things turned out like this and that he hurt you. Your decision sounds like a good one. Good luck.

so many of us get dragged through the trenches, and after many wounds, we have to be the brave ones to end things. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two, and I wish you the best on getting into a better living arrangement.

I wish you peace!

Candice

I'm going to plug Eat Pray Love again here. Every woman who's leaving a marriage for any reason should read at least the first half of it.

I remember leaving my first marriage. I was desperately unhappy with life at the time. Then I left and...

Had more energy and zest for life- the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

Good luck and keep coming back here - we're family!
Peace, love, and red wine

I can only hope I don't end up where you are. But if I do, I do. It takes guts to walk, but sometimes, there isn't a better option.

I think Candice was on target when she said, "We have to be the brave one and end things."

For some unknown reason, DH and skids often think there is something sooo freaking magical about them that you will want to stay around and get treated like dog poop forever. Where do they get this delusion of impenetrable charm? Do they just assume that the whole biological thing makes their feelings somehow... more valid? Do they think it is up to the stepparent to fix EVERYTHING that didn't work in the previous marriage, not to mention the current one?

Boloney. You matter too. Good luck finding a new situation where, if you aren't treated like a Queen, at least you aren't being treated like a 2nd-class citizen.

I know this is not easy, but it sounds like you did what was right for you. I also think yo should do something absolutely self indulgent. ((((Hugs to you!!)))

Georgie

It takes a lot of guts to walk away from it all. I did too, although there weren't any children involved, but still, I was with the guy for 20 years. The hardest part for me was waiting for my ex to assume ownership for his part in the failed marriage. It never came. We even dated after our divorce and nothing had changed. He was exactly where I had left him 4 years earlier. For a long time I truly felt it was all my fault, that I was the crazy one, but once I sat down and made an actual list of all the things my ex did that hurt me to the core of my soul. I realized that leaving him was the best thing I could have done for me. I had lost all respect for him, lost every last shred of trust. There was no way I was ever going to fall for his line again only to have my heart stomped on. I walked away from a very nice life, everything I could ever want in a material sense because like you, my ex showed me every day by his actions that I was not even on his top ten list of priorities.

It's funny that you mention the current living arrangements, cause my ex MIL suggested we do the same, but her reason was to keep up for appearances sake. I told her absolutely not, that is not why I got married. I would much rather be by myself than to live a lie for the benefit of others.

And if your husband hasn't figured out why FOUR wives have left him, he never will!

All this talk reminded me of one of the most hurtful things my ex ever did to me.

A long time ago when I was in my early to mid 20's I was in the Air Force and stationed in Maryland. This was a 4 hours away from my home, and on weekends I used to drive home. My ex and I were already married then.

My younger brother was going through a tough patch in his life and he too was in Maryland. He had tried to call me to ask if I could pick him up on the way and drive him home, but I had already left. No sooner had I arrived home he called me. Seems he was living out on the streets, had no money and nowhere to go. I told my ex I had to go back and get him. I couldn't leave him out there. My ex got pissed at me and didn't want me to go. I told him that with or without him, I was going to get my brother whether he liked it or not. Mind you, this was coming from the same guy who bailed his brothers out of jail several times after being picked up for DUI's.

He went with me and sulked the whole way. When I found my brother, he was waiting at a strip mall (it was already closed), staying under the roof cause it was raining and cold. He didn't even have enough clothes on his back to keep him warm. I immediately said I was hungry, let's stop and eat. At first my brother said he only wanted coffee, but I ordered a big breakfast and told the waitress that my brother would have the same. He gobbled down every last crumb on his plate. Even now when I think of it, it makes me cry.

We took him to our house to spend the night until my parents could pick him up the next day. I gave my brother one of my husband's t-shirts and robe to wear and again, my husband threw a hissy fit. Here was my brother in dire straits and my husband acted like an ass. I had never had anyone hurt me like that before. I can't believe I put up with 20 plus years of that kind of treatment.

Was and still is a somewhat negative person. He made fun of others constantly who were less fortunate, he had a very inflated sense of self, and was also extrememly sarcastic. He never took any responsibility for our marriage not working- if he had been "happy" that meant he didn't do anything wrong.

When I left him he did finally develope some compassion with people who were going through a painful breakup- he told me more than once he didn't know how he would have gotten through our divorce without our kids to make him get up every day.

When I finally met my new H in 04, I had been alone for 5 and a half years. I had been through one heartbreaking relationship that didn't work out in that time (lasted a couple of years in the middle of my singlehood.) I had become totally independent, was 2/3 through a BA while working full time and parenting my sons every other week.

So I finally feel ready to move on and I meet this man online. He is short (so am I but had never dated anyone short before) he was in the military (I graduated with a BA in theatre) he was REPUBLICAN (eek for the liberal theatre girl.) I almost deleted him from my inbox on yahoo. Then I started dating him. He was polite, he was sincere, he was interested in seeing me enjoy things I am passionate about. And the main thing I discovered the longer we dated was, we treat people the same way. We care for those less fortunate. We love our extended families. We love to hang around with just each other on a Sunday morning sipping coffee or tea.

I honestly think this is the number one quality we need to look for in a mate. Do they treat other people with the same respect and concern as we do? Because if you don't share that, nothing else can possilby work.

This story you shared about how your ex treated your brother is an excellent example.

Peace, love, and red wine