I met SD at 6 and now she's 7 and lives with her dad and me. We get along great! Like the PP, she often clings to me and follows me around. She's excited when I come home and gives me a big hug whenever we drop her off. She was actually rather attached to me before we all moved in together. She used to cry after I left her dad's house.

As for the moving in piece, maybe it's too soon to tell.. but things have only gotten better. We feel more in control of her now that we're the ones getting her to and from school, etc. I weirdly enjoy getting her dressed and doing her hair... this is possibly because I'm pregnant and mega-nesting at present.

When we only saw SD on weekends, it felt kinda willy-nilly and unstructured. She would cry for her mom sometimes. Weirdly, now that she spends more time with us and less time with her mom, she hasn't cried for her once.

But she LOVES her routine at our house...

1) Get dressed
3) Breakfast
4) Do hair
5) Brush teeth
6) Walk to bus stop
7) School
After-school program
9) Dad picks her up
10) She takes our dog out
11) I come home
12) Dinner
13) Watch Chopped (weird, I know, but she loves it)
14) She tidies her room
15) We read a story
16) Bed

I think the consistency and structure are comforting to her. Plus her mom babies her so she doesn't get to do stuff like walk the dog or help us with dinner at her house. She really likes to help.

What I'm trying to say is that I DO think younger kids adjust better to S-parents, as long as there's structure. I think you'll find that when you get settled down with your SO, you and your SD might get closer as well.

SD is now 12, raised her since she was 2. I most definitely think the earlier years were the best years.

I met ss when he was 1. Moved in together by 2. Married by 3. He is 15 now. He wishes death upon me. I have absolutely zero relationship with him, my kids who are 15, 14, and 11 have no relationship with him, and dh pretty much has no relationship with him. I went into things VERY optimistically thinking because he was so young AND the fact that dh had custody that I could mold and shape this kid and that he'd end up being more like me than bm. Hah! I was seriously wrong. Things were sorta ok up until age 6 and then he just became a nightmare. He himself can even pinpoint age 6 as they time he just started hating me. No reason. He just did. I think a lot of his resentment probably came from the fact that he wanted his bm (whom he did see eowe)-all his siblings-in both houses-lived with their bm-why didn't he? I believe he resented me because he wanted her. I was a kickass sm and bm to boot, so all that I did for him just caused him to resent me as I am sure he felt if I wasn't around his bm would be doing it.

Other than this issue-my ss15 is a complete psychopath. Truly. I feel he's very dangerous and he's not allowed in my home as I am fearful he might harm my children or even myself and dh. That's the other dangerous thing about getting involved when they are so young. When I met ss he was a cute little 1 year old toddler who couldn't even speak yet. I had NO clue that things would turn out this way-I certainly did NOT know what I was getting myself into. He is a very disturbed young man that creates havoc and chaos no matter where he goes.

Not trying to scare you off-just suggest that you be cautious!

It has to do more with the attitude and actions of the bioparents more than the age of the child. You will be successful no matter what the age of the children (although younger is better) if the following is true:

1. Parents are either on the same page parenting wise OR one mature parent is responsible enough to provide REAL love (not BFF/besties), structure and boundaries for the children

2. Parents are MATURE enough to put aside their differences and NOT trash talk each other in front of the children (rare)

3. Parents stick to the CO and not deviate for the sake of their own egos.

4. Parents are not "out to get each other" in hateful vengeance for breaking up; loving their children more than they hate their ex.

If the reverse is true, then no matter WHAT the age of the children, it will all fall like a house of cards.

I would think that smaller kids would be easier because you can be more assertive with them and teach them to respect you while they are much younger. I have 2 grown SKs and they are selfish to the core. The oldest one is 24 and he couldn't even buy anyone gifts for Christmas this past year. He makes wayyyy more money then me and I am dishing out all kinds of money in a card for him. And don't even get me started on the other one. The SD (18) is worse! She is just the devil in disguise. She likes to be nicey nice when daddy is around but is foul mouthed, useless, and lazy. I have nothing in common with her. She is a snotbag brat and that's about it.

Not sure if there is an easy age for skids.

SS's were 3 and 6 when I met their Dad, they are now 10 and 13. Their BM has PAS'd them from the minute I came into DH's life. They are told that I don't matter, that they don't have to listen to me, etc. DH lays the law down with them but they live with BM, she gets to have the last say. It has been a tough transition but we have been clear and constant with the skids. Our rules do not change. BM has an erratic life and doesn't parent well and is threatened by the stability in our home.

I wish you well. Blending families is difficult but it can be done. I think it helps if both bio parents are on the same page and they take into consideration what is best for the child in all situations.

I don't think there's any easy age. SDs were 3 and 5 when we met. They were cute little kids. But then BMs pas campaign started and before long, we were all up to our necks in pas mud. She told them they didn't have to listen to me, that I'm nobody, that I'm an evil person, etc. So that made things much harder on the kids. We get along well now but it took loads of counseling.

It seems like age isn't as significant as both bio parents being on the same page about not bashing each other to the kids, not bashing SPs to the kids, the kids being respectful towards all adults (SPs included) and civil to SPs. The kids can be teens and the parents can not bash each other & SPs to the kids, and expect the kids to be respectful towards SPs. Those kids stand a better chance of being ok than a 5 year old whose parents disagree about not bashing each other & SPs, and about how the SPs should be treated by the child.

I started dating DH when SD was under 1 year old (we had known each other since we were teenagers, but lost touch when he started seeing BM, then he got back in touch with me when they broke up). The good thing about it is that me being with DH is all SD knows. She does not remember a time when BM and DH were together so she doesn't see me as an outsider the way she might if she were older when we met.

In all honesty though, we have had a LOT of issues and it has not been easy at all. BM has made it her mission in life to break us up (she is still at it and DH and I have been together 4 years and married over 1 year) and make us miserable. It's literally an every day occurrence of her starting trouble with us. She is much more of an issue than the skid.

I first met my SKs when they were 3, 4, and 6. My DH and I worked together and were friends before his divorce, so I saw the kids from time to time at company functions. The kids were 4, 5, and 7 when we started dating. I agree with several comments that it has more to do with how the parents and family act. In my situation, the two older ones get along great with me. BM tried to bad mouth me to them, but the oldest knew that BM lied a lot, and the kids thought I was great, so the girls just ignored BM's craziness. The youngest is the one we have issues with. He was young enough to believe everything mom said was gold. It's not just with me. SS give DH a hard time, too. I think the kid's personality and maturity level has a lot to do with how they react. Also, my SS is still babied a lot by his BM, and we refuse to baby him here. He acts out a lot in retaliation. Just be patient with the kids and continue to show them that you are not an evil person trying to steal dad away. I think that's what made the transition so easy with the girls. To be honest, even the boy has more respect for me than his dad, but I am firmer in consequences for actions. DH gets frustrated and walks away to keep from blowing up. Any child will test your limits to see what is accepted. Be firm, consistent, and loving. It goes a long way.

I met my wife when SS-21 was 15mos old and we married a week before he turned 2. He has no memories without me in his life. I am his dad.

Not that we did not have our fair share of battles with the SpermClan over the years. But, our family (DW, Skid and me) were not overly affectted by their toothless moron manipulations.

It makes sense that the Sparent experience would be less tense when it starts with a very young Skid.