Are you kidding me? It's in your dining room?? I don't know why... But this is making me laugh... Maybe because it is so absolutely insane! Fist of all... Why is your SD 'decorating' your home with her pictures? That's kind of weird... Second, on what planet is it okay to display a collage of this nature in your dining room? Especially in your dining room... Is the kid trying to make you barf up your dinner? :sick: :barf: And third? Why hasn't dh said anything?? This is crazy...

I would have to agree. Talk to your DH about it and then he can have a talk with SD about hanging it in her bedroom. That is a more appropriate place for something like that anyways. Since one of my SD's moved in with us, she knows that she is more than welcome to hang pictures of BM in her bedroom. But no where else in the house. And she doesn't have any problems with it. But she is also a little older to. But even when she was younger, she understood. I think your SD is at an age where she would understand. Good Luck!

Given the location of the picture I think a change would be in order and there doesn't need to be any drama involved. Dh or you can say "this is such a nice picture of your growing up years I think something this special should go in your room where it can be enjoyed by you more often. It would look so nice over your desk, etc..," Then help her hang it.

I'm w. cru on this one. My house,my say in where pictures go. sd and choochoo can put whatever they want in their rooms(within reason obviously) and that includes pics of their other parents. Be as diplomatic as possible about it and it shouldn't be an issue to move it into her room.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

We just recently took a family photo (me, DH, SD10 and BD2) for christmas cards this year and I had it blown up to put in our dining room. Maybe you guys could do something like that. Otherwise put something else in its place and put the collage in your SD's room. I cant believe your DH wants to see pictures of his ex every time he sits down to eat! JMO

I think the best course of action is to "redecorate" the dining room and maybe another room or two (just slightly, not major renovation). Get SD involved to an extent. Buy something great for the dining room and maybe some pics for some other rooms and move the pic to her room. Let her choose where to hang it or keep it. Under normal circumstances I'd say - my house, I decorate, but I believe you said it was there before you moved in and she doesn't keep it there to purposely hurt your feelings. You definitely don't want to start making yourself issues by alienating bm if things are otherwise good between you and SD. BUT I wouldn't leave it there either. Intentional or not, it is disrespectful to you to have to look at pic of BM at dinner every night (quite frankly I don't think I'd be able to keep my dinner down, but that's another story). Try to make it seem like HER idea to move it.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Having a daughter that's 8 myself, I bet there's a way you can wordsmith it so that it's not a negative. Maybe you help her 'redecorate' her room or give it a makeover and then subtly suggest how awesome that collage would look on a certain wall and how she could see it more if it was in her room? I get what you mean that she has no idea it would bother you...and good for you, that means you are doing a fantastic job of sheilding her from the usual stepfamily negatives. I think my daughter would be tickled to death if I said something like 'I think that picture grandma and grandpa gave you would look really awesome right there one your wall, what do you think?' or something like that.

Here's my reply: If it MUST be up somewhere, it should be in the sd's room...and that is only if she is the only one in that bedroom.

I have/ still am going through the same damn thing, and now prego...There is a prominent picture of the BM and "their" family, the MIL, FIL, BM, DH, BIL, SIL,etc....sitting in a huge frame in the ss5's bedroom. It WAS out in the dining room also, just like yourself. It was moved to the back in the ss5's bedroom who my own son (18) shares a bunkbed with, when he comes home from college on holidays...

My BS-18- lost his real dad to cancer two years ago. Do I have a picture of the three of us up in there? Nope....But....mind you, I think I will now.

That's only fair and one way to get rid of the bm's framed pic for good.Hmmm...

If ss5 can have a pic of the cow in his room, why can't my son have one of us three in there also???

Sometimes I wonder where the hell my head is...

MWC (again)

I agree with re-decorating the house, move some pieces of furniture around here and there, that would interfere with where the picture is. As you're doing this say to SD.."Hey Honey, I have a wonderful idea, why don't we put this up on your wall in your room, that way, you can see your Mommy every night as your going to bed?"

