Well now I’m having an EA
Ok, so steplife and marriage to my husband has been difficult to say the least for about 5.5 years now. I have been checked out since the start of covid when my husband acted like I was doing something wrong by taking out two young kids to our weekend cabin to stay away from his 2 kids who continued to go back and forth to their mothers who is always sick, doesn't understand why I ask them to wash their hands.... she's given them many Illnesses and has dropped them off very sick to o home when our 2 were young babies. It happens every year. So I stayed away and husband yelled and faught- he's emotionally abusive and I'm coming to terms with that recently. I've been staying at our cabin since March. He has visited and always ended up yelling at me about the entire pandemic and how im doing this wrong- as if he knows everything. I've felt alone since then and my ex bf from 12 years ago reached out and we have only been texting here and there. But it has made me realize that I really don't deserve a marriage like this. For the last month we have gone home a few times and my husband has slept on the couch every night I'm there. He blames it one our one year old being in the bed and "he can't get his 8+ hours of sleep" poor him.
I have been wanting to contact a lawyer but I'm afraid of the next step. He tells me he won't let me keep the cabin we own together- I've been a sahm for the last 4 years and I don't honestly want to put my one year old in daycare to go get a job ( im a nurse- I also don't want to expose my kids to this virus)
anyone with any advice? Divorce/ financial advice? A friend of mine is going through a nasty divorce and she has no money to support her kids- her ex just is not paying and making her life awful. I'm afraid of this- I'm also afraid of giving him any custody as he abuses alcohol. If you read back in any of my previous posts you will see- that is my number one fear- I wish he would disappear. I in have been taking care of these 2 for the last 6 months pretty much on my own. And before that I was basically the only one taking care of them anyways.
im just confused and don't know what the next step should be- I feel hearbroken thinking about tearing apart my kids worlds, especially my 4 year old daughters world- but I know this marriage is wrong on so many levels.
Take all the time you need to
Take all the time you need to form an exit strategy. Start squirreling away money, even if it's small amounts in the form of cash back when you make purchases. Get a free consult with a couple of divorce attorneys. Do you have family nearby who would be supportive?
I do have to point out that if you're trying to protect yourself and your bios from COVID, you returning home periodically and your H visiting rather undermines your stance.
Has your H ever been arrested? Had a DUI? Hit you?
Thanks:
I tried to keep them away but he kept coming here when his other kids were not with him and I didn't have a right to tell him he couldn't see them- I was afraid that would backfire on me if and he would claim that I was keeping them from him. So after many many arguments he would just show up. He has been arrested but many years ago for drinking, no dui yet. We live in a very small town and he went to school with almost of all the police officers in the county. He most likely wouldn't get one unless he crashed his car:
The last time you posted
The last time you posted I think someone suggested you look into a job working in "tele-health" as a nurse. Have you looked into that?
Quit worrying about what your DH says he will or won't do if you divorce. He can make threats, it doesn't mean he will get what he wants. It might very well work out that in a divorce he keeps the house and you keep the cabin. Meet with a couple of divorce attorneys and get an idea where you stand.
I agree, if you are staying away to protect yourself and your kids from COVID - then you need to stay gone.
Thank you both
I have looked into telehealth jobs and haven't had any luck in my state. I continue to look daily even into lesser paying jobs. Ok I just needed someone to tell me to contact a lawyer again. I'll do that this week. This is such an exhausting process I'm dreading the beginning but looking forward to the end. Thanks again.
Talk to all the best lawyers around
If they've consulted with you, they can't take him as a client. Also, you can accumulate advice.
I also agree with squirreling away some cash just in case things get out of hand. And speaking of, if he does get drunk and/or belligerent--film it! Also start keeping a journal of incidents including the date, who was there, and what happened. It will stand up in court.
Regarding a job have you thought about working remotely for a medical device or pharma company? Doesn't have to be in state. They regularly employ medical people for clinical application training, clinical study management, customer support, etc.
Thank you!
I will film it next time. I've been taking pictures of his empty bottles and emailing them to myself. I've stashed away some money so far. I have also started a little notepad of incidences. I'm building up the courage to talk to an attorney but I'm just going to go ahead and make some phone calls tomorrow. Now that he knows I'm thinking about this- he's trying to be on his best behavior which is so frustrating because I'm just waiting for him to get nasty again so I have some motivation to tell him I want a divorce. I never imagined life turning out this crazy way. Thanks for your reply.
Start getting your ducks in a
Start getting your ducks in a row, but be careful about it. Discreetly gather important documents (it's amazing what a diaper bag can carry), and use your phone to take pictures of financial statements so you have account numbers, balances, etc. And as suggested, document everything! Record, film, write down every instance of intoxication, abuse, etc.including how much he drinks. If you can hand your attorney a day planner that documents your H drinking X amount of booze seven days a week, you'll be in a much better position.
Thank you
I will do this. Thanks so much