I've been married to my husband for six years and we STILL have issues with my skids' mother. The most recent episode was just yesterday, in fact. Things did get a little better when we moved too far away for DH to get the kids for visitation, because that was one less thing to fight about. She would never give the kids up on his weekends and it was constant fighting... every weekend, every birthday and every holiday. We haven't seen his kids now in over two years. She'd never let us have them, so when a better job opportunity presented elsewhere, we took it and moved away. Like I said, that's one less fight we have to have with her and things did improve a little after that. But overall? She's still the same greedy, jealous, manipulative, hostile, hateful, animosity-spewing, insecure, alienating, deceptive control freak she has always been. I know there are some success stories out there, but I think for most of us, there will always be ups and downs. You just have to decide if the ups are worth it because it's going to be a pain in the ass situation for the rest of your life.

~ Anne ~

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"She's still the same greedy, jealous, manipulative, hostile, hateful, animosity-spewing, insecure, alienating, deceptive control freak she has always been."

Its not about love its about control. The Xs want to maintain control over their former spouse and their finances.

Food for thought, sometimes the very thing that brings us together is the very thing that rips us apart.
"He is so close to his daughter. In fact that is what initially attracted me."

When she calls so much let her get the answering machine or voice mail. If it's important, he can call her back. That's the first step.

Unfortunately, she may never like you but if she moves on to a serious relationship, her trying to break you up may ease up a bit.

Dawn

Like one poster said, there are some success stories. Key word there is some. Chances are things will not get better, she will always be crazy and will continue to butt in your business until BF stands up and will not take it anymore. BM used to do the same things when DH and I were dating. But finally he laid down the law and stop answering her calls, letting them go to voicemail and returned them if necessary. I want to suggest that you read a lot of posts on this website and think long and hard about what you are considering getting yourself into here. Good luck!

I have deleted the contents of this post. Sorry.

and hate to be a "downer" as well but I'm in a very similar situation except that I took the plunge and married into my current situation. Had to seek counseling becuase of my inablity to cope with the drama and my counselor recently told me...she's never going to get better. Your BF's ex is obviously a little off balance - sleeping with men while pregnant (that's gross BTW) and basically stalking you and your BF.

I read the best quote the other day that I will revise and relate it to your (and most ofus as well) situation...marrying a man with children but even more so whose said children's biological mother is pyscho is like getting a "tatoo on your face, you better make damned sure you're comitted....."

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

are right. Unless your BF steps up to the plate and puts some boundries on the BM, it will only get worse. And this is, by the way, a good opportunity for you to see if he will set boundries and enforce them. If he won't do it now...he probably won't do it in the future either.

Thought I knew what this was all about! I have been involved with my husband for almost 5 years and married almost 3. If anything, it has got worse. The other ladies mentioned control and entitlement. It only gets worse. Because I have a career and owned my home and vehicles when I met him she seems to think because of that she is entitled to more from him. He has even told her he signed a prenuptial and she was like no way. She doesn't even work part time and has told him he would never get the kids because they are her sole source of income.

I question my sanity of getting married with every visit from the skids. After this holiday and the previous summer visit, I am no longer going to stay in my home when they are visiting. It may be their mother's brainwashing but after all this time I feel thy are old enough to have their own opinions of me and my daughters. So far the opinion seems to be that we are not worth the respect, time or effort of even saying hello or goodbye when they walk into or out of our home. My husband becomes Jekyll and Hyde. Our normal household rules for the three (my 2, 18 and 15, and his 1, 7) that live with us don't apply. Common courtesy that is expected from the others does not apply. My "DH" did not stand up to her for ten years prior to meeting me. If he had he wouldn't have the two skids with her. He does somewhat now but then he doesn't get to see the kids! I, like so many others, am looking at my life now and considering making some drastic changes. I can't help thinking how much easier life was before I met him. The old joke is that women gain weight after marriage, I've lost thirty pounds just from stress!

but the improvements will come at a very slow pace and take a long time to happen. And I'm talking years, not months. Most of the change will likely be in your own growth. You can't do anything about her nuttyness - AT ALL. But, over time, she will no longer take up so much real estate in your head and you will no longer care that much about her.

Slow and steady wins the race, but plenty decide to sprint elsewhere. This life is definitely not for everyone.