I nearly lost it today.
On our way home from chuck e cheese today I mentioned to my bf how tired I am (I just started a full time job this week, immediately followed by having his 3.5 yo with us all weekend long, and I am 3.5 months pregnant!) and how having his son fri-mon is too much for me right now. Well, he decided it was the PERFECT time to tell me his son will be staying with us one weekday every week. (we have him every other weekend) I said no that's not going to happen and his response was 'you dont have to be there' and i said like hell I don't have to be there, I LIVE there. (we have lived together for over two years now) we didn't continue the convo because his son was with us in the car but I was so pissed the rest of the way home. He came in the bathroom while I was in the shower and we talked for a bit about it and he said he didnt mean to respond that way but in the spur of the moment he felt the need to match my tone. Whatever, I can't stand his son most of the time since he is a brat, feels invincible and like he runs whatever house he is in and just has this feeling of entitlement in general. I cannot let this happen, even now it's too much. Any ideas on how to convince him otherwise?
He should not have broached
He should not have broached this subject with SS before discussing it with you. Any change to the time SKIDs spend with us should be discussed with us FIRST and our agreement obtained, before it goes forward. Your bf behaved totally unreasonably.
It is your home too, and you have an equal say in what happens. I suggest you discuss it with him - tell him the reasons why you don't want this to happen.
If you are tired now with a
If you are tired now with a 3.5 yr old and being pregnant, wait until you have your own child...sigh...
Now although I think it is ridiculous for these dads to change parenting agreements without our input, I also understand that really, as long as HE will be there, there is not much you can do. If he had asked YOU to take care of the child, that is a different issue.
Believe me that MANY BMs don't give a rats ass about the skid seeing daddy until a new woman comes along, then they are happy to pawn off the kid to dad as much as possible...I honestly think they do it as a "f@#$@#$ you, my child will now be there more so YOUR child doesn't get all the attention".
Good luck.
My experience has been
My experience has been different. DF could have his kids as often as he wanted as long as he wasn't dating anyone. As soon as BM found their was another woman in the picture, she pulled the kids away.
OP, if you can't deal with the child being in your home for an extra day, what happens if he has to come live with you?
If your BF is a decent father, you won't be able to convince him that only seeing his child 4 days a month is good enough. Good parents want more time with their kids, not less.
Does your BF help out a lot,
Does your BF help out a lot, or is most of the house work and watching the kids mostly on you? If it's mostly you, I would tell him that you were happy to have SS there (ok, fake it if you have to), but you could really use some more help with everything, as being full time and pregnant is exhausting. (I've been there, my first husband did nothing around the house, even when I was full term). Then, when things with the kids get exhausting, tell him you need some time to recoup, and go disappear somewhere for a while. That's what I have to do.
Hopefully, he will see how tired you are and will be willing to help you out an extra amount.
My issue, aside from his son
My issue, aside from his son being a brat and there being no point in him even coming over on a weekday (we both work and dont get home until about seven and then we are up at six the next day) like I said he doesn't sleep well and he sleeps in our room so I don't get to sleep well either. Aside from that it bothers me that he TELLS me things are going to happen ge doesn't bring them up for discussion. We did get to talk and I said all of the above to him including the fact that he should not make decisions that affect me without consulting me. It is my house too and I pay bills just like he does and I have to put up with his son when he is here as well. After much debating he agreed to bring it up again before he considers it again so it looks like for bow things will stay the same.
And of course this only comes up when bm finds a new bf and wants to get rid of her son. She would have never brought it up otherwise.
Honestly, he should have
Honestly, he should have talked it over with you first. Yes, it is his kid, however you live there too. And your feelings should be taken into consideration. Personally I would make myself invisible when the kid is there, and don't EVER watch that kid when dad isn't around. I made it a rule with my FDH that I will not be responsible for watching his kids. If he can't be there to watch them, then they can't come over. Simple as that. Because what would he do if I weren't there?