Am I Too "sensitive"?
Forums:
I need opinions here...
My SS10 last night while making dinner got milk for him and his brother, then offered to get DH something to drink (I was in the same room and there was no offer for me). I think it was incredibly rude. My husband says that I am too sensitive because that never would have bothered him.
So I am curious what others may think.
Thanks for your input.
It was rude, thats my
It was rude, thats my opinion. My DH would have asked him "did you ask briar". Maybe it was the way you reacted that made him defensive of his son, sometimes when I word things certain ways DH says its me, not him or SS because of the way I worded something or because I got emotional while talking to him. Maybe you should just say to DH that you were hoping that he would want his children to have manners and if that is the case he will have to mention it to his sons when these things accure. It doesn't take much just a "did you ask" if someone is being ignored. Then its on the kid, if he gives an answer DH doesn't like it will let DH see his childs perspective and realize the problem. Sometimes we have to let the child dig there own grave and they will if you can get the ball rolling with a little nudge.
Yes it was rude, and your DH
Yes it was rude, and your DH should have noticed and said something. I am just in shock and slightly jealous that your ss10 can pour his own milk. I have 2 ss, 10 and 7, and both of them would have found their father, interrupted whatever he was doing, and said "Daaadddy me thirsty" then DH would go and pour their milk for them. They don't ask me anymore because I give them sippy cups!
Yes... but... If there is
Yes... but...
If there is tension they (skids) will do anything they can to avoid you which includes speaking to you. My OSS would just wait until I was in the bathroom because I was on his case so much. And THAT reason was because I was onto his sneaky ways and knew damned well he was smoking pot and drinking.
I would have said "No thankyou! Not for me this time!"
Or "Ahem! Hellloooo! Am I invisible? Want to ask me as well?"
See, this is your home as well and sometimes gentle reminders are lost on the dull-heads. They need a quick reminder that they are not the only ones in the house. By being cheerfully sickening and making it PAINFULLY obvious (in the NICEST possible way!) that your spouses dull-heads are lacking in social graces let alone good manners makes it a little easier for them to realise you are making their kids more socially acceptable.
I found grizzling about it later to my DH would just annoy him and he saw it as a personal attack on his parenting. By reminding the dull-head at the time that you are not a figment of his imagination and are part of this home it is likely to stick in his head that you will bring it to his attention EVERY SINGLE TIME in front of his father and any other adult there.
I agree with you, one of
I agree with you, one of four, DH would say something to SKids if they were so rude as not to include me. I also realize that standing up for myself is important too. If they see me having to rely on DH all the time then they will consider me a weakling and a TARGET!
When they say nasty thing I tell them, 'sorry, I did not hear you, say again.' and they do have to think about it as they consider repeating it.
I see, from all the threads that SKids are often resentful of step parents and will do all they can to eliminate them and get parents back together again. That's their insecurity, the fear of the unknown, and it's not hard to see through what they are doing. SD only recently did some introspection, at 17, and she owns now that she realizes I am not going anywhere and that her daddy and I are happy together. Hell on wheels prior to that awakening moment though!
SD also knows that I love her like my own daughter, she knows I forgive her too.
"I found grizzling about it
"I found grizzling about it later to my DH would just annoy him and he saw it as a personal attack on his parenting."
My DW is like this. Any criticism of her kids is considered a personal attack on her parenting. I know that I should just keep my mouth shut, but it is really hard to just let the skids get away with everything!
It IS a personal attack on
It IS a personal attack on their parenting. Because they are NOT parenting and they know it. Seems to me that they are the ones who are acting "sensitive" when the cold hard truth of their failure as parents is pointed out to them.
I hate it when I have to
I hate it when I have to question how I feel b/c my DH has me convinced me that I'm "too sensitive" about how SS treats me. Yes, it was rude that you weren't included.
Thanks for the replies.
Thanks for the replies. Makes me feel better to know others would have felt the same way!
Have you ever pointed this
Have you ever pointed this out before?? I noticed when I pointed out how SD14 talks she only/always says "dad"...even when I am standing right there!! She did this on purpose; DH said the same thing - but after she did it a few more times after that - he actaully called her out on it!! I don't think DH even notices half the rude, ignorant stuff SD does!