The cat is more important than I am
Ok, my 21 year old step daughter called me a c$&t and said she no longer wanted to be part of our family several months ago. I do miss her, and I imagine my son does too. They were raised together. My husband says that he is done with her. We have a cat that was hers. The cat is sick, maybe dying. I asked my husband if he was going to let her know. He said yes; he felt it was his obligation. Since my step daughter left us, my ovarian cancer recurred, and the chemo I've been having for three months didn't work. I'm starting a new course of different chemo today, but it's not at all clear how it's all going to turn out. So, I ask my husband if he is going to tell her about my illness which is life threatening, probably worse than the cat's. No, he says but can't articulate why. Am I not as important as the cat? Is he trying to protect me from her nastiness? It makes me feel very unimportant.
I would not think she rates
I would not think she rates as qualifying to know.
Or, maybe your DH doesn't want to share something that affects and upsets him so deeply with someone he is currently very guarded against.
I think he's protecting both himself, and you. I hope you can see it that way, and not allow it to make you feel "less than", because you are not. It seems an act of love, to me.
What fur said.
What fur said.
I am with the others, I think
I am with the others, I think he is keeping her and her nastiness away from you.
Forget her and the cat, YOU focus on getting better xoxo.
Thanks! You are all so
Thanks! You are all so insightful. It really touches me that you think my DH is acting out of love. You are right that she probably would use the opportunity to disparage me. I can just hear her saying that she doesn't care. Yet, I find it so hard to let her go. This must be what being divorced is like.
I think he's protecting both
I think he's protecting both of you. He's vulnerable as well and doesn't want to chance SD hurting you or him.
I hope this treatment works well. Hugs.
Echo, I've talked it over
Echo, I've talked it over with DH (as I am getting my chemo). We've decided that you are right. She doesn't care about the cat, her brother or me. She has made no effort with any of us and has been unspeakably cruel to me and to her father. I took care of her from when she was two until I disengaged when she was around 15 or so. Once she turned 18, I had hoped that we could have a normal relationship, but I guess that's not to be. I am so lucky with the people. In my life: DH, my beloved son, my friends, my mother, my coworkers. I have to focus on the love not the bitter hatred from SD. Thank you for the hugs and prayers. We will do what we can for the cat and me.
I think she would be glad if
I think she would be glad if I died. I read all of our stories and see how common this is. Intellectually I understand why she is like she is and how her mother and others helped put that hatred in her heart, but that doesn't mean it is not painful. I work on getting past it. I love yoga, but I'm worried about spreading my malignant cells around. I find my peace in walking every day and reiki treatments. What's chair?
Hi Litay, I agree with all
Hi Litay,
I agree with all the posters here. Just wanted to send you some healing vibes and some positive energy. It definitely IS time to focus on you and ignore negative people.
Be strong!
I think that he is protecting
I think that he is protecting himself and you from his toxic spawn. Who laments the long past due departure of a toxic POS from their lives? It sounds to me that your DH is not engaging with his toxic spawn and rather is informing her of the impending demise of her cat .... there will be no more reason for her to be in your home once the cat is gone. Good riddance to your SD.
Take care of you.