How do I keep dh's ex from driving me crazy?
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My dh and his ex have been divorced nearly 5 years. We have 50/50 custody, eowe. The ex refuses to discuss important matters with us, for example she changed sd's school without talking to dh. However, she tries to micromanage our household.
His ex has never referred to me by name, never says "hi" and talks smack about us to our friends, family and the community. She constantly texts my dh and if he tries to ignore her she becomes more and more persistent.
I really want to not feel as upset, angry and disgusted towards her as I do, but it's hard. What are some ways you have come to accept the situation and find inner peace?
I wish she would just go
I wish she would just go away. I would rather have sd living here full time than ever deal with this crappy BM situation. I may need to take up meditation, journaling or...karate!
it is the worst situation and
it is the worst situation and i think we've all been through it, going through it. I'm on medication coz she and the situation have driven me so low i was in pieces. You feel anger, resentment and in all honesty jealousy that DH had kids with something like that (whether in a relationship or just f*cked up) it hurts like something you#'ve never felt before. I also feel guilty that the skids are in this situation and are used as bargaining tools and knowing that their BMs house is a pig sty and we have a nice house and a good family where on her side they are all scum, (think CH4 Shameless). I could go on....
But like Tuff Cookie Mom said you have 'Accept the things you cannot control' SO TRUE! hard to do but i believe it will change everything how you feel inside. Concentrate on your relationship with your SO and the rest will follow and if it doesnt then disengage but on your terms, NOT his.Dont evr sit back and let him think your ok with things when you're not, that was the worst thing i ever did and took a lot of arguments to get right. I made it clear, either i'm no1 priorty or this relationship doesnt go any further. We're now married, BM knows her place and DH keeps me involved as much as I want to be, and SKids are never rude to me but if they even forget to say thank you, he is hot on it. took time but DH needs to have your back to help you through it. BIG HUGS XXX
I'm learning to laugh at bm's
I'm learning to laugh at bm's silliness. such as texting everyday over menial stuff that she could easily figure out on her own. The big stuff is harder because dh has a hard time saying "no". Years of being bullied by her has turned complacency into his coping mechanism. No one ever told her that being bossy doesn't make you the boss, especially not in our home.
Imagine how miserable it must
Imagine how miserable it must be to have a "best friend" that can't even have a heart to heart discussion. She must be very lonely.
Kill her with kindness. They
Kill her with kindness. They fucking HATE that shit! LOL
Whenever I see her I wear a
Whenever I see her I wear a BIG smile. I'm pleasant. So pleasant. All the while she seethes and spits venom. It's awesome!
See! it works!
See! it works!
"Kill her with kindness. They
"Kill her with kindness. They fucking HATE that shit! LOL"
^^^ This was my method...
On the alternative...
She can't argue with you (your hubby) if he doesn't argue back.
She demands something... Effectively you access each situation individually... if the demand is something that actually makes sense a simple "Yes" text/e-mail suffices.
If it is something that doesn't make sense a simple "No" text is sufficient (your DH does not have any requirement to defend his decision.
If it is something that affects his parenting time and his decision is to deny her request he does not have to enter into any type of argument with her at all. Effectively if he says no... that's it case closed... Don't enter into a discussion.
AND don't let it get to you... Accept that it is what it is.. and she will try manipulation and mind games for as long as you (your DH rises to the bait)...
In fact she thrives on pushing his buttons and remember she is already a master of it; she probably did it through their marriage, its like Pavlov's dog... she's ringing your DH's dinner bell effectively...
Truth is, difficult people
Truth is, difficult people are everywhere, and it has a lot to do with the fact that they don't understand themselves, how to manage their energy and emotions, and in many cases, they're stagnant in life and it makes them bitter
- Some people, literally will never learn. They don't pay too much attention to their neurology and internal self, and the idea of changing it.
Her behaviors are the reflection of her true self not yours. Set healthy boundaries and treat her as a stranger.
That sounds ideal. Basically,
That sounds ideal. Basically, she contacts dh to stir the pot. Even her seemingly innocent questions are Trojan horses.
Your husband's words helped
Your husband's words helped me, too. It's as if I expect BM to be nice and she's not. In fact, I've never met one person who has told me anything positive about BM. Usually it's stuff about how she's rude, mean, curt, that sort of thing. Great advice!