I know exactly how you feel, I think many of us do. I too wish to have someone stronger than me take all the burden off me! In my case it is really laughable for me to handle the finances as I was very bad with them all by myself, but I do. Hubby feels he does all the housework because I am working 7 days a week but that is also a laugh. Does this crap ever end??

I need to read up more on your situation before I can understand more, but just wanted you to know, we are here for you, we care, you are not alone . . . !! can you go for a nice walk or something to help you get some perspective, or even just away??!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

What's the situation at your house with bank accounts and division of labor when it comes to managing money? Do you have joint or separate accounts? Do you each pay certain things or does one of you have sole responsibility for setting the budget and paying all the bills?

When I first married my DH, he handled the finances. (Or mishandled them, anyway.) He wasn't very organized, so even when we should have had the money, he'd forget to pay this or that when it was convenient to do so and then we'd have to play catch up when he figured out he'd missed something. It just wasn't working. I volunteered to take over and it's been smoother sailing since. DH makes the money. I spend it. I decide on the budget, I pay the bills and he checks with me before he spends a dime. I guess some guys might feel like that's emasculating, especially when he's the one who actually earns the money, but it's not done in that spirit. I'm the bookkeeper. It's one of my jobs. I keep up with it and him having to check with me before he spends is, to him, a small price to pay for having someone else deal with the finances.

I know you don't need one more responsibility. You've got your hands fuller than full. But if he'd keep his hands out of the cookie jar, it might make the stress of running your household diminish a little.

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ANNE 8102 | GEORGIA

Did you volunteer for this position or is someone holding you there against your will?
"I took him and his kids in when he couldn't take care of himself." You need to get him and them out of there before they destroy you. You are doing the job of BM and BF and what are you getting out of it?

Honey, I completely understand your situation and I think I know alot about it. I have had the honor of talking to you outside of this realm and I can appreciate what you are saying. First let me say that you are incredible for taking on such a situation. You inspire me everyday. Secondly, I know what it feels like to take on a man and his kids when you are financially sound and he is... well, less than secure. I did the same thing. DH had a whole helluva lot of nothing when I met him. Now, if legal woes were equal to cash, he would have been rich. Sadly though, it was not the case. But just like you, I fell in love with him for him, not what he could bring to the table. And at the time, I had the finances that he had never experienced. But when my ex husband wiped me out and stole everything, he was there to pick up the pieces. We have stayed depleted because of the money it takes to contsantly fight the courts for Madi, but I try and look at the bigger picture. And at times I have thrown it in his face about how he has wiped me out and now I have twice the repsonsiblities that I did before. And I think about how life was before this chaos and maybe it would be better to go back to that way. Then I think about all that I would loose. I wouldnt get hugs and kisses from a child that I did not give birth to. I would lose a child that I worked so hard to earn love from. I would also lose a man who loves me very much and appreciates all that I do. One that could not live without me, at least not as well as now. But he is also a man that is like yous and has trouble showing it. But I am betting that he really does feel all those things, but doesnt get the words out the way you would like. We get in our desperate moments, like you are in now. And we dwell on the negatives. Focus on the good and try talking TO him about some changes that BOTH of you could possibly make to ease the burden on you. Sometimes I take it all on myself and get overwhelmed, then blame DH. But when I take a closer look, I see that I chose to take on so much. I think if you two talk about it, then you will be okay. We all get in slumps in our marriages. Try to delegate some responsibilities in your house so that it gets cleaned. I found that assigned chored will help quite a bit with the cleaning issues. ANd I only have two that I am making help me. Without asking, DH got on the bandwagon. Gradually he has even become more vocal with his appreciation. Hang in sweetie. You are incredible.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

I mean without 70 version of it's all good !! Wow !! Mike Brady wore plaid pants and went to work as an architect. Mrs. Brady had a maid, Alice. What is your maid's name?, I missed that? Daddy Brady needs to step up honey, no wonder your at your witts end. I would be too. I can only imagine what your going thru, I hope it helps to read all of your followers blogs. Hang in there, you are only one girl, one powerful girl I might add, but thier happiness and securities don't just land on your shoulders only. Be proud of your accomplishments and having the ability to hang for as long as you have - wow, you are awesome !!!

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

Every one of my girlfriends thinks I'm crazy for keeping my money seperate from my BF's. Well, the way they see it, his money is seperate and untouchable by me, and they would "never allow that". But we like it that way. I have bills that I am responsible for, and he has his. We both pay our respective bills toward the house that we live in together and it is a fair amount considering our earnings.

Do you have a retirement fund or savings account? If there is some way that you could stash away a small portion of your paycheck every month, that might help you to feel more secure. It's amazing how fast my savings has grown just by putting 10% of my check in every month.

Have you ever sat down and done a hard budget? Do you balance your accounts regularly? Sometimes getting a hold on your finances is as easy as just knowing where everything is going - and from the sound of it, you don't know where everything is going. I think you should sit down with your DH sometime when you have a couple of hours and come up with a financial plan. You can always budget in $50 a month or so spending money (that's my figure because I don't spend much on myself, it can be more or none) so that each of you has extra in your wallet in case you see something you need. But you can't tap into the money that's already budgeted for something else.

It sounds like a horrible, painful process, but it's a lifesaver. I feel so much better and more secure when I know where my money is and where it's going.

Here are some great books that are quick reads and have a lot of very VERY good information in them:

Make Money, Not Excuses by Jean Chatzky - my favorite. Geared toward women, teaches you how to take charge of your finances and has a lot of tips on how to grow your money.
Smart Women Finish Rich by David Bach. A man's perspective on how women keep themselves from becoming rich and how to change it. It's actually very good as well.

Sorry if it's a little much for one comment but I am VERY BIG on finances and investing. If you'd like to talk more, I'd be happy to help any way I can. Good luck!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I'm a bookkeeper by trade and have a nearly perfect credit score so I know a little about this stuff. So DH listened when I told him he was broke.

Hubby gets an allowance. Doesn't have a choice. I dug him out of a financial hole that he would have never recovered from without yours truly.

I put it all on paper and showed just how much he contributes (or didn't at one point). It put our financial situation in perspective.

When a bill goes away or cs goes down, his "allowance" goes up. It gives him incentive to take care of his sh*t.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley