use of my address or be a part of it in any way. Give an inch and they take a mile. She knows the line is drawn here. Not my fault she keeps trying to cross it.
Should I email or text her afterwards and tell her directly to stop using this address? Or should I try to get her mailing address and send her a certified letter or a letter from a lawyer telling her to cease and desist using this address for any thing? I could send one to her last known address and perhaps the forwarding order is still valid if she put one in with the post office. But I don't think they forward certified letters. And she doesn't pick them up anyway.
DH still has his head firmly stuck in the sand and can't utter the word no when it comes to any of his precious darlings.
So as my life is tied to his, I will do what I see fit to protect our home and identity. This stupid con artist MSD could jeporadize our home and security without a bit of care.
If DH tries to give me grief about this I may have to flip out on him. He knows my position on the mail issue. It is not my fault he cannot convey that to MSD. I know it is not his fault she continues to do as she pleases. But it is his fault when he knows how it makes his wife feel and he continues to stand with his head in the sand and refuses to utter the word 'no' to MSD.
Oh well...two steps forward and one step back.
I am fighting for my marriage. DH is a good man...just too soft a heart when it comes to THEM. Not ready to throw him back yet. Frankly I think he is happy not to hear from the bit$&! Very often.
Disengaging is helping. I plan to never see his daughters again....why bother....it has been ten months with no apologies. Why would I want to be around them ever again? I don't have too....so I won't.
Counseling is helping. Staying busy on my own interests is helping. Classes start next week again.
Ok...done. Should have slept in this morning but this was on my mind. Some may say it is his daughter, let him deal with it unless it directly affects me. I say it does directly affect me every time I see a piece of mail for her in my mailbox. Boils my blood. And who knows what will happen if she crashes her car and kills someone. It would come back to this address and be a mess to clear up. ( I googled that scenario ).
She is a bad driver, doesn't wear her glasses, has admitted she has driven drunk before. So until DH finds his balls I will keep holding the line that I drew in the sand.
Thanks for listening....
Well, if she wanted to
Well, if she wanted to sticker mailed to her, then DH must have her sddress around somewhere. Put a change of address inad the BMV for her. Tell them to send her sticker there. If you can.
Keep holding .the line.
I agree, send it back and
I agree, send it back and don't say another word about it. She obviously thinks she can do what she wants. So don't let her.
Yes I am still way to
Yes I am still way to involved StepAside.
It keeps coming to my door and I keep taking the bait.
Yes I am. Trying to control a situation I have no control over.
And until my eyebrows grow back...I think that is how it is going to be.
(My counselor believes the eyebrow pulling is due to the lack of control I feel in my life
Since all that happened with the skids).
DH did not ask me to hold her mail for him to send to her. He knows I will not do it.
I saw the text she sent him. I was not snooping. His phone was lying on the table when I was cleaning up after dinner
And it was open on the text from her. Large display...bright colors...hard to miss. He left it open when he walked away.
Her title came to our house because she registered her car here when it was bought. Because DH took her to get her DL with our address on it even though she was supposed to be moving out shortly. She never changed her address with the DMV in the 9 months she lived in the apartment. You have 15 days to notify of a new address. She used our address to receive benefits for this county that she was not entitled to. That stopped when I returned that piece of mail and they found out she did not live here.
Anyway...pretty sure she knows her car title is here. I doubt it is illegal for it to be here. She likely thinks DH is keeping it safe for her until she needs it. I held onto it so she couldn't just resell the car or trade it in or whatever without us knowing.
I have asked DH several times about if she is to pay back the money. He says she knows she has to. He was giving her some time on it because she had all kinds of fines and money to pay back from her conviction and some other things. Frauding her previous employer out of wages when she was supposed to be working but didn't, just submitted false work records. Forging checks in her estranged husbands name. Etc. thousands of dollars of restitution to make or charges would be filed.
Supposedly she got a fresh start now In the new state she moved to. Yet she still is not reporting her new address and changing her car registration. You can transfer that directly when you apply in the new state, you do not have to renew in the original state and wait for the sticker and then change it. She is just lying to DH to say she will change it so he will send the sticker.
