DH hurt me again and I'm still here (long)
A little back note: Every Saturday morning while I'm cooking DH come up behind me and starts pestering the hell out of me.
Well this Saturday I was about to start breakfast and the skids wouldn't shut up about french toast. Well I told them to get in the car b/c we were out of cinnamon.
When we got back from the grocery store DH had started breakfast and waiting for the cinnamon. Well I desided to pester him. After all, all things are fair in love and war.
Then DH asked me to get something out for him and I noticed the step ladder was gone (I'm short). Well I told skids to go find it. (there always taking it) SD12 got pissed b/c she desided she wanted it in her room to put her dolls on. I told her she had enough crap in her room and it belongs in the kitchen were it's needed.
SD12 stormed off to get it and came back and slammed it down on the kitchen floor. So I told her to stop slamming things down. Then DH went off on me. He said alot of crap that doesn't need repeating and put his hand in my face. So I put my hand in his face and started yelling to. After all, ALL I said was to quit slamming things down! DH then smashed his hand in my face and I tried to kick him to get him off me. He then tried to put me in a choke hold and ended up going around my mouth. He was squeezing so tight that my teeth cut my mouth open in 6 places. I dropped to the floor and managed to slip out of his arms. Then I bit the hell out of him and ran for the bathroom to spit out the blood.
Then I went back in the kitchen to show him what he had done. All he could do is get SD12 to back him up that I had bit him. I said yeah in self defence! Then he started scream so I started hitting him as hard as I could. It didn't faze him.
Then I went to my room and started packing. Knowing I would need money after I left I took my handgun into the kitchen to get DH to unload it. You should have seen Skids eyes. They thought I was going to shoot DH. DH even took a step back. He said he would report it stolen and I would go to jail. And I reminded him that he gave it to me after my father gave it to him. (It was my stepmother's gun. She passed away) I told him it was in her name and I'm her stepdaughter, who do you think they would believe?
I then finished packing and got my two Chihuahua's in the car. (The Skids then started crying fits b/c I was taking my dogs) As I was driving away I knew something was wrong with the car, something that hadn't been wrong when I went to the grocery store that morning. I got the car to go 10 miles before I pulled off the road. I called the house and told SD12 to let me talk to her Dad.
She told me rudely in a VERY snide way, "Oh yeah, Dad wants to talk to you" And in the backdround her smartass little sister SD11 said, "Just tell her to leave a message and we'll get him to call her back! Ha ha ha ha" "Isn't going to be funny when Dad talks to her" God I wanted to reach threw the phone and smack the hell out of them. What bitches! Just like their BM!!
DH came down to were the car had died and refused to fix it till I would come home. So I called my sister. Then DH took the phone away and told Amy I would call her back. He promised not to grab me again (yeah right) and to not scream at me when I repremand the girls. I told him that he's got till the end of May to find a local job so he would be home with HIS girls. I told him that the next time he hurt me I was calling the police either before or after I blew his knee cap off. (I don't want to kill him)
Then I told him that he was no better than my father. I told him I lived threw Dad's beatings, My brother in law molesting me, and seeing my sister's beat by their ex husbands and I would be DAMNED! if I let him do that to me. I told him that this was his final chance. I also reminded him in the 4 1/2 years we were married and the girls didn't live with us, we had had only one major fight. But in the two months they had been here he had not hurt me once but twice. I told him I would never make him choose between me and his little shits, that I will just leave.
I waited an hour before I went home. To find out DH had pulled 4 of the 6 spark plugs. He says the car wasn't supose to crank. My mom says God was driving that car for me and made sure it could move.
When I got home I went to my room and stayed there for 3 hours and only came out when I was worried about eating b/c of my sugar level (I'm diabetic) DH then was kissing my butt. Offering to cook me anything, was there anything he could do? I told him no and cooked some soup. SD11 said eww soup for breakfast! I looked DH straight in the eye and said "yeah b/c I can't chew anything with 2 loose teeth and a mouth full of sores" DH couldn't look me in the eye.
All weekend he tried kissing me and I kept refusing b/c of the sores in my mouth. It even hurts today.
I'm going to leave a suitcase packed from now on. Then when I've got to go I can leave in a hurry. I also told DH that I didn't give a damn if we had money or not. Thursday I'm going to the doctor. I'm putting me first from now on.
See for the past five years I only have gone to the doctor twice. Once when I had a cold for 2 months and once to be told I was diabetic. I can feel a lump in my breast, one I know about one on my shoulder blade, and a new one in my arm. Only the one in my shoulder has ever been checked and cancer runs in the family. My sugar is out of control and with the stress in this house I've once again having major mood swings (I was diagnosed as clinicly depressed when I was 17). My body can't handle all this and neither can I.