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Re-decorate that room and move it into her room. That is what I did. All pictures of BM are in their rooms or in a box in the hall closet. They can go through the box when they are older. My DH had issues with the pictures of my husband. I moved them all to one area in the house outside my office. They are not going anywhere since he is deceased, but out of respect he shouldn't have to look at them on a daily basis.

Jsmom....is that what worked for you pertaining to your deceased husbands pictures?

I also have a deceased husband who was the dad of my son, now 18...BM pics are everywhere in here, but my son's pics of his dad were put away. I don't like it, but would not display his dad openly in the main rooms...

I think my son deserves a picture of his mom and dad in the bedroom too, just like ss5 has one up of dh, bm, mil, fil, sil, bil, etc...how can I pull this off?

Thanks~

What about if you and DH suggested that maybe she would like to have that picture all to herself in her room and that you get a family picture taken of all of you that you could hang in the dining room?

I never had pictures(family members) per say on walls in Common rooms everyone uses. In the living, family, dining rooms and kitchen,we have ART, (paintings). On the table, mantel and Piano, I have a few( 5) Small framed pictures of kids and grand kids. ( My house ) And some of My FH and myself. Just one of Him & I On my nightstand too.
I always used the Hall ways as area's for Family Pictures and Collages of pictures. Trips , good times, Holidays etc.
I just took mine down and packed them for my new home, since I will be a step mother.
I came up with this idea for our new home,
My plan when I move into FH(our)house this Spring is to get all the pictures together and make family walls in the two hall ways. he already know my plan and agreed it would be great for the kids, since the divorce 14 yrs ago all their pictures have been in Boxes.

One hall way I will have ALL his Adult childen and ALL My adult children in 8x10 frames,all the same frames. Then I will have all his & my grand children in 8x10 all framed the same, below their parents. I also will have them with their Birth Mothers (3) his two ex's and me, and any good photo's of aunts, uncles and grandparents. The people who are in the childrens lives. People they love.
The other hall way is going to be All our childrens graduation and Wedding Photo's and Births Pictures of Grands,that were professionally done by photograhers. I will put them all in the same colored frames.
Otherwise I think Family Photo's belong in bedrooms and Hallways on WALLS.
I decorate , like a professional in Common rooms.!!

I agree with all those who suggested "decorating". Just rearrange the dining room and a couple of other rooms. Ask for SD's input. See if you can get her to decide on her own that the collage is her present, therefore belongs in her room.

*Formerly FiguringItOut* trying to take a new approach to my situation

I think you shouldnt point out why you want to move the picture..but perhaps decorate the frame together, then she will feel like you enjoy the collage..maybe put gemstones on it that match her room..or let her pick the gemstones out..then she can hang it in her room..so that she can view it every night before she goes to bed or something..my SD has one picture of her BM and I HATE IT...its not even framed..sometimes she brings it out..and other times it "magically" disappears..i hate looking at her face...my SD is only 6 though..so she doesn't realize its gone haha

If it makes you feel any better....our bdrm is a shrine to fdh's daughter. Pictures of the princess everywhere. Including one huge one over our bed. I mentioned to him a few months back that it would be nice if we could turn the bdrm into our own private sanctuary just for us, and place his daughter's picture elsewhere throughout the house. He didn't get it at first, until I reminded him that I have no pictures of my children anywhere in our bdrm, and that with that big (10x13) picture looming over us on the wall - I sometimes find it hard to "get busy" when I feel like his daughter is watching us. He's agreed, but I'm still waiting for him to help me do this. However I think I have solved the problem. I'm going to get him to take a few candid shots of us this weekend, and as part of his xmas gist I am going to get them printed and framed so we can place them in our sanctuary. He'll get the hint!...hahahahah

GIRL - You need to relocate the photo. Have it under a "re-arranging" type of situation, not "Can’t stand BM".. That would be best interest for your SD.

I have been there and done that, it should be in her room. No Offense to anyone, but it hurts to see the "happy family photos". Keep it real with your DH, but again, it’s either the picture goes, or you lose your mind eventually.....

and you lasted 2 years looking at it. UGH. that is patience! Good Luck!