Yeah I am way too involved. But please don't tell me I am breaking the law by holding her title, she knows it is here. And RTS ing her mail is the only option. Destroying it would be against the law.
As I said DH has his head in the sand. So I will handle as I see fit.
Sadly, I am at the place of not caring about what he thinks of it.
We had a good weekend, I get to thinking hey maybe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then...wham...something always happens to snuff it out.
So yes I know the money is gone. Knowing doesn't make it any easier to accept.
Having lost that feeling of trust in my DH, and the feeling of security in my own home, and the naive thought that
He would have my back no matter what....well that is the real loss.
My title is sitting in my
My title is sitting in my sister's house with some records that I left there when my home was gutted in a remodel.
She had NOT stolen my title. Now if she refused to give it to me it would be a problem but as she is a normal person that's not a problem.
Yes DH knows the title is
Yes DH knows the title is here.
Yes the money is gone.
MSD does what she wants when she wants.
She knows her title is here. She has not asked for it.
Do you know why. Because she moved out of state and has renewed her registration for this state and doesn't need the title at the moment.
Because she is still committing her fraud of not reporting her correct address to the DMV. If she had then the registration would be being mailed to the apartment she moved out of. That is the address she was supposed to report ten months ago. Not my address.
I feel for you, Lost. I am
I feel for you, Lost. I am disengaged too-well, I was never engaged. I have 3 young adult skids who were in their teens when I met DH. They have always been nasty, and I am not dealing with them.
No matter how much you disengage, it will affect you. It is harder for you because your DH still has his head in the sand. My DH is much more aware, but he is waiting for the "kids" to change. That is probably never going to happen. However, he is not enabling, and I hope he can keep holding on. They are relentless.
Return the mail. Then tell DH you did it. I usually do NOT advocate this way of thinking, but this is affecting you, and your SD needs to learn she cannot break the law and continue to do what she wants. If your DH does not want to set rules, you can. This is your home, too.
My DH's daughter has never lived with us. She wanted to use our address for her car, too. Um...NO. My DH does tell his kids no, but they appear to not hear that word. It NEVER ends. Constant requests for money and things. Now, they want to move in.
Stay strong. I wish you well. I am sorry you are dealing with this nonsense. Your SD sounds like a real piece of work. Mine is a real gem, too, but I don't know which of the 3 is worse.
Thank you dontcallmestepmom.
Thank you dontcallmestepmom. I so appreciate the support.
yes it does still affect me. And DH too.
We had a nice weekend for a change. We went bowling and to dinner with a couple that we are starting to hang out with. It is a coworker of his. Then on Sunday a friend of mine came over for dinner with her husband and two young children. We had an enjoyable evening. DH went shopping with me and then helped by making desert and vacuuming the house. Usually he is so busy with work all the time even at home.
So he enjoyed the weekend too. Then the text comes from MSD demanding that he send her the car registration when it comes in the mail. Not even asking if it is ok, just saying she did the renewal already and it would be sent here. So that explains why his mood got testy a bit before he went to bed. He knows I will send the mail back. So he is again put in a position of confrontation. Either ask me to not send it back, which he knows I won't do. Or ignore her text, say he didn't see it, or blame it on me when it is sent back. He will not outright tell her no you shouldn't have had it sent here.
She is a real piece. Entitled attitude with the emotional blackmail poor pithy me card up her sleeve.
She barged in here last spring with a truckload of crap and a cat that she expected would have the run of our little house that we already have two cats and a dog living in.
She was here five weeks with her attitude and shunning of me in my own home. Mini kitchen set up in the garage so she didn't have to use our kitchen. Stinking frozen dinner smell all hours right under our bedroom end of the house.
She left a tray of mashed potatoes sitting out till it was rotten, along with some other freezer meal left in a bag that rotted. My dog was going nuts trying to find the smell.
