WOW I would have came unglued if any of my kids skids or bio told me no! I don't care what I said they better not tell me no!! I then would have came unglued on their dad if he talked to me like that too!

I'm sorry, but if I tell, text or otherwise communicate to any child in my home to come here, if only to tell them to turn right back around and go back, they had better get moving...no just a sec, no in a minute. I would have torn him a new one AND taken away his "privileges." Then, I would have done the same for dh.

Yep, that can totally be the kicker, whether or not DH backs you. Thankfully skids don't live with us full time (I don't know what I'd do if they did), so I'm sure that's a horse of a different color, but try and be strong, because if you don't you'll lose every single shred of what makes you..well, you.

HOw far up that kid's ass do you think you could stick that cell phone? I'm guessing I could wedge it in there far enough for him to be able to dial it through his nose.

I agree with all of the comments here... I sent my SD a text to come down to get a package that was delivered, and DM asked me to ask SD to get it (as it was for her). SD ignored my text (as she does 99% of the time with me and my children). DM came home and asked "why didn't you give that to SD", I told her "I sent her two texts and she ignored me... again", SD then found out it was something she wanted and was all apologetic... I'm thinking keep your apology...

I'm with all of you, when I call one of my children, step or bio, I expect them front and center and on the spot. I don't expect to have to talk through walls or expect to wait until they get to the next level on their game. If they respond nicely and it's not something of importantance, I can wait until they get to a save point in their game, but otherwise, they wait on me, I don't wait on them. I pay every penny for their existence and it's the least they can do in lieu of room and board. (but perhaps that's the ex military in me)

I'm with dab. If your dh was sitting right there, why didn't HE tell HIS KID to get his crap together? Why isn't it DH's responsibility to make sure that your ss is prepared for his visit with his grandparents? So he puts the responsibility off on you and then he bitches about the way you handle it??? Oh, HELL to the NO! I would have been FURIOUS!

You said that you wish you could be so assertive. Let me tell you sweetie, if you don't GET assertive, your dh and ss are going to make you a flattened, matted doormat in a year's time! When I met my dh I was very much like you. I didn't want to rock the boat to the point that I wouldn't even fight for MYSELF when I was treated like dog crap on the bottom of their shoes. I've been in the situation for 11 years and now, I fight for myself because if I don't, NO ONE ELSE WILL! And you are going to have to learn that.

Now I'm not saying you actually have to FIGHT with dh, but if you talking to him about your ss's disrespect is going to cause a fight, then it's a fight worth fighting because that boy needs his ASS kicked! When I tell my children to come and talk to me, they know they better be moving! Now, they also know that if they are doing something they can say, "Can I finish the dishes?" And I will sometimes say yes and sometimes say no depending on how important what they are doing is. But I am sorry. A video game does not qualify as one of those things I deem important. Your dh is an enabler to your ss. My dh is the same way. Now my ss is 22 and he is a complete and total mooch, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a life outside of partying... he's worthless. Your ss is heading down that same path. Why do I know? Because I was that woman being told that I could have done something differently rather than ss being told to be RESPECTFUL, whether I was wrong or right.

Now, yes... you could have texted your ss and said, "Hey, could you get your clothes out so I can make sure you've got everything you need for grams?" Then, as someone else said, you have proof that you asked. When he doesn't do it (which he won't because he's not being made to respect you), you can show that to dh and tell him to stick THAT in his juice box and suck it! If your dh wants to play hardball, you just have to play hardball back.

Personally, if I knew then what I know now, I would have made DH deal with his own kid. I would have made HIM responsible for making sure ss's things were packed since he was sitting right there. Especially when he bitched at me for not handling things HIS way. If he wants it done HIS way, then HE should be dealing with it. Period.

But first thing's first. Don't be afraid to fight for yourself girl. Like I said, no one else will. The 2 men in your house don't want to hear from you... they just want you to do what they want you to do and keep your mouth shut. Are you actually going to allow them to treat you that way? Be damned if I would. You need to address this with your dh when ss is gone.

Good luck.

Well said Wicked!

You're welcome I find it sad that you or anyone else has to go through this, but from reading from this site it is so very common. I have already told DH that I won't put up with him not backing me and so far, he is in total agreement. BUT, SS7 still lives 1100 miles away, so I wonder if that will change at all when we move back? :? Hopefully not. We do feel the same way about discipline though, so that's a plus.

Well I don't like texting in the same house. To me it is lazy and far easier for kids to text back rude answers than saying it to your face.

But in this case DH wanted the clothes laid out he should do it. See he gets you to deal with his son and when it turns nasty he blames your approach.

So in future say "Sorry, I am busy on this game. Why not ask him yourself?" Code for "Get off your fat arse and talk to your son."

If I want to talk to my daughter I call her. Texting is for other stuff... "I am at Starbucks. How far away r u?"
"At the mall, where r u?"
"I need milk as well"
"Traffic is bad. Running late."

Texting a teen in the same house (unless you live in a castle)gives them the chance to be rude. If you had got up and gone back and told him "Your dad asked me to check to see of you have your clothes ready." He is more likely to say "I will in a minute.." And you go back and say "He said he will in a minute." At which time you wonder "WTH am I? Freaking FedEx message service?"

Instead tell him he better talk to his son in future so there is no misunderstandings ... your code for 'the little shit cannot be rude to me."