Desperate and in need of a sanity check!
Well I guess I have come to the point of the rest of you, where we are looking for answers and for help dealing with our all to familiar situations. I had found this site about 2months ago when I was looking for answers to why I am having such a hard time going through my day and not being so angry, frustrated, resentful, sad, and lonely when it comes to my family: the family I have always wanted and the family I thought was so solid.
I will give the short version of my issues; and I know it will sound all to familiar to some, I do know I am not alone, it just really feels like it right now.
My DH met 6 1/2 yrs ago. He has 2 girls and I have 1 son. The SD lived with BM at the time but was hounding DH to take them because she couldnt handle them anymore and they wouldnt listen to her. They were 3 and 5 at the time. DH was living with 3 m roomates at the time so the conditions were not suitable for the kids at that time. We rented a house together and all the kids came to live with us. BM dropped SD off to me who she barely knew, with the clothes on their back and a change of clothes a piece. This was 6yrs ago. She never looked back and never asked for them back. She see's them eowend. We had coustody changed to DH with prime phys. and shared legal. She didnt show up at court. She has had many many BF. To get to the point she is the definition of white trash and everything that goes along with that stereotype.
Problem being DH and I have done EVERYTHING for our kids, but yet she can do no wrong in SD eyes. Well BM(32) got married a yr ago to a boy(21) and now they have a baby. She has recently been having an affair with the children present and is now getting a 2nd divorce and she has joined the National Guard with her new BF and will be leaving for boot camp in OCT. (not soon enough). We are taking her to court to get full legal and physical custody and to get child support witch she has not paid 1cent in 6yrs. I know it is the right thing to do for the well being of SD well being, however I must say it is not going to be easy for me. I have had a hard time in the past 2yrs with depression and dealing with SD and sometimes just the day to day stuff that I feel I should be able to deal with. MY husband is great and he tries to help but he is caught in the middle.
We go to court tomorrow and I am sick to my stomach I am so angry and I just dont know what to do. If there is any advice I could really use some right now because I am at a loss.
Sorry, so much for short, but trust me this doesnt even begin to epxlain the situation.Thank you for letting me vent. 
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I read your story and wanted
I read your story and wanted to commend you for opening your heart and home to the little girls in this story, it cannot be easy for you, in light of all the drama BM is putting them through, and you are doing the right thing in going to court.
I guess the only advice is that they are children still, and sometimes they NEED to see BM as doing no wrong to protect themselves emotionally. The love and support she gets at your home enables her to do this too, but that's not to say you should stop giving it. As she gets older, she'll see more and more of the reality of the situation, but for now, I can appreciate how UNAPPRECIATED it can feel.
You're doing the right thing, which, unfortunately, is rarely the easy thing...
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
depression
A lot of us have gone through a terrible episode of depression when the reality of the situation set in. Its not easy being a mother, but being a SM is twice as hard. The reason that I use the name Sparky is because once my reality set in I felt like I had been sent to the electric chair. One reason that it was so difficult for me is because I was so XXXXX angry and I didn't understand that the depression was a major part of my problem. I went on Zoloft for depression and it saved my marriage and turned me into a much nicer person. My marriage would not have survived with out it. I was on Zoloft for about 1 year and I have been off for 1 year, but it helped me so much. Its just like being an alcoholic, once a person admits they have a problem and they need help life gets so much easier.
Zoloft does not change the reality of the situation but it sure makes life much easier when we have to face the difficult issues. There were many times that I was ready to throw in the towel and give up, but the Zoloft changed my perspective. Hang in there it can get much better and sometimes we just need to take a step in the right direction. When you treat the depression the anger will go away.
I am right there with you sister
I have the same issues with SD 13. Her mom is taking her less and less for visitation, doesn't initiate phone calls to SD. Yet...
SD is ranting and raging about how DH and I are "never there for me."
I asked her why she thinks that, when we've never turned her away and her reply was "whatever. yeah right." BUT...
If we dare bring up that BM isn't taking her visitation SD yells, "SHE HAS TO WORK WEEKENDS! IT'S NOT HER FAULT!"
To which I want to say,
"Ummmm yeah right...whatever."
Hang in there. I think this is why we need some real life support groups to go to. Are ya coming to camp next month????
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I have first hand knowledge of this.
As does my DH. My X can do no wrong in my sons eyes. No matter how many times he hurts, lies, doesn't do what he promised to my son it doesn't matter. I've wiped so many tears of his away because of that man. He sees him about once a year, the man always has a new GF when my son is there.
Funny you write about this today because last night I heard my son talking to his dad on the phone and saying, I miss yall to, I can't wait to see yall either, I love you daddy, I love you baby, bye bye. I titled my head and said who is baby? He said oh that's what I call dads GF. Nice, he can't even call me mommy in front of his dad because that would be showing me affection and that's not allowed.
So, not to steal your blog, but to let you know, you are not alone on this tough road. My own BS hurts me this way.
It's so difficult to give this child everything and all you get in return is how wonderful the REAL mom is. Doesn't that REAL thing really get to you? I get the same with my SD.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have no real advise for you because I don't know what to do myself. But just please know you are not alone and just hearing you talk that you feel this way makes others know that thier feelings and thoughts are not crazy as some DH's would have us believe.
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
I have first hand knowledge of this.
Sorry, double post! I'm impatient
Wow
I know how hard it is.....I raised both DH's girls from the time they were very young. I sought a counselor who helped, but honestly this site and the people here have helped more than the counselor has! I did not handle my situation well, so I can't offer any good advice. But I can offer a HUG!
Letting Go of all the emotions..
Is probably the hardest thing to ever do. Is it the best advice, I think so. So, how can we do this....? I don't know..But I'm going to pray you find your answers. Sometimes prayers are the only things that works.....
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
The Crazy Bitch out and out lied IN COURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all thank you all for your support and comments. They have all been a great piece of mind, knowing that you are out there and you do understand. So thank you a million times over.
Also we did go to court today and she was 15 min. late. They were just about to let us start without her and she and her less than moral, good for nothing mother showed up looking like and smelling like they just came from the "Best Lil Whore House in Texas". Thats putting it nicely.
We stated our case and she stood up for her turn and LIED right out lied. My jaw dropped to the floor, honestly. She was under oath and lied. However we got legal custody and the SDs can only visit if the new boy toy is not around. We could have very easily gone for no custody but we do think that the girls do need to see BM. (hopefully they will see her for who she really is as they get older)
All the same it is going to be the biggest challange ever to get through this in one piece. I love my husband for than life itself and we do belong together but I just dont know if I will be able to do it.