SD always snubs her BM in front of me
This is going to sound like a weird thing to complain about, and I'm not really complaining because, in all honesty, I love this. However I know that it's a problem and I'm was hoping for some perspectives...
My SD10 and I have a great relationship, and she spends most of her time with DH and I. She gets along with her mother decently, but it's clear that she doesn't really respect BM and somewhat resents her for being so unreliable and distant. Today everyone (SD, myself, DH, BM, grandparents, etc) were together of SD's birthday. Whenever BM and I are in the same vicinity, SD always snubs her in favor of me. BM tried to take her hand as we were walking, and SD shook her off and ran up to grab mine. When we sat down to dinner, BM sat next to SD who immediately got up and moved over to sit by me. Now, I'd be lying if I said that I don't do a little mental happy dance every time this kind of stuff happens, but I know it's hurting BM. I can't stand BM and don't blame SD for her reactions because I believe this is a hell of BM's own making and she deserves it. However, selfishly I know that this is making BM resent me more. She already doesn't like me (in her own crazy mind she sees SD's rejection of her as a consequence of my presence, not of her own actions), and I know this is just more fodder for her to hate me and blame me for all her problems. And, no matter how much I hate BM, I know that if my child did this kind of stuff to me it would rip my heart in two.
So the big question is...is there anything I should or could do about this? DH says there's nothing I can do about it and I don't see anything either, but I thought I'd check with my lovely and knowledgeable comrades on this site. I can't not take SD's hand when she asks for it, and I can't go tell her that she has to sit by her mom, but I feel like by not doing anything I'm being an accomplice to this. Any thoughts?
Maybe she is trying to show
Maybe she is trying to show her BM something.
possibly in her 10 yr old mind ditching BM to her face is her way of screaming in her BMs face, she might want to get the message across that BM needs to be consistant, reliable and at least 1/2 the mom you are. SD might just need her BM to prove herself.. but trying to actually say it to her has gotten her nowhere.
My SD11 was somewhat like that, but then BM got a new boyfriend (shocker) and wanted to show off her mothering skills, so she decided to become more reliable, when BM acted interested for more than an hour or a few days SD11 dropped me so fast I didnt know what happened..it goes back and forth, I am the best, I am not even worthy of talking to.. it all depends on who BM is going to be that month..
When I asked SD11 why she was hanging on me and ignoring her mom she said well she ignores me, wonder how she likes it.. I was being used to make a point is what it boils down to.