I always said I didn't believe in divorce but I'm beginning to. My mom keeps telling me to come home, and both sister's have opened their doors to me also.
I'm going to hold out a little longer but at this moment I don't see a future in it. I told DH I wanted counciling with him. He says I'm the only one who needs it. I also want his girls in counciling and with him also. Later on the can add me if they want. I also told him that if he ever hurt me in front of his girls again that I would call Social Services and see about getting them put in a safe place away from him and their BM. DH says I need anger managment classes and I told him he needs parenting classes.
I think DH knows I'm at the end of my rope. Tell the girls moved in I never yelled or had fights with DH. And after the fight the girls walked around like proud roosters with their chests puffed out. DH yelled at the about what they said on the phone and they even admitted it to him. Then to my face they lied and said they didn't do it. I told them fine! Treat me like crap and see if I EVER! do anything for you again. I also told them in front of DH that if they wanted to be bitches just like their BM then they could do to the BM and DH b/c I will be DAMNED! if I put up with it anylonger. That if they were to live in MY house then they could stop right this second or I will find a military school for them.
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Comments
I know it's easier said than done...
...but I agree with Mom. Take care of yourself!
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
The only reason
The only reason I'm staying is b/c for 4 1/2 years he never hurt me on purpose. It wasn't till the girls moved in. I did hit and bite him also after he grabbed me. And I even told him yesterday that I still feel the need to hit him, to hurt him, b/c I'm hurting. But I do understand abuse. I lived with it till I was 28. Either emotional or physical or both.
I love my husband and I know he let the anger get the best of him. Normally he's never like this at all. He knows just how bad he screwed up I think. Even if he doesn't he going to realize it b/c it's going to take me a very long time to ever trust him again. And threw it all I didn't think the worst thing he did was hurt me. I think the worst thing he did was screwing up the car so I couldn't leave. He tried to trap me just like all the abusers before him. Then told me I needed help. I needed anger managments classes b/c I called him ever dirty word in the book.
I've got the local woman's hotline on speed dial on the phone incase of emergency. My mother mailed me a $50 check to save incase I have to leave quick. And my sister promises to bail me out of jail if I shoot his kneecaps.
I just pray it never comes to that. But don't get me wrong. I'm looking for a room to rent also. Plus I'm hording every nickle a dime I can, which is hard when bills and his kids swallow every dime.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
I think this is very bad....
This fighting is not just bad for you. It is in front of the kids to the level of physical violence. You and your H are creating future abusers or victims....and the gun thing. WOW. I wish you well but... GET OUT OF THERE, before someone gets shot.
PLEASE.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
You need to leave that
You need to leave that situation.. Esp after hearing that he disabled that vehicle... Dont end up a statistic. Go live w/your mom or sisters.. but get the hell out of there.. They are his little Bitches.. let them be his problem, and his alone.
Get a good divorce atty, and get the heck away from him.
You need to leave
As far as I'm concerned, when a spouse puts their hands on their spouse in violence, they are breaking their vows. After that, divorce is just paper work. I would accept cheating before I'd accept violence. It's something I witnessed as a child & I will not tolerate an ounce of it. This is why I believe in being so independent.
Keep a taxi service on speed dial on your cell phone. That way you won't have to rely on your H to help you out if the car breaks down.
Kissing your butt after he hit you will not keep him from hitting you next time. It's just creating a pattern: harm, then apologize. There is no real solution there.
If it does happen again, don't hesitate to call the law & press charges on him. What he did was wrong. Since he's not taking any responsibility (even though he threw the first punch) & he's putting the blame on you, you can be sure this is going to happen again. Until he admits he has a problem, this will not end.
He'd better thank God that he didn't get shot.
Cajun Lady
BTW
If you need help in any way, you can go to a battered women's support group (or shelter) either online or locally & they can give you some good resources to help you out.
Cajun Lady
Oh Skydreamer..
You brought tears to my eyes and flashbacks to my mind. Please do not wait until it happens again...get out now. It will never get better, only worse.
I was married to my kids dad for 9 years, he beat me when he couldn't handle his own anger issues, he attended anger management, counselling, you name it....it never, ever got better or stopped. At times it would lessen temporarily, but then it would come back in two fold. He would try and control me by taking off the spark plugs of the car, so I couldn't leave. Phones were constantly ripped out of the wall....it just went on and on. He had a gun put in my mouth (loaded) on several occasions. Why did I not leave?...I did, several times and when he would seek help before I seen any positive results I would go back because I loved him....again and again. It was a huge life's lesson for me.
