Doing the right thing or overstepping our boundaries???
Ugh, I could probably post daily about some drama with BM...
That being said, let me give you guys a brief picture of what BM is like when it comes to SD15 having a boyfriend... SD15 has had 2 different bf's and both times, BM got WAAAYYY too involved in the relationship. She got bf's phone number and would schedule dates without talking to SD first. Just let her know later, like "oh, by the way you and (bf) are going to the movies tonight and I already paid for it". Well both times SD broke up with the bf, BM flew off the handle. SD is a good girl btw and is not sexually active...yet. But the first time she broke up with a bf, BM called her a whore and a slut because she figured it could be for no other reason than because there was another boy SD liked! She had my SD literally in hysterics bawling in the bathroom floor at my house (the break up happened while with us for visitation). My mom and I picked up the poor thing and took her out for ice cream (because we all know ice cream is a cure-all!) and she felt better but had to listen to BM when she got home. The second break up resulted in BM telling SD that she is "obviously not mature enough to handle a relationship yet and therefore, NO BOYS"!!! I think this is obsessive (communicating with bf's behind SD's back etc) and a huge overreaction.
SD has a new bf and refuses to tell BM about him for two reasons. #1=because BM has threatened her that she will not be allowed to do anything with anyone if she finds out she has a bf and #2=the bf is of a different race than we are and BM says "people will talk about you and it reflects poorly on the family".
All that being said, DH has told SD that #1, she can always be honest with him and me and he thinks BM is overreacting and being crazy and #2 he doesn't care what race her bf is as long as the bf treats her with respect and is a good kid. I agree with DH of course. Soooo... DH has allowed the bf to come over to our house and hang out without telling BM. BM has sole custody with DH having standard visitation. Can BM do anything if she finds out we have "broken her rule"??
Is this rule written, signed,
Is this rule written, signed, and noterized? Hahahaha I would think she can't do shit about it and has no control over what goes on in YOUR home.
You and DH are doing the right thing. And you sound like a really cool SM.
If BM has a problem with it, too bad. She's absolutely insane!
thank you! I also feel that
thank you! I also feel that if they are hanging out here then I know where they are and what they are doing hahaha
back when they got divorced,
back when they got divorced, he didn't fight anything because he was so distraught over losing her. She pretty much got everything she wanted because he had no atty and no strength to argue... he is actually thinking about trying to change it to joint custody now. just talked to an atty this week
My DH doesn't have shared
My DH doesn't have shared custody either. She had caught him in an affair and he just didn't have the strength to fight her as she drug him thru the dirt.
Changing it to joint is a long, hard, and expensive battle; especially if she is a hateful, spiteful bitch. She has all the power to make our lives a living hell.
Who says BM ever has to know?
Who says BM ever has to know? Crazy bitch.
exactly! and you know what we
exactly! and you know what we found out? he's a very nice kid! (happy SM)
The girl is old enough for
The girl is old enough for the family court to consider her feelings. Daddy can file for full custody if the girl wants to move and you're ready to take her on.
The BM sounds like she is re-living her teenager life vicarious through her daughter. Poor thing - those years are tough enough.
I've also read about teenagers instigating a move by simply running away to the other parents home. The non-custodial parent immediately calls the custodial and after the custodial picks up the kid (who repeatedly says s/he wants to stay) and starts to drive them homle. The kid simply gets out of the car at the first stop sign or light and walks back.
Again the routine is repeated. It's important to note that the teenager has to do the talking as the non-custodial parent cannot front or would be in violation of the custody order. Eventually the custodial parent gives up and an agreement is reached usually when the new custodial parent agrees to not ask for child support from the reliquishing parent or even continues to pay support for awhile "until things settle down - say 6 months".
We are more than ready to
We are more than ready to take on the skids (there is a 13 yr old ss too), and we have told them they are welcome to move in any time they want to. I think they are unhappy at BM's but feeling guilt over the thought of leaving her to live here and we understand that. at least they know the offer is there.