Even the day she was to move into an apartment that we paid two months rent on, she was trying to bail on going to sign the lease and move out. Claimed her bf broke up with her and she didn't want to live. She had gone to a hotel with him the night before moving out day and took her cat with her. She was planning to pull a stunt and didn't want her cat here. She knew I would take it to the shelter. It was never supposed to be here in the first place. She left a tray of the cat litter here that night. She was supposed to have her stuff boxed up and ready to move. I really don't understand how she thought she would be allowed to stay here. I bagged her shit up and when she did not show up for moving I started putting it out on the driveway. After her poor me text to DH I sent her a text and told her to get her ass over to get her stuff and go sign the lease cause the rent paid offer was only on the table for that day. She showed up with the bf(the one that just broke up with her and made. Her want to die scam). They took a few things in their car, DH took a load. Then after she signed the. Lease she went off for the rest off the weekend with her bf. some breakup! So DH and I took the last load. I only went so i could make sure DH dropped it off and left. I had told him to leave it on the drive till she came back for it. If I hadn't gone with him he would have been there arranging her piles of shit and cleaning the kitchen.
Since I went along for the ride I made sure to deliver the tray of cat litter complete with the poop that she had left in my house. Along with the tray of stinking rotton freezer meal she had left sitting in my house for weeks. I wonder how long it took the slob to find it. Yes maybe that was petty and mean of me. I'll take it up with my maker when I see him.
Anyway.
Whatever you do DO Not let them move in! Not at all. Not temporary. Just no!
The three adult SD's never accepted me. As yours were to you. It is not your doing. It is on them. Why would you let people who are nasty to you in your home? My marriage that I once thought was a fairy tale is now a struggle to me because of the damage cause when MSD was here and DH did not stand up to her antics. He lost my trust. He threw me under the bus.
So yeah...even something so simple as a piece of mail brings the trauma back to my mind and I waste another half a day of my life on it.
Time to move on. Vent done.
Have to go check the mailbox. Oh wait. Postal holiday. Tomorrow maybe.
Don't let them move in!
Sounds like you have three
Sounds like you have three things you could do.
1)get rid of tags by putting them in the trash and acting like you never saw them.
2)give it to DH to do with as he
SD is trying to get around registering in the new stated because there are alot of taxes that had to be paid. I'm sure she doesn't have the money and is trying to get around doing that.
If your DH is anything like mine hes to lazy to mail it to her without your help. So he will probably lose it before he can get it mail. Let it be on him.
Exactly what I am talking
Exactly what I am talking about.
Thank you Cheri.
As for the car title. MSD knows it is here. She has not asked for it.
She can easily get a duplicate.
So stop ragging on me about that please StepAside.
Wow...normally I appreciate your imput and advice but not so much today. You made your point already. If you just want to beat me on the head some more please don't.
As for all the people driving around in other states with the wrong tags...yeah...I care. Will they all get caught? Not likely?
Will it affect me? Maybe...in the dollars they are cheating from the roads and services they are using but not paying for.
MSD using my address for anything concerns me. She committed her crime of identity theft against her own mom.
This is my castle too and I will defend it.
Even if DH keeps his head in the sand.
It is the principle of the thing.
Gee wiz. Doesn't anyone have principles anymore?
And no...don't bring up the car title again. I did not steal it. I walked it into the house from the mailbox.
I will not avoid my own
I will not avoid my own mailbox because of the illegal actions of MSD.
DH did not give her permission to send anything here. He knows I will sent it back. I have not promised to love, honor and assist your con artist daughter in crimminal actions. Lol.
He did not ask me to give her mail to him for the car registration. If he expects me too then he can expect till the cows come home, likei expected him to have my back.
He asked me before when then issue came up and I told him flat out I would not. He knows it upsets me.
I don't think he has chosen to be her patsy. He avoids confrontation. He sticks his head in the sand.
YSD asked him a few weeks ago to photo edit an image for her sons birthday invitation. It was one she got online and doesn't want to pay the $25 to legally use the image. Copyrighted Mickey Mouse at that.
DH started working on it and I saw what it was and suggested he tell her no. I am an artist and would not want my work stolen.
