Custody Agreements: What do they say?
Hey ladies! Going through these threads, I notice a lot of issues coming up with other people that are explicitly outlined in our custody agreement and it got me to wondering what yours say. For example, BM calling the house: We have phone visitation laid out between 7:30 and 8 pm - that's the only time the other parent can call the kids. The kids can call whenever is reasonable. So, like, not during dinner, or not 5 times a day. Then, this leads into BM telling the kids to call or telling them to do other things: The other parent cannot instruct the children on what to do when they are with the other parent. We have other things like, 'Neither parent will speak badly of the other,' and 'Both parents will be supportive of the kids recounting of time spent with the other parent,' as well as, 'Neither parent will attempt to demonstrate that the other is a bad parent,' and 'Both parents will be supportive of other people in the childrens' lives including the other parent's significant other, friends and family.'
We went through and put into words all the things we wanted BM to do, not do, or at least be made aware that we were watching her about. And, now, since it's a legal agreement and a court order, she has to abide by it. So, when she acts up, we send an email stating that she is in violation of the agreement. She often comes back with something along the lines of, 'you can shove your agreement up your ass,' or 'ha! as if that actually applies to me.' But, she usually stops. Though, she did have to be told be her lawyer that she is indeed bound to all those things by law and can be taken to family court, arrested or have criminal charges brought against her for violating it. Ha! She seemed to think it was merely suggestions. No, really, she emailed us after talking to her lawyer and said that she had misunderstood the custody agreement and didn't know that those clauses were serious until her lawyer told her they were.
So, my question to you is, what does yours say? If you even have one. I want to hear the mundane to the ridiculous. I have a stepmom friend (IRL) who has one that stipulates who is to buy the kid's halloween costume and valentine's cards. Seriously, it was such an issue with their BM that they had it written into the agreement. It might seem silly, but for her, and for us, it works.
I didn't ask for your opinion
I didn't ask for your opinion on my situation, but perhaps I should let you have full custody of them since you're so perfect.
Well, Blended Fam, I am very
Well, Blended Fam,
I am very happy that every Judge or court system does not agree with giving every BM full custody. There are some BMs out there who are;
1. Not involved in their kids lives (as a result of drugs and alcohol)
2. Do not understand that boundaries exist for a reason.
I think you are way off base with your comment to CaliStep, when she was just asking for opinions about what should be in a custody agreement. We are all here to support and advise others in similar situations, not attack each other.
CaliStep,
My custody arrangement gives BioDad the right to phone calls twice a week during particular times. If the kids want to call him, they are permitted. I do not stop them from calling him, but I do not want constant calls all hours of the day and night. Having that written into the custody arrangement, allows both parties to be aware of where the boundaries lie.
In the most recent custody
In the most recent custody agreements I've seen in several states, visitation is no longer called "visitation" but called "parenting time" instead.
However, to avoid "hijacking" your post, I am composing a separate blog on this topic.
Geez, i am not understanding
Geez, i am not understanding what was mis-understood in your post about asking what other court order state........ Geez!
Anyways - DH and BM currently have joint custody as they were both found to be capable of joint parenting at the time - 2003. They have split visitation times..... husband gets 1, 3, and 5th weekends, alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas visitations, 5 weeks in the summer, plus DH is to be made aware of school, doctor, extra curricular activities and speak to his daughter each evening.
NOW BM has alienated DH's relationship with his daughter ever since the court decided he was a fit father and didn't allow her to make all of the decisions herself. AS such in 2009 after BM filed a false protective order against DH, filed bogus abuse charges with a truama counselor, and constantly alienated DH from daughter doing other things (list is way to long to type out - but all documented) Judge put in the court order for BM and her family to stop alienated DH and his family from SD. AND had the BM to sign a memorandum of agreement to stop alienating as well.
SHE still has not stopped. Since Sept 2009 she has taking 7 of DH's visitations, put false information on school records, given DH bogus medical receipts asking for money not due to her, is attempting to move out of state, and is still using third parties to alienate DH from his daughter. This is once again all documented as well. SOOOOO DH filed a contempt hearing against BM for which we go to court in two weeks for.
SO BlendedFAM - in light of you basically just trying to start an arguement...... if both parents are found to be fit - they should share custody of the child. However whether it be father or mother - if one is not fit.... the other parent should have sole custody. Just because a mother has a child - does not mean she is always the best interest for the child. I guess you would think that even though my DH pay his support and more, gets his child when she allows, drives from out of state to each event he finds out about..... I guess in your opinion BM should still be allowed to denegrate his relationship with his daughter, no matter that he is the childs father right....... COME ON!!!!!!! Children are shared between parents! They do not belong more to one parent then the other.
Umm, you should read Cali's
Umm, you should read Cali's post about hating her SS. It's pretty intense.
http://www.steptalk.org/node/28706
Our custody agreement is all
Our custody agreement is all messed up. Here are a few examples, you can tell that her attorney is the one who wrote up the most recent agreement, that will never happen again.
Kinda like finding Waldo, can everyone find what is wrong. (I hope that this helps others avoid this in their cases)
Holiday placement will be as follows:
Bm will have placement every Mother's day and Bm will have placement every father's day. The parties will meet at 10 am for exchanges.
Thanksgiving placement will consist of the entire Thanksgiving weekend, with BF having Thanksgiving placement odd years and Bm having Thanksgiving placement even years.
Bm will have Easter Sudnay placement in 2009 and all odd years. BM will have easter Sunday placement in all even years. The parties will meet at 10 am for exchanges in x.
BM shall have the children at least three hours on bf's birthday and bm shall have the children at least three hours on her birthday.
The children's birthday placement will be in accordance with the regular placement schedule.
BF shall have the option to have placement of both boys on the opening day of the November gun deer hunting season to take the boys hunting. If not, Maya will make arrangements for boys to go hunting.
The boys will be diciplined by the parents, not by sf or sm. SM is not to disciple the children living or visiting in her home.
BF's family counseling will continue with x, and the recommendations of said therapist shall be followed.
Can anyone find the mistakes????
Make sure to avoid these in the future. We contacted the court, Bm's attorney as soon as BF recieved the signed copy. We have been unable to get into court or to get these things along with other issues resolved for over a year. Meaning that BF has lost out on a significant amount of time witht he ss's.