Thanks hatemydad!
So far as I know, he did not say that to his mom. She absolutely would have had police, the swat team. her police officer bf, and her whole block of non-working, drinking friends come kick down my door if he had.

This weekend, I refused to be alone with him. My husband actually tried (without asking me) to leave him here while he ran to the store. I told him, "I have something to do, I need you to take him" (so I didn't hurt the child's feelings). I later told my husband, "Are you crazy?"

The Nanny Cam's a great idea. I can't actually afford one, so I guess I'll probably just go stay at my son's who lives three hours away every time he has him. I just can't even believe I didn't foresee, expect, or realize the possibilities of what could happen before I got married. I knew it wasn't ideal, but I figured if we kept doing everything right, "things would work out".

Hahahaha "Not my kid, not my problem. Rinse, lather, repeat." Funny! and, my new motto! Thanks.

Thank you for being straight up. You are so right and on point with everything you said, especially "it is a mistake to try circumventing the inevitable and ignoring your warning the child has given you."

I just had a long talk with my husband and no matter what we agreed on, I kept getting that nagging truth that I should not ignore the warning and give into the bs promises. I did tell my husband to go to his mom's every weekend. I admit though, I gave in and said we could work it out.

"We" can't work it out, because "they" are crazy and I am not a doctor. Thank you for snapping me back into reality because I honestly can be a sucker sometimes and have still not learned my lesson, but this is just way to serious and I have three of my own children and a granddaughter to worry about.

I appreciate everyone's help. Everyone one of you have given me help I needed throughout today that has kept me sane. sueu2, your post is especially what I needed for my final decision....there is no way in hell that I can put myself into that predicament, because regardless of who's fault it is, the child has serious issues, and I just can't, shouldn't, and won't deal with them.

Thank you so much sueu2. I will keep you updated on how it goes tomorrow when I tell my husband once again he has to go to his mom's with him.

sueu2-it is like you were sitting right there in the middle of my living room as everything was taking place!

We had a pretty heated argument last night after his son left.

Again, you are perfectly on point-----"He will make you feel like a monster or some awful person for thinking his son is capable of representing a threat to you"

This is one of the main things I addressed. I was really pissed off and told him to stop saying I don't like his son, and stop getting mad at me because I am putting pressure on him to respond to his child and exes insanity. I told him I shouldn't have to put pressure on him, that if he cared about me, he would take it serious and act without my prompting. But, I know he likes me to be the "bad guy". He then says "well, I have handled her plenty of times!" Me: "Oh yeah, when?" He proceeds to bring up when he took her to court (I told him to either go to court and get visitation or I'd leave him), and how, after a year of my begging, my mother in law finally convinced him he'd soon end up in jail if he didn't start paying CS with a check instead of cash (BM said she couldn't cash checks or MO's, but I told him, to which she later admitted, she's getting welfare) . He now gives her checks.

He had to be reminded that I "forced" him into those decisions. He then tells me how he "yelled" at her yesterday after finding out his son sits in the front seat of her car. I said, "well good, but why can't you do that for me?" STAND UP TO HER FOR ME. But why should he? Why should he deal with problems for me? It's not like I have actually forced him to, and obviously, he just doesn't care enough (which really pisses me the f+++ off the most).

The article you linked to was a great one. I actually did a few years of domestic abuse counseling and we discussed "gas lighting" in great detail, because as the article says, we are pretty much conditioned to accept that we are just over emotional and crazy.Some of the women were in denial, and some of us were in shock when realizing and comparing our similarities to the character. This is where I think I really needed your help and reminders. I know I'm not crazy, but I still need to be reminded not to fall back into my learned patterns of behaviors. I sound like a child, but it really does help to hear a voice of reasoning when I am questioning myself-so thank you.

While I did accept my husband's apologies and decided to trust he will "do the right thing", I know it won't be that easy and I am going to have to stand firm as to what I have told him, and that is, that I will not accept and allow myself to be in unsafe predicaments-and that means dealing with his son and his ex, and his tolerance and acceptance of the problems.

I feel like I have more "muscle", now. I shouldn't actually need anymore confirmation than my own feelings, but I think your article explains nicely why I do. Either way, thank you for taking the time and effort to help me. It is really nice that a total stranger would read my dissertations (lol), and give such detailed, accurate, considerate feedback.

I am not surprised you reminded the mother to take the child seriously if they ever again complain of abuse. It shows you have good character traits, and it is exactly what I would expect from you by what I have read from you.

As for even trying to discuss the issue with my stepsons mom-we don't fight, because I don't allow it. The very few times I have had to see her was because my husband was running late and taking me home first would have made him late, she acts, well-stupid! Either she shows off, or she tries to make STUPID comments like, "Stepson said he doesn't like you or his dad hehehe"...to which I responded, "Hahahaha, I don't pay attention to him because he always says the same things
about you, too hehehhee" I know it was immature, but the lesser of the two evils I had wanted to do. She isn't a reasonable person, so as I've mentioned before, if she felt she had even an inch to move on with me, she would literally try to destroy my life (for some strange reason, even though they had already had their baby and been long broke up before I met my husband) she seems to feel like I've destroyed hers.