He says oh I didn't see that is what it was. Bullcrap. He just didn't want to say no. Anyway. He has avoided doing it. She keeps pestering him for it.
I told him that day" maybe my new husband won't mind if I visit you (DH ) in jail after Disney locks you up for copyright infringement.".
My DH is normally a person of integrity and truthfulness. He has to be in his position at work. But when it comes to these daughters of his he is blind. He makes an excuse....like for MSD....it must be something that happened to her since she was out in the world. Bad influence of boyfriends or whatever. Ok...maybe once or twice on something. After that it is a choice to do wrong.
So just accept it DH. Your daughters are persons of bad character.
Period.
Don't let them drag you down with them!
Wow. You are really on my
Wow. You are really on my case today. Who made you the steptalk police?
Really SA....I came to post/vent on this site today with a concern.
You jumped on me and continued to do so after I asked that you please refrain.
I am not addicted to drama. i had a major incident involving the skids that has fractured the whole fabric of what DH and I hoped for our adult blended family.
I found this site which helped me cope with the stress.
I used to find your advice and articles to be very helpful.
I do not understand why you are being so offensive today.
I do not expect to come here and be told what I want to hear. But your comments and judgement have been over the top.
So thank you...now I do not feel safe to even post here.
Thank you for your concern
Thank you for your concern Cheri. I am seeing a counselor. I have an appt this week.
I have been pulling out the eyebrow hairs, for over a year almost. A little at first. Till they are gone. They are slow to grow back.
The control thing is counselors theory.
Otherwise I am a strong willed person. I spoke up to the SD when she came here and started her crap in my presence. So she shunned me and told everyone I was being mean or something. Guess she had never heard the word no before.
Before the jail thing DH really didn't hear from her much. Even now it is only when she wants something. She only texts him. She is punishing him (in her mind) by not seeing him even for Christmas. Until he leaves me.
She is not going to get what she wants here.
While each thing she tries does bother me, with time and distance each thing bothers me less and strengthens my resolve.
I will be in counseling till my eyebrows grow back. DH can pay for it. He can go with me if he gets the nerve. Otherwise I will go on my own and learn healthy ways to deal with stress.
Leaving is not always the answer. It is my first instinct. Fight or flight response. Jumping out of the frying pan into the fire is not the only option.
MSD has burned her bridge with me. YSD did too. OSD is not allowed here at present either because until my freaking eyebrows grow back I don't want to deal with any of them and their dislike of me. I don't like them either at the moment.
Don't worry. I will be ok. It may take some time but that is ok.
Look - just send all of her
Look - just send all of her mail back. Your husband knows you are doing this. He did not ask you to set aside the renewal.
If she is illegally registered and illegally insured she could really be in trouble if she causes an accident.
I have lived in multiple states. The insurance on the same car can be almost triple in some places. And there's a reason for that. If someone insures in the wrong state to get cheaper rates the insurance company does not have to honor the policy as there has been fraud - something your SD is very familiar with.
Why not just get a little
Why not just get a little basket where all of her mail goes? If DH wants to send it to her, he can do so freely. My 24 y/o son gets his mail at my house and I just separate it and leave it for him. He comes by once a week or two and picks it up. Forget about the car. He bought it for her. That was his choice. Stop stressing out over things that don't deserve being stressed out over. Just be happy she doesn't live in your house! SEE! That's the bright side!
Ugh! What a horrible
Ugh! What a horrible situation.
If I were in your shoes, I would consult an attorney about your exposure and/or liability regarding your SD's criminal background and her mail, car tabs, etc., coming to your home. Is her car insurance policy also coming to your home? Or, does she not carry car insurance?
Anyway, that's what I would do. I'd legally find out what my exposure was and take it from there.
I would go even a step
I would go even a step further. I went to the post office about BM's mail coming to our home. I told them that person did not live there and I did not want it coming to my house anymore. The postmaster said that he would take care of it and if it ever happened again feel free to trash the mail. But I have never received anything else. I filled out a form that she did not live there.