I eventually went behind his back and took weekly counselling at a women's shelter for a year solid before I was able to break away from him permanently. I left with suitcases of mine & the kids, papers & pictures...and I think I had couple of bucks to my name. I could have cared less about anything else...I was alive....and I managed to survive it!
To this day I can honestly still say a part of me loves him & it has been 10 yrs since we separated. I remember the good side of him, the intelligent side of him, the love for him.....but then I think back to the abuse & I remember how traumatized I was in this relationship. I see the after effects of what it did to my children....the after effects of what it did to me.
Get out now while you can, before it gets worse. Get counselling at a shelter to help you through the effects of wife assault.
If you ever need to talk, please PM me, I would be more then happy to support you in any decisions you make & guide you in anyway I can.
Remember, you are worth more then this...you really are.
Hugs...
Corie
Thanks everyone
I am listening to what your saying I promise. I did always say I would never put up with it. I'm not going to shoot him. That gun scares me. I only have it b/c it was my stepmothers and I feel safer here alone with it.
I do have the local battered womens phone number on speed dial. My insides are eating me up right now. I know you are all right, I've even said it to others before.
I feel trapped right now. I don't have a steady job yet. I won't move in again with my co dependant mother, she's as bad as some of the BM's we talk about on here. And I won't live with my sisters either. The oldest is worse than my mother and the other has a 1 month old baby and a 17 year old son, oh and let not forget her deadbeat boyfriend who leaches off her too (he doesn't work).
I looked online and found 3 different place to rent furnished for $150 to $200 a week. That will be a quick place to go. I'm still looking for a job and I plan on saving quite a bit of money once I get a job. This way if anything should ever happen again I will have options. As for the car, my sister told me to call her before calling DH next time and she will pick me up. She said leave the suitcase and just take the dogs, that she'll send her BF to pick up the suitcase and I can leave faster.
I also plan on buying a desposable camera today. That way I can take pictures of what he did to me, incase I need them in the furure.
DH called a minute ago. And after what was said here I see the pattern. He hardy ever calls me and for the past two days, he's called none stop. With the, "I just wanted to hear your voice", "I miss you already" and "I love you". I always say I love you and be careful before I hang up with him and today I didn't. I think he noticed. He paused then said he loved me and all I could say was "you too"
I've got alot to think about and alot of decisions to make. This is all weighing very heavy on me right now on top of the constant hell the skids put me through.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
Pictures of the assault.
Here the shelter will allow you to store the pictures of assault with them incase you plan on having him charged in the future. You should check into that with your local shelter...that way they are not found and disposed of.
Corie
handgun
The handgun is registered to my stepmother. I need to get it switched to me, but it is registered. My father can't have handguns in the house due to he's a dumbass and has a felony. So he gave it to DH who gave it to me, after mt stepmother died.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
It's important
To know how to use the gun, whether it's firing it, cleaning it, loading or unloading it. It is a powerful weapon, so you must know how it works or you could get hurt. If someone ever hit me I surely wouldn't hand him a gun. He'd be lucky if I didn't use that gun to shoot him in the a**.
Cajun Lady
lol
A shot in the butt would be to good for him!
I met him for lunch today. I showed him the inside of my mouth again. He started crying and hugged me for a long time. He said he was sorry over and over again. He said he was scared I would leave him and he never wanted to be without me. He promised over and over to never grab me again. He even went as far as to tell me he'll teach me to shoot the gun this weekend, so I can shoot him if he ever does it again.
My MOL called today too. She said she was sorry and that she didn't raise her son to be that way. She said her door was always open to me too. She also said she would understand if I left him and she would always love me and consider me part of the family.
I can't type anymore the skids are home and giving me hell.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
I was abused
For two years in high school and 6 months after I graduated. Every time he was incredibly remorseful. Abusers can seem so sad by what they've done and intensely woo you back.
DO NOT FALL FOR THIS.
Get out. I am not as afraid about you shooting him in self defense as him getting infuriated with you and trying the same "scare tactic" with your gun that you tried. This is a bad scenario. It's a recipe for someone to be "accidentally yet purposefully shot." Even the kids could do it or get caught in the cross fire.
Really...think about the messages the kids are getting. I know they drive you nuts. So get out of there before your toxic relationship becomes their model.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
You can't stay
If you accept this now, it will just be worse the next time. I know you don't want to give up. But they all need to learn a lesson in respecting you. Pick the 'best' option and sleep there for a few days. Be prepared for an onslaught of calls and apologies.
