BM always wants to drop the skid off WAY early on Saturdays when my DH is working, which just ruins my day off. I hate having the booger around when his dad is gone. DH and I have butted heads about this a lot, and it's because he just feels like the bad guy telling her no. I have given him a very lengthy, but very clear way of setting a boundary with her. Just text this same sentence, no matter what she says... "No, I will pick him up after work as usual." I told him that no matter what she says, no matter what excuse or lie she comes up with, just repeat that phrase. I said it makes it easier for him because he doesn't have to keep coming up with retorts to all her exuses, and then inevitably giving in.

He just hems and haws around when I tell him this. I ask him what is wrong, and he says he just feels bad. Then says he doesn't like to feel like the bad guy. My answer was that I always feel like the bad guy, but I'm willing to do that because I want this relationship to work. I said that if his mom comes and goes in our house with a key, and his kids come over whenever his ex wants to dump them off, and he never sets boundaries that my love and stability will erode over time. I said that I love him but I need to feel safe and respected in my home and my life, and that it's basically his choice if he thinks being the bad guy with his ex is worth it to keep things stable at home.

I just NEVER receive a solid answer. Sometimes I think we just have different ideas of how we want our lives to be, and maybe we're not right for each other. He ends up doing what I want and I'm glad for that, but at what cost? I feel like he doesn't really GET or understand why I need the privacy or boundaries. I feel like he doesn't really GET ME!!

What do you all think? Is it just part of being a step parent that I have to feel like the bad guy sometimes? Even if my DH does what I want, I feel like we are divided in our hearts and are not on the same page and that bothers me.