I agree, move it to SD's room. I'm still trying to figure out how to fight the battle to get SD's pictures removed from our bedroom. DH has a whole "shrine" to SD16 on his dresser and bedside table. No pictures of our two kids together, but like six pictures of SD16. Spare me.

My favorite story is the fact that DH was married briefly after he divorced BM and before he met me. That wife left him because she couldn't handle the SD drama! And SD kept a picture of that woman in her bedroom for several years. Every time I walked in there I had to look at it. Somehow that picture disappeared during our move four years ago.

Here's a funny about pictures.... I don't mean to hijack but wanted to throw this in. Years back my entire family had a portrait done, about 2 years later I was divorced. So my mom had this gorgeous picture of us with my EH in it. He was standing on the end in the picture so she very casually covered him up with a strip of construction paper. So then some time later I had a rebound marriage and my sister was living with her fiance so we had a new portrait made. LOL... Low and behold within the year I was divorced again and my sister and her fiance split. So here was my poor mother with yet another big beautiful picture. I noticed that this time she took two pieces of construction paper over each end to cover up the men and I said Wow, mom, how lucky the guys were on the sides so you could cover them right up. She looked me dead in the face and said "You think that's coincidence? I did that on purpose so I could cover them easily, and next time I'm putting your dad on the outside of the picture!" hahaahhaha!!

dunno... im not the most tactful person in the world, but i would say something to sd like " why dont we put that beautiful picture in your room so that you can see it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed, that way you can say good morning and good night to everyone in the pictures." then you dont have to look at bms ugly mug so often.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."

it is almost comical to me how unsensative most people are to this issue to even have pictures like that up in the first place. lack of skills in relating to the other person.

kk
I'm enjoying reading the creative ideas and may I suggest my friend's answer to this sticky situation. Money was an issue also and she used the children's art in her kitchen and dining area. To dress it up she bought a large frame (i think from a garage sale) and gave the little skids butcher paper to draw on for a rotating gallery. "We are so proud of your art we want to display it so we can all enjoy it" helped "sell" it to all. The offending pix went in the skids room with little fanfare and the kids were thrilled at their status as artists in residence. Any offensive art can be revolved more quickly than others.
Good luck with your redecorating! Let us know how it works.

Use the "it's my house, therefore, I don't want YOUR crap on my wall" explanation.
Unless its in her room. Then she has to have some privacy.

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

I can sympathise with you..... My widower boyfriend's wedding pic is up (canvas) in the dining room (although I don't live there yet, I am there every weekend). I hate seeing that pic up - there are plenty of other pics of the late wife all over the house - for the kids benefit apparently, but I feel the wedding pic should come down. I respect the children's feelings and those of my boyfriend, but surely the wedding pic should come down to respect my feelings also...

x

I'd flat out go buy a fancy picture or mirror...and tell your SD it's being hung up and you can hang the picture in her room because it simply does not match the decor anymore. She is 9? My SD9 is vindictive and mean and manipulative and likes to constantly write her parents names all over notebooks all over the house? Mind you - we get along but she likes to plot in the back of her head...this happens everytime mommy breaks up witha boyfriend? explain to your DH it's coming down. It's disrespectful and obviously you dont need to see her everyday - uh - if he doesn't get it - then make sure you hang a picture of you and your ex up somewhere...how about set one next to your bed on your nightstand and see if he likes it?. If you live there - the common areas of the house need to reflect your styles together - SD9 can decorate her own room - how often is she with you? Does she live with you full-time? If she doesn't she won't even notice the damn thing is gone...who keeps pics up of their ex's? really? It can't always be about the kid - she needs to come to the realization that mommy and daddy and her are NOT a family together anymore - the family has grown on both sides...you being on his.

In my opinion I would walk over and take the entire thing down right this minute. I would remove the photos of the bm and then take the whole thing to sd's room, tell her she is free to put some nice pictures of her and her father in the empty spaces but she needs to take the pics of her mom, to her mom's house. The mother doesn't have anything to do with your family and I wouldn't expect that the bm would have pics of the daughter and father at her house. I think you need to set some ground rules about who is a part of this particular family. The bm is not. The SD is a part of two seperate families. SEPERATE... They do not in any way shape or form need to be combined if that is not the way you want it to be.

