So lately has been tough on everyone. Last time DH was home was all about moving, myself graduation, start a new job etc. This time home has been just as hectic first weekend we went to the ship BM’s dad served on, DH’s friend’s house and all that.

SS has been making more comments throughout the past couple months about stuff BM was supposedly saying about me. This has made almost every situation dealing with her even more annoying than it typically would, including her “losing” graduation pictures instead of dropping them by the house because she accidently got them when I’ve seen her drive by our house. I just I feel like my hate has increased in I’d say probably the past four months.

Well last Friday was supposed to be DH and I’s date night. We have not been a date since he took me to a nice restaurant the Tuesday before Valentine’s Day. My birthday was passed over, just every time he was home after that either money was too tight because of us getting ready to move, or we were trying to get stuff ready or family events. Well low and behold BM and SS ruined our date. Turns out BM has a new boyfriend she doesn’t want to tell us about and though she threw a fit to get SS on Friday because the decree states differently but DH tries to just get along and will cave in on some stuff especially since he realized it was the opportune time for us to go out. Anyways BM was going to the play the clock and as she has to alert as when she is leaving SS for 4 hours or more other than him going to school etc. Well SS through a fit that he didn’t want to stay with his grandma his daddy was home and that is where he wanted to be.

SS has never actually requested to come to our house so it melted DH’s heart we took SS to dinner with us, skipped the movie and tada one less night alone. Well BM told SS she would pick him up Saturday morning so they could spend time together and then she was going to take him to a friend’s birthday party. We had not heard from BM until 230 IN TH AFTERNOON Saturday at which point SS had his feelings hurt not only did BM want to go on a date rather than spend time with him (she just started dating again so we expected jealousy) and then that his mom didn’t get him that morning.

She finally got him took him to the party and he came back to our house Saturday night. Well Sunday was just as emotional as SS heard me talking to someone about DH and I one day trying to have a baby (we both have fertility issues). He told me he was jealous of me giving a little girl who was staying at the house attention so he didn’t think he could handle it and he knew he would always be the only child his daddy could love so we couldn’t have a baby. DH handled this very nicely telling him it was not his choice but we were not planning on having a baby in the near future…that we had other things to focus on but that one day he may have to deal with another child.

I kind of felt bad for SS as it seemed like this weekend was nothing but a snowball of emotions for him. Monday SS and DH went swimming and when DH was doing the pass off to BM she asked if we were getting him Tuesday or Wednesday, he said he thought Wed that is how it always goes and how it is and is a tad different from the decree as it says Thursday but we do Wed because when it comes to DH going back to work she gets SS early. Anyways she said she had stuff to do and if we wanted him early we could have him well SS jumped in and said daddy I want to go with you…so officially my normal week of alone time with my honey got bumped down to two nights I was completely worn down as I get up at 5 every morning to be at work by 630 70 miles away.

DH made a comment to me and I was just like whatever I knew stuff was hard and if SS felt more comfortable with us let him be. SS and I get along pretty well he knows that I will get krunk on him just as fast as his daddy if he disrespects me, and that I can be his bestfriend or worst enemy. So BM had him from like 5 Monday to 5 yesterday afternoon. As he was kissing his mom by he glanced at the car with his smile to see who was looking and made a big deal about the goodbye. I could tell her was trying to make either DH or I jealous and kind of let it slide. I was happy that after her hurting his feelings over the weekend it seemed like he got a day without his big brother about him. I don’t care for BM but I do want her to give her son the attention he needs.

I know that is a lot of back story but it has all been bothering me pretty regularly. I mean it’s like I’ve done all I could for this kid and he would come and tell me BM was saying not nice things. WELL TURNS OUT HE WAS THE ONE SAYING THE NOT NICE THINGS. Last night after we got home DH was outside working on the truck and SS was inside I tried to ask him if he had fun and all of that – he wouldn’t talk and looked at me to say “My momma said I can’t talk to you”. I was in shock BM had spent barely 24hours with the kid after he sat in my lap and cried about how she was hurting him and he was truly not going to talk to me. I pried a little more and got “My momma says she and a bunch of people don’t like you and you are mean mean to her” I asked him if he liked me and he said he did and then I asked if he had ever seen me be mean to his mom as I was only around her when he was around he said he had never seen it. I tried to talk again after clearing that up and he repeated that he wasn’t supposed to talk to me. I again talked to him and even started to try to play with him which he loved but he made the not talking comment several times. I told him it really hurt my feelings that he wouldn’t talk to me especially after how open he was on Sat and I wanted to understand what was going on, that he wouldn’t be in trouble I just felt confused and asked him how he would felt if I did it to him. He then said he wouldn’t like it but repeated it again.

I honestly try to keep DH out of stuff between SS and I as I don’t want SS to think I tell on him, because if he gets in trouble with me I might tell DH if the punishment is big enough but typically don’t consult him as we can handle it and move on by the time DH is around. I couldn’t shake the way he was acting though and I went outside to smoke and tell DH because my feelings were truly hurt I mean I have given up a lot than most would for this kid especially lately, BM knew we gave up our date and now it was like I was shunned. DH called SS outside when I was done smoking and I went in. He tried to talk to SS and SS stuck to his story his mom told him to do it. Well that’s about all he would give so DH decided to call BM and see what she said about the situation, at which point SS admitted he lied and his mom never told him not to talk to me. It came out that SS had been lying about what was said our house, and at her house and was starting to play the kid games.

DH got onto SS pretty hard for lying and how he had made both of us look like fools. I looked like a fool to the point that I actually personally called BM because there was a lot of tension and looks between us that were fabricated stories from SS so that we wouldn’t talk. Don’t get me wrong I still don’t like her and do not want to be her friend but we had been cordial up until the point SS started lying, and I felt like she would really say those things as we did have a small tiff that I know did not make her happy. SS it seemed like didn’t want to say sorry to me but had to because his dad made him. He got his hefty punishment about lying and was warned yet again as it had been over a year since we caught him in a lie. DH proceeded to tell him it would not be near as pretty next time even though it was hideous this punishment and that he should feel lucky that I was too upset to step in, because I honestly just felt like my heart just felt broken.

We tried to be a normal family for about an hour before SS went to bed but you could cut the tension with a knife. I know it bothers DH greatly that he seemed to have no remorse except for forced about hurting me, yet could give no reason why he wanted to hurt me, and said he wanted his daddy to be with me because I was nice and he felt like I loved him a lot. DH comforted me some but I think is still in shock of how to proceed with the situation and the future. I just I don’t know how to shake this feeling; I have fertility issues and have poured my heart into this kid to the appropriate line of not crossing his mother’s boundary – that was never an issue with us. I just my DH spent almost all night looking up how to deal with children who are polar opposites at each house, and how to proceed with the situation.

I know for me…I will be taking a step back in all that I do. I know he said he was sorry but it didn’t seem heart felt and I think I will make him confirm he meant it today, and say I don’t want to dwell but I need to know. I have a feeling my heart isn’t going to let me reinvest into the little guy on a certain level anytime soon. I’m not saying I will be a bitch but I feel like some disengagement will come out as before BM and I originally became cordial I had disengaged to a point.

Any advice on how we should run the household moving forward….or advice on handling a child who still will I’m sure try to play games again, or even just how to deal with my pain that I am still feeling, I barely slept and am sitting at work with my office door half closed because I just want to be in a hole from no sleep and emotions.