Unsure of "step" feelings
So unlike some other stories I have read on here, my 2 ss aren't God awful kids. Once upon a time, I embraced them as my own sincei didn't have any. Now I'm pregnant with my own and I just choose not to be as involved. They live with us but go to BM house on the weekends. (but she's not there, her mother or ex or sister caregivers.) I look forward to their departure on the weekends but lately my husband has been complaining about the treatment they receive there. The sk are 10 and 11 and he's fine with them staying in our home alone while we go out together, but to me it's not the same if they are there when we return. I have chose the "disengagement" approach lately wheres before I was the "soccer mom." I'm not sure why I feel the way I do now. My hus complains how everyone always wants to push them away, but that's not my problem. He's considering keeping them home on weekends now too! He feels I'm too strict and will contradict things I say allowing them to watch tv when I asked them to read or cleanup and will often argue with me about it right in front of them. I know it's wrong for me to want them to go, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but it is what it is. Is anyone in my same boat and can offer me some guidance.
I am pregnant also (only for
I am pregnant also (only for a few more days!) and I have read this feeling you have described goes along with nesting. I am going through it also. Before becoming pregnant, I was crazy about SD17 and SS16. I didn't love them like I love BS11, but I did feel like I loved them. When I hit around three months into my pregnancy, I didn't want to be around them or talk to them. It seemed like everything they did annoyed me. Since the summer, these feelings have intensified. That is because I was off 2 months during summer, DH worked and they did not go to stay with BM for summer. It was so hot and I was 6-7 months pregnant which means I was stuck in the house looking at them all day other than when I went to visit my mom or a friend.
No matter what the reason is
No matter what the reason is for the way you feel, it is STILL the way you feel. Don't feel guilty about how you feel. If disengaging is best for you for now, then go for it. It's very normal to not want someone else's kids full time, especially when you will want to dedicate a lot of time to your own.
People will tell you it's not the kids' fault but the fact that the kids don't live full time with both parents isn't YOUR fault either. And don't forget, it's not your newborn's fault that there is a skid in the mix who may be a source of discontent and tensions.
I find I can cope better by disengaging also and I focus a lot of time on my 2 year old. I don't want to cheat her and I want her to have me full time and it's not either of our fault that SD9 doesn't have her mom with her full time.
I think once mine is born, it
I think once mine is born, it will get worse because I'll of course spoil mine and will want to have family time, but it will be a family of 3...not 5.
I have said that to him. He
I have said that to him. He then goes on and on about their mistreatment at thr BM/grandmother home so he'd rather them stay in our home alone while we go out for "us" time than to be over there. He doesn't get the they are still present factor.
If they are being mistreated
If they are being mistreated at their grandmother's home, I don't blame him for not wanting them to go there. Believe me, it can do more damage than good. And I don't know why it's still a problem if he leaves them alone while you two go out.
Sueu2, you're absolutely
Sueu2, you're absolutely correct in your comment. I dont want to feel the way I do and perhaps I need to pray and work on me. I know it's selfish, but At this time, those are my feelings. I love my husband and he does a lot to accommodate me and my feelings. I'll try to do better in how I feel on that issue, but as far as co-parenting, I will remain steadfast on my disengagement approach.