I'm always second...Third, really, because I come second to both SS and BM. Doesn't matter what we're doing or what we have planned...if BM calls, he drops everything (including intimate time w/me, interupts dinner plans w/family and friends, any and all things) to call her back.
You mentioned that he says he's the only parent she's got? What does that mean? And yes, he needs to be available to her, but I guess it depends on how old she is. If she's texting and has a phone I picture older...but that doesn't mean he drops you like you're nothing and caters to her. It's not fair to you, and it's setting a precident for his daughter that he'll always drop everything.
The only thing I can say is to talk to him about it. He's not being fair and if this is the way it's always going to be, you need to ask yourself if you're okay w/always being second. And really be honest w/yourself because if you're not you'll end up resenting him at your own fault...good luck

Something's not right about it. I remember dating a guy when I was a single mom who was "not that into me" as they say. Once I was on top of him kissing him (dressed in pj's) IN BED and the phone rang. He got up, answered it and had a five minute conversation with his BROTHER. I finally got up and got dressed and left as soon as he was done talking to him.

Men are simple creatures and sex always comes first. Their brain should shut EVERYTHING else off. Now I could see if he was waiting to find out test results for her for a medical condition or something. But just to text hi? I would definitely tell him how you feel. He needs to put his marriage first. I think for some reason the guilt of divorce/separate homes makes people feel even more they should put their kids first. Just like we hear on so many shows...the media keeps feeding us this crap. Marriage SHOULD be first b/c one of the things you need to teach your kids is what a good marriage is so the kids can make good choices when they grow up.
That's a whole other post!

Peace, love, and red wine

but there was an old couple who had been married for 50+ years and when they were asked how they made it the husband said something along the lines of "I can still get excited when my beautiful wife takes her shirt off..."

My point is that when it comes to intimate moments - NOTHING else matters. When I kiss my husband, the world becomes obsolete and a phone ringing(or a text message) is a nuisance. Zenmom said it perfect, his brain should shut down.

He needs a priority check. I understand making your daughter come first in ceratin aspects of your life - but the bedroom is NOT one of them!!!!!!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

This was the way things were with DH and I when SD was younger. I think I might even remember the same scene being played out with minor differences. But strangely things turned around a bit when my SD became a teenager. DH still runs himself ragged for her but he definetly puts me first.

1. I'm nicer to him than she is.
2. I sleep with him.
3. When he does nice things for me I don't love him for 5 seconds and drop him like a hot potatoe when the phone rings.
4. I'm nicer to him than she is.
5. I'm nicer to him than she is.

I feel pretty sure DH's priorities are right where they need to be. And thankfully I'll never make him prove it.

Hang in there. Little girls eventually do grow up and live their own lives with only an occasional need for Dad.

Sigh...

Most of you know where I stand on this subject; I've written to many about, not just my take on this, but how the experts view it.

The marriage comes first. After the kids are gone, you only have each other left, so you better make your spouse your #1. It doesn't mean you neglect your children, but rather it means that you demonstrate to your children that my husband/wife comes first.

Faith, this is what and how I learned it: Hubby and I were in counseling. He stated that I was his highest priority. I retorted with how could I be when he has kids; they should come first. The counselor interupted me and said, "Hold on a minute. He's right..." and went on to explain what I mentioned in the paragraph above. Up to that point I always thought that my DH was wrong for believing I came first and it made me feel guilty. After the counselor said what he said, I walked away with this greatest understanding of how it felt to be on a pedastal placed firmly by my husband. I, in turn, made a conscious decision to make him first from that point on.

My skids grew up knowing if nothing else, that their father and me would go to the wall for each other. They grew up in a home built on that foundation and were marinated in the love that their father and I had for each other. They learned loyalty, compassion, and trust because of the two adults that were the parents in their home.

Their needs were met; their wants were considered and met when reasonable. But it was ALWAYS under the umbrella of understanding that their dad and me would not be second-best to the children. The boys now men, while not perfect, do have an extremely healthy view of how to treat women and they KNOW their dad and I are their solid foundation. We are their constant.

The alternative is to make the children #1, which generates adults that are selfish and self-centered having been taught that their needs, but mostly their wants are paramount. They remain clueless or at best unrealistic in how to nurture a long-term relationship. Is that what your DH wants?

Explain to your DH that despite his daughter's loss of her mother, he has an obligation to her to demonstrate through daily living how two adults love and respect each other. The greatest gift he can give his daughter is the gift of how to have a loving, lasting, respectful relationship. He teaches her that by his actions of how he treats you, by making you #1, not by literally and figuratively dropping you and being at her beck and call.

His obligation is to rear a healthy, balanced child into adulthood, not a self-centered adult perpetuated by living a life where her parent dropped everything to meet her needs, great or petty.

It's not something I've made up. It's what the experts say.

My DH had sole custody of SD during her teenage years. They forged a pretty tight bond of us against the world. So, I have been having this sort of problem since she came back to live with us (two years after graduating high school and leaving). She came back pregnant - and aggressively trying to be the primary female in the house and in her Dad's life. AND - her dad was going for it. The whole thing was starting to be a set up for a competition for DH's attention/love/WHATEVER.

Since she come back to live with us, she has been making me out to be the baddy - so has her Dad. I talk, I talk, I talk. BUT - when the baby was three weeks old, SD packed her up and drove 5 hours to visit the baby's daddy. She stayed for a week and a half. Thank Goodness - I believe DH woke up a bit! he was sort of reacting to her as a boyfriend instead of a Dad. Then - she went, took the baby, and left to be with the people who helped her get in this pickle in the first place, and have done NOTHING to support her. I took the opportunity to remind him of the reality of "us". There is a lot of backsliding - but slowly, he seems to be remembering that he married me, not his daughter.

Some day soon - I won't be the intruder in my own home....

Tell your DH that the Chinese character for "trouble" is "two women under one roof." (I learned this from a Chinese man years ago.)
Hopefully that will help DH see where to place his loyalties and in order to have peace in the house there can only be one woman, the rest of the females take 2nd seat.