I'm sorry, I got to the point where your DF mentioned that you don't "like" anything on his son's Facebook anymore, and I had to stop. Um, why should you "like" anything he posts? Is the number of times you "like" something some sort of indicator to DF? I don't get it.

My DH is a stickler for not interrupting other people, and he sure as heck doesn't like it being done to him. It's not about hating anyone for crying out loud. Is your DH always this defensive of his adult son?

And, uh, yeah, what's your DH's deal with the FB thing? My DH knows his kids are blocked from my and DD's FB, and the world keeps turning. Your DH needs to get over himself on that issue. It's ridiculous to even say anything to you about it. So silly.

In my opinion, it is rude to cut off or interrupt a conversation with another person unless it is an urgent situation. Even then, it is good manners to excuse yourself before taking the other call. Does your DH cut SS off when you call in the middle of their conversations? If not, your DH is expecting you to live by a double standard which is unfair. But many of us have been there, and that's part of the reason we are here. Many of us, including me, are led to believe it is us - our imaginations or we are over-reacting. We aren't. If anyone else treated your DH with such disrespect he would not like it too much.

If SS is not a full time college student, DH needs to let the leash out a bit. As you wrote on in another post, your father allowed you to grow up into a functional adult. Your DH is not doing this for SS, and he is doing him no favors. This is definitely the time instead of when SS is in his 30's or later.

Assuming your DF KNEW the conversation he was having with you was important and not idle chit chat, what he did was rude. Just because a phone rings, doesn't mean it needs to be answered. This is one of my DH's bad habits, too, and what you describe with your DF has happened to me.

In my case, I was telling DH that a biopsy came back as possibly cancer and I needed to go in for more tests. Imagine how I was feeling. Yet, in the middle of that very important and intimate conversation, SD calls and DH leaves me crying in the kitchen while he's laughing with her at her recent antics. It was devastating to me. It told me that ANY conversation with her was more important than ANY conversation with me.

I hope your conversation with your DF wasn't anything like that. But, no matter, ditching you for a phone call was rude. When he did that you felt less important than the phone call, that the important issue you were discussing really wasn't important to him at all, like you didn't really have his attention, right? And that is not how a loving partner acts.

At the very least, your DF needs to ask, "Do you mind if I take this call?" And if you DO mind, you MUST speak up and he MUST respect that. This works for us now quite well.

Firstly, the fact that you dont *like* ss's facebook posts is an indictor of your dislike is plain ridiculous. How old is DH? As he is coming across like a teen girl on her period...really poor attempt at deflecting a wider and more important issue at hand. DHs rudeness when having a discussion with you (instead of fixing this dysfunctional rudeness he childishly rushes to find examples of your dislike of ss, fab example he came up with...you can insert an eye roll here).

I absolutely find it rude if anyone behaves like that, UNLESS its an actual emergency. I would not expect my partner to treat me disrespectfully, its sending a clear message to you that YOU and your time are unimportant VS his adult son. I say if your DH continues doing this then you start treating him in the same manner, I would imagine if your DH felt the disregard he demonstrates to you then he would be singing a different tune. Its funny how quickly my own DH changed his tune when I began to treat him like he did me -what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Believe me when I say the quickest method of communicating the fact you no longer are going to respectfully ask, discuss this issue with DH and instead will show DH through action how you feel, the quicker HE will change.

As for the lady who posted her DH did this to her when she told him about her cancerous test results :jawdrop: Thats appalling, I am disgusted with your DH and I would be brokenhearted if my partner did this to me. This is not purely a matter of "manners", this is about priorities, compassion and love.

OP you stated that you too were discussing important matters with your own DH, well quite honestly perhaps its time you found an alterative source of support or help, if your DH does not have time to fit you into his scheduled chat with adult ss. Or was ss ringing to say he was experiencing an actual end of the world situation? :O

Quote this to him:

"Being liked on Facebook is the equivalent of sitting at the 'cool' table in the insane asylum".

It is the most meaningless exercise that's been invented in decades. It was great for teenagers which Facebook was invented for but anyone who hasn't outgrown 'liking' by age 30 is stuck in late adolescence. (Don't misunderstand me Facebook is fine for posting pictures and events worth announcing but telling everyone "Look I purchased a pack of gum" is plain stupid adult activity).

Interrupting is rude. It's always been rude. Surely his mother taught him that? The rule hasn't changed just because cell phone were invented. Tell him his son is plain rude if by 20 years of age he hasn't learned that. I'll bet his son doesn't interrupt his boss. If he does he'll be job hunting regularly. Maybe he already is.

Every time he sets you aside in this manner you're being slapped in the face.

No matter who was calling, it was rude and disrespectful of your DF to answer the phone while you were trying to have an important conversation with him. Period.

Facebook. Oh for the love of God and all that is holy, that is the dumbest reason EVER to be upset with anyone. Boo fucking hoo.

What's incredible is, a lot of these men just don't seem to realize that the dislike of their children stem from their own behavior towards their kids, and their willingness to put these kids before their significant other. They are creating an environment that makes it hard to not resent these kids.

Hi there. I don't have any advice in regards to your question but I thought of something that I wanted to share. I would be really careful when you post. If your SO knows you come here and he's not supportive of it, commenting that all we do here is put down other peoples kids (I think that's what you said) I would be very concerned that he might get on the computer, figure out the name of this forum and try and determine what your name is that you post under. He's already monitoring your facebook activity so I wouldn't put it past him to try and find you on here. Just a thought. Take care.

Hey Val's DH,

Stop being a rude chit, if it wasn't an emergency you did not and should not have interrupted the conversation with your wife and what limited free time you have. 10 years old or 20 years old, my DH would NEVER have done that if his kids called with anything less than an emergency. Yes all our kids are sweet special snowflakes. But I AM my husband's beloved and he respects me as such.

I am a man. I am also a husband and Step Dad and have been for nearly 20 years.

IMHO the marriage comes fist and is the priority for both partners. Period! Regardless of the number, age, or biology of any children that may be in the home. Minor children are the primary responsibility but the marriage remains the priority. The Spouse always comes first even when there are minor children in the picture regardless of the biology involved.

With adult children, the spouse always comes first. What the hell is a grown man doing speaking to his adult son every day? An even bigger question, what is a 20yo man doing calling his daddy every day?

When I am away from my DW I speak to her every day. When SS was young I spoke to him every day when I spoke to his mom if I was away from home on a business trip.

I also happen to be very close to my parents. When I lived in the same country as my parents but a different state I would often call them when commuting to or from work. Commute time is a great time to stay in touch with people or to network. (On hands free of course.) However, I do not allow staying in touch with my parents or any other family or friends to take away from my time with my bride.

Though not familiar with the details of your situation, it does strike me that your DF has a priority issue with is DS-20 that seems to take precedence over his relationship with you. I would investigate that closely before promoting DF to DH. If he cannot keep his relationship with you the priority over his adult child then you may want to consider your options.

My bride and I struggle with our own 21yo son. (My SS). The damned kid never answers his phone, never calls us, never emails us, rarely responds, etc… Which as I recall was the same thing my parents bitched about when I was that age and what most parents bitch about regarding their young adult just leaving the nest children.

Like your husband seems to struggle with, I struggle with not answering a ringing phone. I was raised at a time when etiquette was that you answered the phone if you were at home. I have adapted though. With the advent of modern telecommunications ..... a ringing phone? ..... That is what V-mail is for. If it is important, send me a text if I don't answer.