Are all kids like this?
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We have SD all week and the laziness and forgetfulness has already begun on day 1. She has a homework assignment due the first day of school that was assigned in June. And OF COURSE she doesn't have the actual assignment paper. She ALWAYS relies on her friends for printing it out for her the day before it is due. Well, this time, her friend are on vacation and they can't help her. So I get to drive across town in the hopes that we can get it from her school. This happens EVERY WEEK during the school year.
Anyone know how to stop this?
Is this normal for kids at the junior high age?
This has been happening since I've known her (elementary school and now junior high).
Suggestions or just venting are welcome!
Yep we had this problem too.
Yep we had this problem too. After grade 10 we gave up and said if you do not do your assignments you will face the consequences. He left everything to the last minute, forgot what he was to be doing did not have the paperwork for what the assigments were for. It was very frustration until we just stopped trying to help him. He is 18 now, and just spent his summer working a co-op to get the 2 credits he needed to graduate. So all in all he did OK and figured it out for himself. At some point you just have to let them make the mistakes and hope they learn from them.
Echo, I love your comment
Echo,
I love your comment "If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse". Your comment is absolutely right. My stepson, who is now 17, got into a very bad habit of not studying enough for his exams the first time around, but instead, always asked the teacher if he could earn extra credit. This usually meant that he would have to get to school about 45 minutes earlier in order to complete it before school. This always interferred with taking the other kids to school, meaning that if they didn't want to ride the bus, they would have to also get to school a lot earlier. I saw the pattern develop and my stepson clearly took advantage of his dad regarding extra credit. In my husband's opinion, his son was taking responsibility by arranging the extra credit. In my opinion, I would agree the first time or two. However, it became his normal routine (approx. 7 or 8 times during a semester). I tried to explain to my husband that we are not teaching him the responsibility of doing things right the first time. Not to mention, my ss used this as an excuse to avoid riding the bus to school when he got punished from driving. A 17 yr. old riding the bus to school would have humiliated him and possibly taught him a lesson. I believe school is the utmost priority to kids, however, a line has to be drawn, otherwise he is not learning anything and getting away with manipulating us to avoid the bus.
That's a little harsh. I
That's a little harsh. I never have to do anything for her. We are driving to her school for something else in the hopes that she can pick up this assignment, too.
It is harsh to raise a child
It is harsh to raise a child to believe that everyone else should pick up her slack. It is harsh to teach her that when she is older and has a job she doesn't have to meet her deadlines because someone else will "save" her. It is harsh to let her fall on her face as an adult because you ever taught her as a child.
I expect that the answer to your original question "do all kids do this" is yes, they do, right up until someone stops covering for them. Kids live up to the expectations you set for them. It is our job to raise them to be responsible adults. They know how to be kids. We don't have to teach them that. Just because all kids do it, doesn't mean it should be accepted. All toddlers throw tantrums. In my house, they're ignored. I am sure that some people would think hearing my 18 month old scream his brains out while I go about making dinner is harsh, but the reality is that he isn't getting a cookie before dinner, kwim?
What kids DO depends on how WE react.
Not your problem...HER
Not your problem...HER problem! Stop enabling her
USA kids don't get enough
USA kids don't get enough homework over the summer, over the weekend, overnight. And they don't attend enough school days. This is why we're raising a bunch of ditch diggers instead of engineers.
Back to your question - let her suffer the consequences. It seems like on that point we're all in agreement.
They always are.
They always are.
Agree with everyone. I would
Agree with everyone. I would never drive one of my bio kids across town to get a forgotten assignment. Guess what? They don't forget assignments
Okay. I get your point. I
Okay. I get your point. I forgot to mention that we are driving to her school for something else. geesh. Remind me to keep these things to myself.
And I want to add that
And I want to add that usually DH is the enabler, but he doesn't want her to fail. So he should stop and then she fails. She doesn't care.
I agree with everyone else.
I agree with everyone else. They have all obviously given you the tool to make it stop, but by your responses, it sounds as though you don't want it to. I don't know what other advice to give other than she learns for herself. But she never will if you and DH keep coddling her. Obviously what you guys are doing isn't working, as it happens weekly. I'd put my foot down and tell her it's her problem, and if DH wants to deal with it, he can, but that you're out.
My parents bought me an
My parents bought me an agenda and my dad showed me how to keep tracks of assignments and due dates etc.. Then it was up to me. This was grade 7. The same system kept me organized through graduate school and to this day.
Not doing homework or screwing up at school was NOT an option. What kind of consequences does she have?
All three of my s/kids are
All three of my s/kids are this way. During the school year they would wait until the last minute to do any and all homework and projects, and then freak out the night before and shriek for help from DH. He's very artistic and actually enjoys doing things like that (not homework, but projects) and he'll get on them about waiting until the last minute, but he'll be up until all hours and run all over the place to make their projects look extra special. Because HE has fun with it. When I tell him they need to take responsibility for waiting until the night before to do a project, he says "Yes they do, but I'm not going to let my child fail to make that point".... um... so then what do you suggest? Since he ends up doing HALF the project for them.
Example: SS8 had to make an insect project. He knew about it for a week. DH had plans on working on it with him the day before it was due.. except that he got the days mixed up and it was due a day earlier than he thought. Well, that means SS8 was with his BM, who will do NOTHING to help kids. So she's freaking out on DH, who is taking all the blame, and runs around buying all the supplies out of our pocket. THEN, he makes a praying mantis - a really cool praying mantis, as he's artistically inclined - for SS8. He SAID he was just going to use it as a model and SS8 could just use it as a visual. He got up early, drove early to meet BM at school, and SS8 puts his project together in the back of the car. Guess what? When he came home with it a few days later, with an A+ on it... it now has TWO praying mantis's on it... DH thought it would look "cooler" with two. So yes, essentially, DH did half of his project.
I was so freaking mad. I have no idea how to get this to stop. My parents let me suffer the consequences of waiting, and guess what? After a few failing grades, I got the picture.