I havn't had your experiance..Our BM and her family are not in the picture at all and havn't been for 9 years. However, DH's parents/family are obbssessed with step brat (aka The Golden Child) and have tried to kid nap/take her from DH on several occasions.

Is Bio Grandma fighting for custody of the kids or just vistation?

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.~ disgusted

Yes, you are definitely not the only one. Before I came across this site I was absolutely guilty for having the thoughts and feelings that I did, but now that I know there are others who feel the same way... it's not so bad.

Unfortunately I still have to deal with my BM. I'm to the point now where I can't wait to get out of this wretched place. DH and I plan on leaving for Oregon once I finish up college... it's still another four years away but hell... I'd rather wait four years than stay here with BM for my entire life! :barf:

Anyway. I understand what it's like to have people not care about your opinion. When I think SD8 should be disciplined this way... everyone else seems to think the complete opposite. For example: we have a brand new Wii, and SD8 decided that it would be funny to kick it. When you spend $300 on that thing... it's really not that funny at all. So I did the first thing that came to my mind... I went right over there and smacked her butt right in front of DH. I didn't even hit her hard but she started to cry like a banshee. DH explained to her that she can't just kick things around... but SD8 called her mommy anyway to tell on me.

And boy did I get yelled at. "You have no right to touch MY child! You're not her mom! Blah blah I'm a big fat brainless gargoyle."

"Hell-OOOH. It's MY house. MY things. If your child decides to try and break MY things, she decides to face the consequences. Would you rather me spank her ONCE or let her go ahead and break the damn Wii and make you pay for it? It cost me.... oh, $300."

"... Even if SD8 broke that stupid Wii, you can't make me pay for it."

"Okay. Well, either I get money from your pocket directly, or I'll get it indirectly. I'll just take SD8's daycare money from DH. So that's $100 every two weeks? I can wait a month and a half to pay off the Wii."

"... Well, it's a good thing she didn't break it then."

" Yep."

Just so you know... DH's $100 to SD8's daycare is not part of the contract... so he really isn't obligated to pay.

But anyway! That's what I have to deal with. A stupid BM who doesn't think I have the power to discipline her child in my own home... and a very spoiled and bratty SD8.

We all have different circumstances in the same battle. I am the primary mother to SD, because BM has never acted as one, then bailed all but one over night two to 3 times a month. And that is usually spent dropping SD off for a night out with her friends, because BM doesn't care/doesn't want to see her anyway, and SD gets in so much trouble that we don't let her out with her friends unsupervised.

So BM still manages in two or three nights a month, and countless 2-3 minute phone calls, to convince SD she "loves her more" because she "Cares what SD NEEDS and WANTS in life." So we are the ones doing all the parenting, and thereby the mean ones who have to say no to a daughter who is constantly asking for us to do/buy things for her. TO her BM says YES to every request, since they all fall in two or three nights a month. And since we have SD the other 330 nights a year, any "yes" we give her pales in comparison in SD's mind.

Welcome to the jungle!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

You have a unique situation. Since BM is deceased that changes everything and most of the rules go out the window.

I'm glad that you are here and will look forward to talking with you!!!

Finding this site is like finding a whole big bag of weed! Jackpot! LOL! I'm just kidding by the way, I don't smoke the stuff. Or atleast, I don't inhale

I feel horribly guilty because sometimes I wish the BM would just disappear...there. I said it. I'm awful for wishing such a thing. Seems the sd would be better off without the bm in the picture...so your daughters(and they ARE yours) are lucky.

I am in a similar situation. The BM of my SKids passed on when they were a year old. I've been their only "mom" since they were five. I am still treated as an outsider even though I've been their "mom" for so long. The only difference between your situation and mine is that they never had contact at all with BM's family. DH told me BM was on drugs, etc., and his family confirmed this. However, to compensate for them not having a mother when they were small, DH and his family overcompensated and gave them everything they wanted.

Anyway, what does hubby say about the Birth Grandmother's attitude? Have you talked it out with him or her or both? There has to be a compromise. Have you told her that you are not trying to replace BM, that you have no thought of letting the Skids forget BM but that you are now the mother figure and need to raise these children with or without her help? How old are the Skids and how do they treat you? In my opinion, stepmothers got the "evil" tacked on because of nasty people who simply cannot relate to the obstacles we stepmothers must overcome to be accepted.