Well, I tried.......

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I was criticized after my last post for not giving my DD my support and being supportive of her ex in their custody situation. While I can't support her regarding custody at this time, far too many issues not being dealt with, but I did take the advice to try to be more supportive to DD. Not a good outcome, to say the least......

I invited her to meet me at a local park for a "picnic lunch" and a chance to talk. She came, 1 1/2 hours late, and presented me with a written list of her demands (nonnegotiable!) before she would be willing to consider being a part of our lives. Just some of the highlights were 1. Give her our rental house, free and clear, for her to live in. 2. She would need $4,000 a month living expenses. 3. a new car of her choice, must be a convertible. 4. I am never again to bring up her drug use, suggest rehab or ask any questions in regards to her "chosen lifestyle". Needless to say, it was no picnic! I did find it so sad that there was not one single mention of my dear GS in any of our "discussion". I know that all the years that we enabled her, made excuses for her behavior and generally did not hold her responsible for her choices in life created this disaster. My heart hurts so..... The way she is now, she is toxic to our whole family and can't even begin to be a mother to her son. At least for the present, my focus must be on what's best for my dear GS. He's still a child and my hope is that I can provide a better life for him than I obviously did for my DD. Thank you for letting me vent, it helps to have a place to go.

Only one person criticized

Only one person criticized you for not supporting her, the rest of us agreed you had to set boundaries on her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you supporting your grandchild's father so that he can take good care of the boy, since your daughter can't. Boundaries are key with personality disordered people and addicts, now you know that for sure.

I'm sure losing your daughter is a terrible thing - don't take to heart the opinions of people who don't understand mental health and addiction and the best ways to deal with a family member who has these issues. Keep supporting your grandson and his father as needed.

She is obviously delusional.

Like tog, I only saw one reply that criticized you on your previous post. Daughter or not, if she is not fit to have custody, she shouldn't have custody. You are doing the right thing, helping the father. Your grandson deserves to be raised in a healthy environment.

It is sad to have to cut off family due to mental health issues but seriously, her demands are ridiculous.

Also, where she's at now in her life, is not all due to how you raised her so don't take on that blame and guilt.

I'm so sorry. You are dealing

I'm so sorry. You are dealing with so much, my heart goes out to you. It's will be important for your grandchild to have your support and love as they grow. Big hugs!

I'm sorry that your daughter

I'm sorry that your daughter isn't ready to fix herself. My brother caused my parents a lot of heartache and much money as they bailed him out and tried to get him help many times. Finally, after many attempts.. he did regain sobriety from his demons.. but he does remain a changed person in many ways.

You need to do the right thing for your daughter and grandchild and while she may not see your current path as being helpful.. enabling her to continue to abuse herself and endanger her child are NOT the right path.. and actually NOT being supportive.

So, continue to offer your grandchild the help that you can.. and while you may well find it possible that your daughter may find it in herself to work on her issues.. this is a decision she has to make for herself and honestly.. will be more likely to come if she doesn't get the assistance she is demanding of you.

The problem with being an

The problem with being an adult and expecting everyone to do as you demand is this: it doesn't work that way. Your daughter is expecting the world to stop rotating one way because she said so.

Look at this from a different angle, you did try. Any doubt that you (or anyone else had) about you having tried is now moot. You can move forward with a clean mind, a new purpose and let go of anything else. You can love your daughter and still hope she doesn't not get the chance to warp her child more. You can put him first because he is a child, she may be your child but she is an adult who makes her own decisions.

I'm glad you tried to talk with her. It allows you to move forward w/ your support for your grandson w/out worrying again about your daughter's feelings. Good on you Grandma!

I can see why that comment

I can see why that comment (only one) was like a slap in the face, but really it wasn't good advice. Your daughter has chosen her path in life, and it's not a good one. We talk about boundaries with toxic people on here all the time, and your daughter is a toxic person. The only person who can help her is herself and she doesn't want to. Being a strong person for your GS is what matters, his mother has made her choices and she will have to live with and deal with the consequences. If she should ever choose to get her life on track and get clean and sober, good for her, but she will also have to accept that not everybody will want her back even if she remains clean and sober.

Thank you all…….

I guess I focused on that one comment because I feel like I have failed my daughter and it breaks my heart. It truly helps to know that others who have been through the drama and trauma of a drug addicted loved one understand. Thank you all for your comments and support. It really helps.

Thank you all…….

You didn't fail your daughter

You didn't fail your daughter. You did the best for her. She cannot be allowed to ruin the life of her child.

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is not your issue.

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