MOVE it to her room. Wow I thought it was bad when I went to SO brothers house and every time I walk in there are family pics on his brother's wall of my SO the ex wife and the kids. I wouldn't for a moment want to look at that every day of my life. It should go in her room. That is her "special" picture of things that mean a lot to her. It should be in the space in the house that means a lot to her and that's her room. YOU should not have to look at that every day. Wow I'd need pain meds and a shot if I had to view that every day of my life... bad enough I have to hear her voice on the phone let alone looking at her picture.

I don't really agree with lying to the kid about why you want the photos removed. I don't think its unreasonable to be honest that you don't want or need pictures of your husbands ex hanging in your house. And you wouldn't expect your husbands ex to have photos of your husband in her house! If the kid wants to have pictures of her and her mother, she can have them at her mothers house. Pictures of her and her dad can be at your house. I don't think you need to tip toe around her over this or your husband. It's not a hard concept to grasp that you shouldn't have to deal with your husbands ex's face in your house. I bet you don't have photos of any of your other exs just hanging about the house. Ex's are ex's for a reason. They didn't fit well together. They have a child together and that forces them to have to have something to do with each other. But that's ALL they have to do with each other and kids shouldn't be kept in the dark about things like this. What on earth is the point in making her think you're fine with her mothers photo being in your house? It will only lead to her not understanding the full truth of things. She needs to at some point deal with the fact that her parents are not together. That they have both moved on and that it's okay for them to do so.

In regards to your mother in law, your husband needs to put his foot down and explain to her that he has moved on and that it is disrespectful to him and you to bring photos of his ex into his home. She does not live there, she is not part of your family, her photos don't belong there. And that she's also just put her granddaughter in a confused situation.

agree, it needs to go in SD's bedroom.You must find a way.I wouldn't accept that in my living room and I don't even have a problem with BM.My SD had a whole collection of pictures of her in her dads living room.In our house together we picked a really cute one of her plus one beautiful one of all my children ,each one and hang it up in the living room.Plus I have organised photographer to come by in the next weeks to make a nice shot of all the monkeys together, I will put this on a canvas.We also had couple shots lately which show only me and SO, also going on Canvas
All those other massive huge pictures of SD 7 went in her room, which she doesn't seem to mind since she is a bit self absorbed and in love with herself (hours posing in front of mirror!!!!) and in this way she can see herself all the time.

Wow-

I got pissed about a little 3x5 in a collage frame...we found it in box when he moved.

DH put it in her bedroom but took out the one shot that had Snaggletooth in it. The other 3 are pics of her as a baby and with DH.

Funny thing- she hasn't noticed the one blank spot???? lol

That would suck! SD12's baby picture used to be up on our wall (no BM's pics thank god), but I just couldn't handle it. Once he realized that there are plenty of pictures of her around the house at an older age, he seemed fine with not having it up. The younger pics of her are in her own room. Which is kind of weird too. Does she need 20 pics of herself in her own room? But anyways...

We had the same issue. It was hanging on DH's living room wall in his bachelor apartment, so I didn't say anything about it. Once we moved into a shared apartment, the collage frame went into the spare bedroom (or what SD likes to call "her room").

I'd approach it like some of the other posters here have suggested. Make it "her special picture that needs to have a special place in her room" and replace it with something else!

I would suggest it be placed in her room. Sd has a picture of her parents together in her too
I hate it but it's her room

Snowbunny, you are NOT a guest in your own home. It is YOUR home too and you need to feel comfortable. Just take it down and replace it with a gorgeous mirror with some sconces on the side. Don't tell the DH, just do it.

He sounds like an unreasonable ass. What man would want his new wife to have to stare at his old wife all the time!? Speak up for your needs! You are his wife, his partner, it's your home too and YOU need to be happy.

You need to get that picture off your dining room wall! That is ridiculous! There is no way in hell I would allow my SD’s trashy BM’s face hanging on my wall! If SD must have the picture, she needs to keep it in her bedroom.