Quite honestly, if we approach her on what their son said, it will just be ignition for her, and satisfaction. So, I just expect my husband to confront her and tell her to "Cut the shit out of brainwashing"....there was one time before the child told us his mom told him not to talk to me, and my husband said something. And now, that is part of his new excuse of, "What do you want me to do, I said something to her before?"

Anyway, I'm digressing. The point is, I'm not going to be around the kid anymore, and I am expecting my husband to stand up and correct his son and ex so that someday, we might just have a peaceful life.

Yes, us teachers do have a soft spot for the kiddies and tend to think of the adults as guilty until proven innocent.

Honestly, I'm not at all willing to go through any of that CPS, false allegations, and proving myself business, so I have decided not only to not be alone with him, but to NEVER be ANYWHERE near him, again.

I was working on developing a relationship with him, and the very next day after I felt things were starting to go well, it bit me in the ass. He runs to me to clean his cut, begs me to play with him and lay next to him at bedtime. I thought, "wow", he finally has warmed up to me, and BAM, he says that craziness.

I know it may be selfish of me to not be willing to try, but I also know that I can't put all that insanity before my own happiness, peace of mind, and safety. It be like me moving out of my own house because I feel sorry for a homeless person!

Thank you for your response. God Bless you for being able to deal with all that bs. I give you credit, because I know how crazy I got over just the words coming out of the 4 year olds mouth.

Oooo...you are probably so right!!!!!! I honestly thought that maybe he was just trying to show me that he and his mommy were still in control because he had started to be nice.

I know my mom used to go friggin berserk if I had anything good to say about my step mom, so sometimes I would just act like I didn't have fun and not tell my mom anything.

When he said what he said and started being a little jerk, it was very close to the time when he had to go home.

You are so friggin awesome!!! Are you a psychologist(atrist)? You just keep hitting the bulls eye on where my thoughts are. On top of the child having those festering dillusions, I believe his dear sweet mommmy has them even worse.

Let me add that the only reason she has managed to somewhat contain herself (besides f***ing up her own kids head) is because I made my husband get a restraining order when she was threatening him (this was before she met me, then she realized where he got the ideas), forced him to take her to court for visitation, and I actually wrote up a short, but excellently detailed custody agreement that the judge approved and complimented (every piece in it)...it stated she could not fight with my husband, nor discuss anything outside of the concerns of the child.

She tried once to tell me, in front of the child, "Hehehe He said he doesn't like you or his dad!", to which I responded, "Hehehe, I don't pay him attention, because he said the same thing about you Teheheh!". Yeah. I know...immature, but I wanted to slam her face into the car and tell her "STFU MORON!" Basically, I shut her down, and when she called my husband I screamed "Hang the f*** up! She's not your wife. You don't answer to her" So, basically, she is left to have her son do her dirty work...not happening because I am not putting myself in that situation EVER again.

The only thing I would have to do with the child is testify against him at his insanity hearing (which I'm sure will someday come!)

WTF??????!!!!!!!! That is sooooo messed up? What did you do?????? What did your husband do?

That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I think I'll tell my husband to tell her next weekend they'll be staying at his moms from now on. I hate to give her the satisfaction, but F*** it! I'll tell him to tell her that I have lessons to prepare and need it quiet, or something.

Or, that his mom wants to teach him Spanish...which will really mess with her, because she denies the child's Spanish (even though she screwed his Spanish father!) She gave the kid her last name and dresses him in Irish clothes every time he comes here (I'm Irish, but just saying she denies the kid he's Spanish and my husbands mom doesn't speak English!)

I feel like I'm in a whole new friggin world here. I can't believe the horrors of step family life! My mom was a total bitch with my stepmom and tried to poison us, too...and my dad did against her as well, but I never saw myself in that kind of situation....I mean, I'm actually nice, kind, and tried to make this shit pleasant because I know how it feels, but the stories I see here, and what that kid said have left me to throw in the towel, and as my favorite quote here goes, "Not my kid, not my problem!"

Yeah, that's in the order as well. She isn't (nor is my husband) allowed to do ANY bad mouthing, but we all know its a piece of paper.

And no way! I don't even want him getting custody and have to deal with that shit 24/7....HELL NO!

My husband does need to grow some, and I'm not dealing with anything to do with his ex or son in the meantime. I'm seriously cutting all ties. I don't want the child in my house AT ALL, EVER!

I'm 41, my kids are grown, I am doing pretty well, living peacefully, and I am sorry to be such a bitch, but I don't feel like EVER having to deal with some shit like he pulled that day again. I also don't feel like mothering my husband all the time a forcing him to do the right thing when it comes to her....so he has to go stay at his mom's with his son and deal with that hell hole (all her hole as done is caused hell!) himself from now on. The whole "Not my kid, not my problem" philosophy is in effect!