Just need some TLC
I haven't posted here very often, but do read others problems regularly. I know that mine are not much different, except that I am not the mother but the grandmother.
the problem, sadly, is my daughter. She has been diagnosed as having Cluster B Personality Disorder, which makes dealing with her under any circumstances, to say the least challenging.
I have been supportive of my GS's bio dad and his wife during their never ending custody battle. My daughter had cut my husband out of her life several years ago, when we stopped giving her money. She lost custody and was put on supervised visitation 2+ years ago due to addiction problems.
well, she's back now, still an addict, and has come in all guns blazing! She has a list of demands and has hired a lawyer who seems to be trying to rein her in, but with little success. My GS is very leery about seeing her at all, but she refuses to take any of his feelings into consideration. He's 7 years old, and very bright, verbal and sweet kid who just wants a bit of control in his life.
Well, we will be back in court because she is refusing to use any of the Supervisors that have been provided to her. She seems to think that she should be able to set up the parameters for supervision, not the Supervisor. It sounds crazy, I know, but I am afraid that after more than 2 years, and her usual sob stories, that the judge might decide to forgo supervision. This would be disastrous!
has anyone else had any experience like this?
The key is boundaries and non
The key is boundaries and non- reactivity. Don't let her get away with abusive behavior and don't reward her high conflict ways inadvertently.
It's unlikely that a judge would grant her unsupervised visits if there was a clear-cut reason that she got them ordered supervised in the first place; though it's not impossible. Maybe help GS's father pay for a good attorney if you are in a place to do that?
The judge might give her more
The judge might give her more freedom to choose who the supervisor is, so the BF should counter this and request she produce a clean drug test (supervised) before each visit. Most of the time family court is looking for any way they can to reunite the children with the parent, even if it's to the detriment of the child. So I would not assume this is going to be cut and dried given her past history, the BF needs to be vigilant in protecting his son and possibly get his son his own lawyer.
Thank you all......
Thank you all for your advice. I have been paying for the attorney for dad thru all this, which is a shock to most who hear about it. I just can't support my daughter with a clear conscience, as she is toxic the way she is. There is currently a supervisor that BD and SM have already done intake with, but my daughter is refusing to use her, no reason.....just no. Asking for a drug test is an excellent idea, as she is required by the court order to maintain sobriety for ALL substances and provide drug tests monthly. Needless to say, she has never done this. I'm seriously considering hiring a lawyer for my grandson as well, poor kid just wants to be heard.
You sound like an amazing
You sound like an amazing Grandmother and I'm sure your GS's BF appreciates your support.
You are so kind
Hugs!
I'm going to play devils advocate
You being her mom and supporting him both mentally and financially through this all is only making things worse. As her mom she needs to know that you are on her side and supporting her. Not so much for the kids at this point because obviously she is not in a place to be okay for them but knowing that you are on his side 100% and being the financial support in the one thing she holds onto in life, her kids, is only making things worse.
Step back and understand addiction and the battle she is facing and put your efforts to helping your daughter become clean and a better person. Even if that means standing back and doing nothing but for the love of god stop putting your efforts into her ex.
I couldn't imagine what goes through her head each and every day she wakes up to remember how even her own mother was against her in this big scary world.
Here is some positivity
Drugs control my life
So don't try to convince me that
I can be sober
Because at the end of the day
I can't do this
And I'm not going to lie to myself by saying
I will prosper and succeed
So I will remind myself
That I am a selfish terrible person
And nothing you tell me will make me believe
I deserve a good life
Because no matter what
I will always be addicted
And I wonder if
Things will get better
Because when I look in the mirror, I will always think
Can I recover?
Now read bottom to top
Weightedworld, I love this!!
Thank you so much for the poem you posted........I try to have faith and hope. Thank you again
♡ This!!!
Thank you for posting that! Very powerful.
As tragic and sad as your DD
As tragic and sad as your DD's situation is, I believe that you are doing absolutely the right thing by supporting your GK. Including supporting your GK's father as he is protecting your GK from the toxic BM.
Though addiction is most definately an illness, it is also a choice. Or more clearly, it is a long sequence of choices. Each and every time they use, it is a choice and they, IMHO, have to be held accountable for each and every one of those choices.
Of course your DD should know that you love her, want her clean and happy, and that you are there for emotional support. However, she also needs to know clearly that you will do what is necessary to protect your GK including participating in the custody fight to keep her away from her own child.
I am sorry you are having to go through this.