What should SD call me?
I've been a SM for 3 years. My skids are 12(SD) and 13(SS). They live in AZ and the first summer I met them when they came to visit I was marrying their dad in a week. I was nervous. SD asked me (the first day she met met) while playing in the pool if she could pretend I was her mom and call me mom. I said sure. The next day my SS(13) asked me what he was supposed to call me (he was 10 at the time) I told him he could call me by my first name or mom. Ever since he calls me mom no questions about it...we have a great relationship. SD a few days later started calling me by my first name (didn't bother me) and then she would go back and forth saying my name and mom. She then said she felt weird calling me mom because I'm not and she felt weird calling an adult by their first name. I told her I understood and she could call me whatever she felt comfortable with....she then asked if she could call me stepmother. My husband spoke up and said no, it was disrespectful and either my name or mom was her options. It's been 3 years and she still flips back and forth and i can tell she's uncomfortable (this kid doesn't like me because she's really close to her BM who doesn't like me because she feels i'm trying to being the kids mom and not an uninvolved stepparent) Any help or ideas on how I can help my SD more comfortable with a choice she can make?
Well she has no problem
Well she has no problem calling my parents nana and papa like their other grandchild (from my brother) does. I don't think it would be such an issue for her if her mom wasn't so hurt by her daughter having a stepmom. I've read blogs about it and it can't be easy to have a child and then have to share them with another woman.
That's so sweet, I wish I had
That's so sweet, I wish I had children of my own, but I don't so I know how good it can feel when they say "mom or mommy". My SS melts my heart everytime he says it....it works to his advantage though because every time he starts to get in trouble all he has to do is say "i'm sorry mom, I love u" and then he gives me a hug and you can stick a fork in me because I'm done....and usually I'm a no nonsense person : ) I just want my SD to be happy (although I would love to her decide to call me mom)
My first thought was "wow,
My first thought was "wow, that was smack in the face of reality" but ur right, I'm not her actual mother even though I treat her as if she were my own. I just want her to be comfortable, yes it would make me happy to hear mom, but it's not worth her stressing out which is why I always tell her to do what's comfortable for her.