Those girls need a spanking, big as they are!! Don't let them off the hook, none of them!! It can maybe eventually be ok if you stand up for yourself and leave now!!!! the Biggest Hugs to you
The pattern is set...
The pattern in your relationship is set, and won't change other than to just get worse. Been there, done that like some of the others here. Once you accept the first abuse/apology, the second one comes and it's worse than the first. You get an apology sprinkled with a few dashes of remorse/regret/and 'baby I can't lose you's'. They don't mean a damn thing. Your abuser can apologize until the cows come home, and it won't mean a thing. It's like a child who says I'm sorry about something but you know the only thing they're sorry for is for getting caught. I thought things would get better, I thought my Ex meant it when he apologized the 4th or 5th time - but when he hurt my BD it was done. I sent the kids to a friends house, and very quietly pulled HIS gun from the drawer it was in. He awoke from his nap to his own gun against his nuts, and in a low menacing voice I couldn't replicate if I wanted to I told him if he ever touched me or the kids again he'd be sorry. I scared myself that day. That day I knew I meant it, and that day I started making my plans to leave. Like you, I didn't have money - I was only working part time and made very little. But I didn't care where we went as long as it was away from my Ex. Don't let yourself be put in a position where you could be pushed into something that could completely ruin your life - it's not worth it.
DH and I had another long talk tonight
DH says he deseved what I called him. He asked that I not leave b/c it would only make it harder for me to find a job and for us to work it out, since my family lives 2 hours away.
He said that I'm already depressed and he fears the affect my mother would have on me. We also talked about counciling. Our plan is to get the girls in it first, since they are the main problem. We think SD12 maybe Bipolar. I'm also going back on antidepressants for the stress and depression. DH can't start counciling right now b/c he's never home due to his job.
The plan is now that the girls are his problem and his choice is to send them to Social Services when they are out of control or quit his job and come home.
SD12 had another major blow up after school today. I ended up doing something low and terrible. I called her a bitch to her face. I also told her I hope she likes military school. The screaming went on for over an hour (her screaming not me). She wanted us to leave her alone.
I told her "fine either go outside and do the punishment your father gave you or go to your room and stay there all night". She distroyed that room. I told SD11 she wasn't allowed to talk to her either. SD11 and I ate dinner then I gave a note to SD12 saying the peanut butter and jelly was on the table. To enjoy her dinner. We didn't talk to her until about 8pm. That's when DH let her have it again.
She apologized and I told her no, that a apology was only words. That if she was really sorry then it wouldn't happen again. She said I didn't want her in the house. I told her no that she was wanted, but the her disrespect and foul mood weren't wanted. I told her if she wanted to be a member of the family then she had to act like it and quit treating her sister, father, and I like crap. I told her that if she didn't want to go to military school the she better improve. No more cursing out the teachers and showing her butt in class, no more disrespect to her father, sister, BM, and I. And that the screaming and throwing things had to end.
During the fight I also kept calling her by BM's name. I told her if you are going to act like her, you might as well have her name. SD11 got a kick out of that and so did DH. It only pissed SD12 off more.
Oh and the girls found out that I've called BM, Bitch-Hazel, for the past five years too. DH told them. SD11 got a good laugh out of it.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
I agree with Cru...
and would add, the whole combination is toxic. Every one of you is acting from a place of fear, anger, and control. Not love. Love is an illusion here. Everyone is responsible for the pattern. Your only obligation is to yourself.
How would you feel if DH did something to one of your dogs to punish you. It's not beyond the realm of possibility Sky.
You need to seek professional help from someone trained in helping you realize what's really going on, and what to do about it.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
Might I suggest
Going to a support group for battered women? A womans shelter might have one that's free. It's worth looking into.
Cajun Lady
Never acceptable
I would never accept my DH putting his hands on me out of anger. This is right out of a text book on spousal abuse. He hurts you, disables your car, curses and screams at you and then apologizes and says he can't live without you. This is such a bad situation for you to be in, your health will not improve under these circumstances and perhaps even get worse. Seek help for yourself immediately, please. I won't tell you to leave, I know you won't because you feel trapped but what you have said here and what you have explained about what happened between you and your DH is typical of abusive relationships. I fear this will only get worse and DH's promises of "it will never happen again" will continue. Most communities have programs for women to seek help with these types of situations and will cost you nothing. Check with the womens centers or even people against rape, I know we are not talking about rape but they can lead you in the right direction. Please talk to someone today.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren