Thankfully, my DH thought that his ex's whole family was a bunch of Rednecks, so all ties were cut with everybody. They didn't have mutual friends either so good there too. She cheated on him, so my current in laws love me I couldn't even imagine dealing with that on top of everything else!!! LOL Thank you, Lord! Looking forward to some crazy posts though

My SO's parents wanted nothing to do with me at first. They were very upset the my SO didn't marry the mother of his child, and wouldn't even consider maintaining a relationship with her. SO couldn't stand is ex since she lied all the time, was and still is a total control freak about SD, tried to get knocked up a second time without SO knowledge, and someone he just didn't get along with in general. SO's father watched me like a hawk, always looking for some mistreatment of SD. SO's mother on the other had was always siding with BM, claiming that a mother had more rights to a child, that we shouldn't get any holidays with SD, and that all in all we should do everything BM said, including allowing her to choose where we live, what type of food to feed SD, etc. I swear she would have planned out when we were allowed to have sex if she could. When we went to court, SO's mother was always talking about how we were going to mess up SD, causing undue stress for her, blah blah blah. SO finally told both of his parents that he had no interest in their opinion on how he handles his custody battle, and that if they didn't support his decision then they could keep their mouths shut, since neither of us wanted to hear it.

After 3 years, his parents have finally seen the light, and things are much better, with more support all around for every one...except BM.

It's not just the in-laws that may not have detached from the BM you have to look out for. In the early days with a toxic BM, it's terribly tempting to share bitch stories about her with the ILs and get support from that. But as the years pass by this can really backfire on you. First they may turn against you in the same way. Secondly, they may hang onto their hate stories for years after you have disengaged from it all, so that you are forced back to discussing horrible memories whenever you meet them. And finally, if you are disengaged from skids, it will be an irritant because they will always want to go on about them as if you are their mother. And finally finally, if you have bios with their son, you will always get the impression that they favor the skids. Probably, as someone said on another thread, because they want to make up for the skids' deprivation as children of divorce... but it is irksome to have one's children treated as second class citizens by ILs.
Personally, I see them as often as etiquette demands and no more than that. They are part of the reason why my DH made his poor choice of his first wife in the first place.

Hi Valmont,

What a name you got there! And a question to match: you are into dangerous liaisons? Some in-laws are precisely that. Mine luckily are really good to me.

DH's sister welcomed me with enthusiasm as by the time i came around it was clear what kind of number BM had done on DH... just like tog's BM, this one tried to recruit her exSIL into her camp - but 7 years after divorce! She even reached out to DH's niece to badmouth him this year. Given that kind of crazy, I can honestly say, I welcome the competition ( i welcome it anyway) but BM has spent 20 years hating DH's family so it was no surprise they were very welcoming towards me.

But in my first marriage, my relationship with my in-laws was even better. My exMIL was a second wife herself, had had a crazy BM to deal with for many years, and made it a point to make everyone who joined the family feel welcome. So she has always been on terrific terms with all three wives of my exH, her son ( i was the second) and she is a great role model.

When i knew her she was in her late 60s, and both her SD's BM, her SD, and her first DIL were all frequent guests in her house. Everyone got along. I really admire that Live and Let Live approach and tried to recreate it vis-a-vis my current skids' BM... who is too far gone into the NPD/BPD territory to be amenable. However, in my first marriage i worked on building a good relationship with BM and was successful. As well as with my then DH's sister and step-sister.

Normal, non-PD, people rule!

My in-law situation is kind of split - mind you DH comes from a divorced family.

MIL and I are super good friends. We talk several times a week, and actually have a plan to talk probably tomorrow or Wednesday when she doesn't BIL10 (She has 50/50 week on week off and alternating Wednesdays - and BIL10 and I get along perfect but they live 30 mins away so we try not talk as much when she gets her time with him - unless DH is home and then BIL10 and SS are attached at the hip and we spend tons of time with MIL). DH will pay for MIL and I go to have girls dinner and movie nights, etc. I borrow her clothes she borrows mine, she confides in me in her relationship infomation (The good, the bad - everything from me knowing the night before she was going to dump her ex to her complaining the new guy wasn't putting out). Mind you DH and I lived with MIL towards the beginning of our relationship as he was getting on his feet, and she was as well as they got divorces within 6 months of each other - so my relationship with MIL started out as more of a roommate than a mother-n-law. I love her dearly and think depending on the reason DH and I ever split I would still be close to her just as we truly confide in each other and are super good friends.

FIL is seems to like me. He has defended my position several times. He has even offered to put his name on the line to help me get a job since my layoff - not something I would ever do but a wonderful sweet gesture. I just feel like we have a codial happy relationship.

SMIL and SIL are sketchy. They go back and forth between being nice to DH and myself to playing victim cards. More against me then DH but they will conspire with BM to come up with how I have ruined the "family", I am evil for making SS respect me, etc. SIL is worse than SMIL but when SMIL lied about going to SS's birthday party last time DH was home and then looked like a puppy had just been kicked when it got brought up I feel she is more on the victim side. I also think SMIL has a issue with how close MIL and I are as she feels like MIL was a bad mom and got SIL to steal clothes for her to wear....mind you SMIL has always been at least 2 sizes if not bigger than MIL. For SIL she feels like I have stolen her brother and sometimes her mother as like I said DH and I will pay for us to have girls nights, and even go to get our nails done even if he is not home we hang out. I really don't care though they are nothing but BM loving victims.

We try to limit time with FIL/SMIL and SIL but are very close to MIL and BIL10...and if BIL30 shows up we hang out with him but he has distanced himself from the family as a whole to avoid the drama SIL creates.

I feel like I lucked out with a awesome MIL.

My DH's sister still very much considers BM the SIL...and I am just DH's wife.

DH's sister loves to bring up BM whenever she can, will bring up vacation they've gone on together, will say things to DH's daughters in front of me like "I'll have to have a girls night with all of you girls (DH's daughter's)and BM"

If we're at a gathering that BM is at as well, DH's sister will act like her and BM's are just best of friends, use BM to try to exclude me and make me feel uncomfortable I think :sick:

Generally it back-fires on DH's sister because BM and I get along pretty well. I have no issue having a friendly conversation with BM, and her with me. Just my small way of showing DH's sister that her ploy doesn't work, and that I'd much rather talk with DH's ex-wife than I would with her

I love, love, love my in-laws! They are so good to me, and they don't have the time of day for BM. My DH had had a couple of girlfriends in between BM and me, and his family did not care for them at all. So when I came along, they were already prepared for the worst. Well, me and DH's dad hit it off right away. I guess that surprised the whole family, as he had never really taken to BM or any of the other women my DH or his brothers ever brought home. Whenever I get there, he gives me the biggest hug and usually has something to show me. I love his mom the same way, and his siblings, too. They always tell everyone, "rahrah just fell right into our family like she belonged here from the beginning." I often tell people I hit the in-law jackpot.

As a bonus, I don't hear anything about BM ever. They don't like her, and I guess she was never that close to them anyway.