We have a basket in the
We have a basket in the pantry for kid mail. All kids and skids know its there. Those who care to visit, pick up their mail when they're here. If they get important mail like w2s, financial aid stuff, car tags, etc, and choose not to visit in two years.... That's Not our problem. They're all adults and know how to change their addresses. I'm certain no law is being broken by not delivering their mail to them. I'm also certain the first expired tags ticket they ever get will make them change their address.
If sd doesn't speak to you, and you know dh is never going to check the kid mail basket, I think that's where the new tags should sit til the next time she visits.
Not you job to redirect wrongly addressed mail.
I like my basket solution
I like my basket solution because I can see what they're getting. W2s, bank statements, overdraft notices, renewal notices. Then i can make up drama in my own little mind of what they'll have to go through to fix whatever not having their mail does to them. We get so little pleasure out of being SMS... I invented some for myself. Don't judge me!
Thanks to everyone for the
Thanks to everyone for the advice.
The mail basket would not work here because...they do not live here. They are presently banned from visiting here. They never really visited here before being banned, except once a year at Christmas to collect gifts.
Wow this is hard...your advice to not make it about MSD if DH asked me to save the mail...was good advice. I had planned to stick to that if he asked. Yet last night when he did...I kinda lost it on him. Guess the trauma is still too fresh for me and asking me to do anything for her benefit is too much.
He always wants to minimize my feelings about what happened. He says that happened in the past, why is it still affecting me?
I said to him " how about starting now, I shun him for five weeks in his own home, for no good reason of anything he did, and treat him like he is invisible and has no say in his own home and life?". Then after that time he can tell me how it feels and how easy it will be for him to let it go and forget it. Only I can't get a break from the crap with his daughters because it is always something every other day or week or month.
He has been pretty good about not talking about them as I asked him to do. But even though he knew this mail thing would cause me stress and an arguement with him, he took the option of doing that instead of telling her no don't have anything sent here.
I explained it to him that all she had to do was transfer her registration, months ago and we would not be having this fight. That it was her responsibility but now he will blame me if it gets RTS.
I think he finally got my point. He did apologize before he went to bed.
I just feel cold and alone and without hope that I can regain the relationship I once had with him.
I hate that when we have a discussion about his kids that he always throws in my face that 'he has to listen when I talk to my GD (in his hearing on the phone, or mention something she does)....and he can't talk to me about his kids or gkids". I said then I won't talk about her...and then we have nothing anymore to talk to each other about. It is not my doing that his daughters never accepted me and decided to do the things they did last year against me. I do not want to hear about them. He can talk to his parents if he wants to brag that the crimminal is getting her life back on track. I don't care about any of them. They don't care about me.
He has no real relationship with his kids or grand kids, his ex made sure that they only see him as a person to use when they want something. They never asked about his life, even before the crap last year. They still don't. He only hears from them when they want something.
He can have that on his own. I want no part of it.
Ps. I gave him the MSD car title so he can mail it to her and she can get her tags transferred.
So that is done. He still thinks she will pay him back for the car. Whatever. I don't care. It is not what is was all about.
I was surprised by my reaction actually. If he hadn't left me alone...I am sure I would have gotten hysterical. Not me at all.
Counseling tomorrow.
I gave DH the title to SD's
I gave DH the title to SD's car about two weeks ago. It still sits on his desk. According to the website for the DMV of the state she moved to the title is needed to transfer the tags to that state. The registration renewal for this state never came here, she used the address of the apartment she moved out of and the mail was still being forwarded from there. DH did text her that she had to change states. But she has not asked for the title and I don't think DH even has her addresses. Anyway, all the arguing was for nothing. She did what she wanted and lied to DH about changing her car over. He bought her story again. That is why I don't want him to tell me things about her unless I ask ( and I don't) even good news because everything in the past was a lie, and still may be. Someone else wrote a thread about this same thing. I could have written it word for word. Don't have the link, it was a couple weeks ago I read it.
As per her normal pattern he hasn't heard from her since then. Until the next time she wants something from him.
I feel sorry for him. But they are his monsters, not mine.