Well - I guess miracles do occur and I feel this is the most hopeful thing to happen in a long time. I have appreciated everyone's input since the fall.

SD has been a exhibiting very risky behavior for a long time. When she got caught after having a party at our house when we were out of town, she blamed me for everything. She has been using me as a scapegoat since she was 14 actually. The whole thing nearly split up our marriage. We separated, but DH let her have even more freedom and she took every chance to get away with everything she could. However, it all surfaced this weekend. Since I have pulled away from the discipline front - DH and older SS and daughter in law (DIL) had what DIL calls a "come to Jesus" meeting with SD. It lasted 4.5 hours. SD came clean - finally.

As it turns out, SD admitted she has been pulling the wool over DH's eyes for a long time. She admitted to drinking a lot, using drugs a lot (although she said she cut back 3 weeks ago because she realized it was affecting her school work - duh), and is having sex regularly - although she is on the pill. She said that her BF makes her quit drinking early when they are partying so she will be sober enough to drive home - geez - what a guy... (note intense sarcasm). Her BF has been feeding her the line that her parents shouldn't be involved in any decision making for her now because she is nearly an adult (17 and a junior in HS) - he even wrote a cocky, belligerent letter to DH saying such - although DH never saw it. SD is, of course, following BFs guidance and DH, SS, DIL had to have a long discussion about consequences tonight. And, believe me, I've been waiting a long time for this - DH told her she is free to leave now, quit school, get a job and live how she wants or she can stay here and live by his rules. He told her if she wants a cell phone - she buys it. If she wants to drive - she buys the car, insurance, and registration. We'll put a roof over her head and feed her - but that's it. No charge at the Co-op. No buying tickets for anything - she wants it, she works more and buys it. Instead of grounding - it is now called preparation for adulthood. She can keep doing what she is doing and making everyone's life miserable, or she can make an actual effort to clean up her act and behave like the adult she so desperately wants to be. Her choice. The issue of her BM came up and SD said if BM knew, she would demand that SD move in with her - a state away. I don't know what DH will do with that one - it's in his court. He is, however, going to ask BM to quit sending SD money (if she knew it was for drugs and alcohol and birth control pills - she would flip). Maybe the conversation will evolve from there. I sure as heck wouldn't be opposed to that option...

I am so glad that DH's eyes are open now. He just told me a couple of days ago that he was having to come to grips with the fact his daughter isn't the brain everyone thought she was - and I told him that her grades going down after 10 years of straight A's could also be a sign of too much pot, drinking and partying - I've known for a long time, but dad's are hard to convince about their daughters.. Getting SS and DIL involved was the best thing ever - I've stepped back, followed the detachment advice and it was the best thing I've ever done.

Anyway, I feel like the dark spell has been broken. The truth will set you free!