How should I handle this?
SD13 came to visit us in December and decided at that time she wanted to move in with for the next school year. We agreed. We discussed it with BM who was reluctant, but agreed. Well BM is known for her mind games and manipulation. Shortly after SD13 left to go home we found out we were pregnant. SD13 thought that was "kind of cool." Shortly after that BM announced that she and her boyfriend are pregnant. SD13 still decided she wanted to live with us. BM told SD13 that if she stayed they would buy a house and SD13 could have her very own bedroom. SD13 still decided to move in with us. Well BM never announced she was pregnant to anyone, but SD13 was excited that she was going to have two new siblings. I thought it was rather convenient timing at BM was pregnant. I also thought it was strange that BM wasn't going to the doctor and even at six months still hadn't announced her pregnancy to anyone. Well BM called SD13 last night and when SD13 asked how the baby was; BM said that she had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. Mind you, BM tells SD13 of the slightest bump or bruise that she gets, she's such a hypochondriac. How could you neglect to mention a miscarriage??? That upset SD13 a lot and she was crying for a good part of the night last night. I was livid. I know BM wasn't actually pregnant and was just trying to manipulate SD13 in to staying with her. I'm so livid that someone could be so low and sneaky. How could you tell your own child such a lie and live with yourself? Now SD13 is asking questions about it, and I don't know how to answer them. Any suggestions?
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What a whack job!
That is unbelievable, if the BM was never actually pregnant. How sick is that :O. What kind of questions is SD asking? I would just tell her that you don't know anything and that she needs to ask her BM the questions. Maybe she should talk to a school counselor if this is bothering her that much. Sounds like your SD made a good choice in choosing to live with you instead of her psycho BM.
Questions
She has asked questions about why someone would miscarry so late, when the baby dies how do they get it out. I can't answer these questions, I don't know the answers. I thought I would see if my midwife would talk to her about the questions. At least it would be a medical professional answering the questions, and I can't be blamed for any misinformation.
SD13 also wants to send BM a card to say that she is sorry for the loss. Should I let her do that? I don't want BM to think that it was me putting SD13 up to it.
SD sending the card...
Definitely should let her. It's a very appropriate, mature way of expressing condolences and grief, and regardless of the truth of BM's situation, SD is completely right for wanting to express this sentiment.
There's no way you can go about proving her a liar without risking looking really bad yourself. If SD finds out eventually, let her direct her anger where it belongs, at BM, not at you for trying to dissuade her now.
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Well I would probably answer
Well I would probably answer those kinds of questions by telling her why she would miscarry so late? I would say that you don't know the answer for sure but there may have been something terribly wrong with the health of the baby and that when it happens that late in a woman's pregnancy they usually give birth just like normal.
You could also have the midwife answer the questions, that may be better but I don't know.
As far as SD sending a card, if she wants to let her. Maybe the sicko BM would feel guilty over lying about such a horrible thing.
Maybe have her express her
Maybe have her express her condolances to BOTH the bm and the bm's bf. Bet he had no idea about the alleged pregnancy. What a horrible thing to do.