Moved Away...in the name of Peace.
I have written on this site before, but it's been awhile......back in july my DH & I were going through a long, and difficult custody battle with his EX, involving where SS should live. My DH had gotton custody of SS the year before, but BM went nuts and was making life hell for everyone, and hired a lawyer to get him back. Then SS starts saying he wants to "go home", he's 13, and in Fl. he has some say over where he wants to be, that was why he was with us to begin with, my DH was deemed the better person for ss to live with in court, then BM hires a lawyer, takes 1 anger management class (but calls us and harrasses us the night before court) we taped it and played it for the judge....and she (the judge) could still not decied where he should go.....she set another date for a month later, ss remained w/ us for the time being...and wanted my DH,&BM to go into therapy together to learn how to get along!!!!! F-THAT To little to late, so I was so upset, this EX of his had been harrassing me for almost three years, and I did nothing but treat her kids well, I even tried to grt along w/ her myself...big mistake! So anyways, my DH & I are both from Mass. so we decided to let SS move back in with BM, and take ourselves and our baby and move away from all the maddness. We just could not take it anymore, it was affecting every aspect of our lives, just like BM wanted....now she can rot down there in Florida by herself...and use her time to spend w/ her husband and her kids insted of trying to ruin our life. My DH is back to paying child support, he talks to his kids on the phone, and sends them things in the mail, we got rid of our old e-mail address, so BM can't use it to harrass us, we only have 1 phone, that I keep with me, BM never calls because she got burned on that in the past, she also knowes we screen calls. My DH will have his kids come up to visit, but the travel costs will have to come out of the support $$. We have been here almost 4 months now, I grew up in the neighborhood I currently live in....my mom & family, and my DH family are here. My husband & I are happy to be home. As much as we miss our kids (i also have 2kids that live in another state...but my EX and I get along well)...we know we could not live like that. We have our marriage, and our child to think about, just because I'M his "second wife", does not mean I should take second place.
- Chel Bell's blog
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Comments
Wow, that must have been hard....
I can't imagine having to make a decision like that, and being so far away from my kids. That has got to be very difficult for you and them as well. I do hope you are able to see them often. You have to do what is right for you and your kids. I hope your SS is in good hands with BM. Is she a good mother to him? Hopefully, she just caused you and DH problems, and not him. Just make sure that he always knows if things get rough for him down there, he has a home with you and DH. Best of luck to you all!
re:
It was a heartbreaking decision....something is really wrong with that woman, she does not care who she hurts, or what she does. Her kids were already messed up long before this, they are 16, and almost 14, and they see what she does. We continue to have good communication w/them....despite their mother. Chel
Good for you....
Keeping up the communication is so important. At least they are teenagers and can fend for themselves much more than younger kids can. It breaks my heart when parents are willing to use their children as pawns just to get at their ex spouses. Maybe the kids will be used less in her games now.
Keep us posted!
I have thought of fleeing myself
If it weren't for my ten year old son who is my soul mate I would. We are thinking of moving away one day when he is 18. Then if he wants to come with us he will be welcome. At least if he holds up his end of the bargain by not becoming demonic like his BB and SD are. This morning I was finally changing back the kitchen clock for DLS, and my 10 yr old said, "You're stopping time." He says the funniest things...
I said, "Oh no... I don't want to do that b/c I'm DOING time." And he said, "You mean til all of us older kids leave the house and it's just the baby?" I said, "Oh no honey....you can stay. As long as you promise not to turn into an adolescent." He smiled and nodded. We shook on it.
Sigh.
Peace, love, and red wine
re;
It is just amazing to me that in the 4 months that we have been "home", we have achived more harmony, and stability than in the 3 years we have been together in FL. I was always worried about the toll this was taking on our relationship, my husband & I love eachother very much....but humans can only handel so much. We are both so much happier now, and I feel like we have a new lease on our life together, and our baby can now get the focus and attention he deserves. I'm sure we will come across more bumps in the road w/ BM, when the kids come to visit.....but being so far away it's easy to turn her off. As a stepmom/and a BM myself, I still believe that it is important to have a good relationship with the BM., not all BM's are wicked, and for all of you families, who are putting aside your differences, and making it work.......your children thank you!!! Chel