Dh and I are expecting our first in July. We have been married for over two years now and SD is 3. I was present and BM was aware of me before SD was even born. We planned to tell BM ourselves and try to make her feel involved in the big event in SD's life, but SD kinda beat us to it. BM flipped and said a lot of ugly things about me, then it kinda got better. THis was just two weeks ago, so we can't say how it will affect us long term. We are already in the middle of a custody battle, but I'd be willing to bet if we weren't and BM still had primary she would have us in court trying to get money.

I just want to say good luck to you and your DH and I hope you have a wonderful blessing on the way soon. I will also hope for you that BM will surprise you by not loosing it. But I can tell like me, you are preparing for the worst. Good luck and best wishes!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-

When I found out that we were expecting (a big surpise SS7 (six at the time) was there. he even came to the doctors with me for the refereal to the obgyn. DH was out of town working, and I couldn't get a sitter. We didn't tell BM, but she did find out. I didn't think it was much of her buisness. SS mainly, "I'm going to be a big brother" She didn't really like that cuz she dosn't think of DH as SS "DAD". And she did make some comments. One SS first day of grade 1, BM siad to DH why are you here, you have your own on the way, quit trying to steal mine. SS is great with DD. Though in the beginning it was pretty hard for him to share his dads attention. Those little ones need alot. I had to have a C section so DH had to do everything for a bout a month. But now DD is crawling, and babbling and stuff SS really loves spending time with her.

We had moved up our wedding date b/c of issues with my job, college and trying to blend three kids together. Then we got pregnant a month after the wedding. But since it happened so fast, and we had bumped up the wedding date I knew that BM would think we got married "because" of the pregnancy. We didn't want SD (then 10) to have to hear all the negative. At the time SD and BM weren't getting along at all anyway, so SD was happy to wait for my H to tell her mom.

When H told BM we were expecting she just said, "well...you deserve to be happy too"- which was the same thing she said when we got engaged (she was engaged at the time.)

The kids (two boys- mine age 8 and 11 at the time, and SD age 10 at the time) were all very excited to have a sibling, though I had a high risk pregnancy so there was an element of fear involved, especially for my sons. They have all fallen in love with their (now) two year old sister.

Similarly to your case, SD's BM has paranoid personality disorder. BM only said one negative thing about my little girl that I know of, and SD sort of deserved it b/c she used the birth of the baby to try to get something from her mom- a sleepover birthday party that we had said no to b/c I was due any day around SD's b-day and obviously we couldn't have a bunch of girls over to spend the night. She told her mom, "I don't get to have a party b/c of the new baby" and her mom went off that "You are more important than THAT baby and your dad better know it!"

Nice message. SD then told us about it because she was still trying to use it all to get the damn sleepover. I made her feel pretty guilty for using the baby, and actually once the baby was a reality SD never did it again to my knowledge.

It's a tough road, especially sounds so in your case where your SK's aren't with you all the time, and are in their teens.

By the way, your new baby will help your H's child support obligation. His obligation toward the other children decreases with each additional Bio-child the two of you have. (Not steps.)

Goodluck and congratulations!

Peace, love, and red wine